50th birthday party and no friends! 😭

[AnotherBillyNoMates]

I'm 50 in a few months time. I've never really celebrated my birthday and did nothing for my 40th at all.

I'm kind of feeling like I'd like to do something for my 50th.

The only issue is that I don't really have any friends. Well, not close ones. I know a few people but none of them are close to me and they're all the sort of level of friendship you'd invite once you've invited all your close friends and family if you had the capacity. Except that I don't have anyone else.

I've been in my work place for 4 years. There are probably up to half a dozen people I could invite from there but I think even some of them would be surprised to be invited. Probably only really two I'd describe as 'work friends'.

Two couples I know to chat to in the pub/go to gigs with. Not really friends. We're not in contact outside of these times but I like them.

Probably another two couples I rarely see. One i realise I'm not really sure I like all that much judging by their SM feeds...

My partner, my adult kids, my brother, his wife and preteen daughter.

My partner's sibling and partner.

Probably his adult children and their partners.

And one actual friend (and her partner.)

I can't really do it, can I?

To add to this, we're planning on getting married in a couple of years time and I'm delaying planning it because of this.

He had a huge party for his 50th with loads of friends he'd had for years. I'm just feeling like a bit of a loser I think!

Well you don't have the numbers so it's a bit of a nonstarter. But why not do something different - small, family-orientated and very expensive - like a weekend away at beaverbrooks or something. Then it can be exclusive and celebratory, rather than feeling you're scrabbling around.

I did think about organising a camping trip away for us all (both famiies).

We all like camping and it's.more relaxed.

That's a good idea too maybe smaller things with different groups of people would be better. Thanks.

This is lovely! I can imagine you all huddled around a camp fire in the evening sharing stories enjoying each others company

I just know a few people who.have and thought it would be nice to do something but I'm now realising that a party probably isn't the way to go!!

The camping trip sounds like a winner! I thought about arranging a party for my 50th but was worried not many people would turn up, partly due to some of the horror stories on here. Once your birthday's over, maybe you could start trying to build some of your acquaintances into friendships.

I’m the same as you. I know people but would feel awkward organising a big party for the sane reason as you.

Instead of organising a party, do something different for your fiftieth. A trip on the Orient Express, canal trip through the Cotswolds (not sure if Cotswolds have canals), afternoon tea at the Ritz etc.

That sounds amazing! I'm glad that worked for you.

Unfortunately, I've lived in the area for 25 years and I've got no excuse! 😁

From what I've read on MN people don't seem to attend parties or even expensive weddings anymore. For my 60th I did meals out, a small garden party and an early doors at a local pub. Different friends came to different ones, I had a great time, I'd have hated a big party. Enjoy whatever you decide to do and remember it's quality not quantity when it comes to friends.

I've tried, tbh, but it's never really come to anything. They're happy to be acquaintances but aren't really interested beyond that. And that's fair enough!

That's exactly what it would be like.

I don't see the issue with having a family party.

And why not also invite the two you think of as work friends, and the others you go to gigs and the pub with? They sound like the ones you have probably spent most time with.

I usually have a very small birthday celebration. I don't hardly have any friends and most have moved away. I don't have siblings either, and I'm not close enough to my cousins to celebrate birthdays with them.

I am open to making new friends but it is difficult with everyone glued to their phones. And many people in their 40s plus seem like they feel they've already got enough friends.

I'm sure your party will be lovely, whether it's a mix of family and friends or just family.

Very big parties are never that great as the host gets spread about too thinly and some people can get left out of conversation if they're not outgoing enough.

I think this will be me in 20 years OP.
I've never celebrated any big birthday because I've not had a single friend I could invite. I've always tried to be there for people, I try my hardest to form friendships at work but nothing ever 'sticks'
I don't ever want to get married because even the smallest of rooms would look so empty.

Most people these days have fewer friends compared to previous generations. I think this is mainly due to having smaller families, moving around more and changing jobs more frequently. So we tend to have lots of temporary acquaintances rather than long-term deep friendships.

You're planning on getting married in a few years? You're 50. What are you waiting for? Get out there and start living your life.

I say that as someone slightly older who has recently lost a friend due to illness and have a few others with health scares.

Having close friends requires effort. These acquaintances will never become more if you don't start inviting them to things and doing things with them. Friendships don't just magically appear, fully formed.

I'd agree with this! You're so lucky to have a wonderful close family and I think sometimes around 50 they become the people you tend to end up being close to and hanging out with. Which is lovely. You're not a loser at all! I'd have a nice do with close family and have a really lovely time.

I feel like 50 is one of those major moments when people panic and compare themselves and think there should be some major party, and all that, but I don't think it's needed, or a reflection on who you are or anything else.

Thank you. And, yes, you're right.

My thinking now, based on this thread, is a meal or something with my partner, my adult kids, and my brother and his family.

A camping trip to which the above plus my partner's family will be invited. No pressure to attend because we'll be going anyway!

After work drinks/meal with two colleagues plus invite a handful of others to join us if they want.

And that'll be it.

I'm a teacher. I was also thinking about doing party games and cake during Golden Time on the Friday. Maybe that's the only 'party' I'll need! 😁

Ahhh op this makes me feel so sad. I’ve had the conversation recently as I have my 50th this year and would love a party but I don’t have the social life and friendship groups I once had. To be honest I think most of my friendships have been superficial for the most part. We had great times, enjoyed each others company cared for each other but they were..the best way I can describe it circumstantial friends. I travelled a lot, moved around jobs a lot and had great fun meeting and hanging out with new people, but they are all old friends now with the few I would have called best friends living at the other side of the world.

im NC with all bar 1 DB, not bothered if he came as we have very little in common any more. Love my cousins but they are the type of people to make a big deal about coming but would be no shows and think that’s fine. One cousin I’m exceptionally close to but they work shifts and don’t change shifts for events and a have a couple of mum friends who would be my main guests but even then one is a shocking flake so couldn’t count on her and her DH.

We could go away but I want a good old fashioned party, I want to get dressed up and dance all night like I use to.

I know and believe me I've been the one doing the inviting over the years but, whisltnwe enjoy each other's company when we see each other, friendships haven't really formed.

I had a 10-pin bowling/karaoke party for immediate family about 12 of us in the end, then we went to a restaurant for dinner. Fabulous, intimate and fun.

AliceMcK

Circumstantial friends describes it exactly!

I could.probably.conbine both families and do this (minus the 10 pin bowling though - I'm rubbish! 😄)

OP don’t worry, I think this is normal!
My mum is 61 and has a few different friends she’ll go for coffee with, or chat to at Pilates, or have phone chats with every now and then. But none of them are linked/know each other, so a party with them wouldn’t be that fun as it would be loads of strangers making small talk.
For her 60th we had a lovely family meal and she went on a cruise with my dad, and for her 50th we just did a nice family meal. Whatever you choose to do, I hope you have a lovely time!

Do no overthink it, just invite who ever you want whether it is just your friend and partner or the whole bunch.

You sound like a decent kind person, not everyone has loads of friends and those who do are often not that friendly with them

Thank you and, yes, this is what it would be like really

A room full of strangers!