To dump him for wearing glasses?

[ThisFluentBiscuit]

Lighthearted AIBU.

I have a lovely sexy FWB. Problem: He permanently obscures his handsome face by wearing these awful glasses. He won't wear contacts - has tried them and hates them. His glasses are really unsexy, but it's hard to get them smaller because they're the bifocal type with a line across. He looks like a bank manager from the early Nineties. When he takes them off, he looks about 20 years younger and 10 times hotter. Drives me mad.

Also it's frustrating that I've got this handsome man who ruins all the general foxiness when we go out with these glasses. He sometimes sends me photos of himself - he's on holiday right now and just sent me a shot - and my vagina is starting to shrivel a bit at the bank manager look. It was OK for the first couple of years because it was all new, and we don't see each other THAT much anyway (although we're firm friends so we text a lot).

I'm beginning to realise that the glasses are going nowhere.

TLDR: His glasses are giving me the ick. Should I dump him for someone who's not perma-wearing a sexual impediment blazoned across his face?

I can’t wear contacts. I wore them for a number of years then overnight became intolerant to them. I’ve tried all sorts of different ones but they're so uncomfortable I can’t wear them at all now.

if hes had the same glasses for 3 years, then surely its time for a new pair anyway? He could have two pairs? Go crazy!

I think he will be better off with someone else.

I guess its the way you describe it feels nasty. Not the fact you dont like him in glasses.

Tbh I would look into therapy if you cant look beyond the glasses to see the person.

Not necessarily the situation but I think you're playing it for laughs (yes i know its ‘light hearted) and are not really looking for a solution.

I’ve never been that desperate for Uber fares.

Surely he takes them off to fuck so I don’t see the problem - could be part of the fun!

That’s what I suggested. Surely he can have a spare pair of a different design, they don’t have to be expensive.

As you’re only fwb does he not want a more serious relationship with someone else, or has other fwb’s? Just wondering if he’s so unattractive with them is it putting others off?

Thanks for saving me from saying exactly that!

No you can’t ask him to change.

You can only tell him how you feel. But you appear to struggle with open communication. This can lead to dishonesty, e.g. if he thinks you find him sexually attractive when clothed, when you really don’t.

Might be worth asking yourself why you started a sexual relationship in the first place if you’ve always been turned off by how he dresses and his glasses. It’s pretty disrespectful to have sex with someone you only fancy when they’re naked.

Why are you having sex with someone you find unattractive? Do you think you might need to work on your self esteem, so you only have sex with people you find attractive?

I don't think you're being unreasonable op, you're allowed to have a personal preference! Everyone is attracted to or turned off by different things, even the perfect people on here telling you off 😆 I much prefer my husband without his glasses as they shrink his lovely eyes and make them look beady (obviously I don't tell him that haha), and I'm sure he thinks I look better when I'm not wearing old leggings and a grotty sweatshirt 😆

I get that you're trying to be funny but you sound like a dick. End it now and stop being a cow about him on the internet.

I went on a date with a man who took me onto a bridge and handed me his glasses so I could see the birds better.

I said "wow, I think I can see them better" (just to sort of stop the awkwardness, first date in YEARS)

He then said that they were fake glasses and I was a liar.

This man wears fake glasses every single day of his life and sometimes decides to test women by having them try them on.

....

Count yourself lucky with your guy lol

he thought without the lines he would look in the wrong place and feel disoriented,

Really - how long has he needed vari/bi focals? As no line ones have been out for years.

Gently, why would he care what you think.

He doesn’t need to make an effort for you because he’s not trying to impress you.

I have no issues with FWB but you need to remember that you are only there for sex (and perhaps friendship).

There’s no need for him to want you to like him and have sex with him because he knows you will anyway, regardless of how much effort he makes.

When he finds someone that he likes and wants to impress then he will make more of an effort.

I think you are forgetting that he doesn’t like you in that way and so therefore isn’t going to make an effort for you.

If you’re starting to feel this way then perhaps it’s time to find a new guy.

Indeed - he will see clearly that it is for the best.

Wonderi

I have no issues with FWB but you need to remember that you are only there for sex (and perhaps friendship).
There’s no need for him to want you to like him and have sex with him because he knows you will anyway, regardless of how much effort he makes.

This makes a lot of sense.

Especially with his bank manager glasses on!

He dressed MUCH better when we met. I can't remember when the glasses started bothering me.

@ThisFluentBiscuit Out of curiosity, how would you feel if he decided he didn't want to see you any more? Would you feel that you've lost a good friend or simple relief over not seeing the horrible glasses any more? He sounds like a nice person and you've been friends for some time. You might find that you realise you've lost something special from your life.

And I do understand about the glasses. My DH has varifocals so there's no line. He used to have frameless ones which, in truth, made him look older as his face was oddly colourless and the slight magnification of the glasses added to that. But we've been together for a million years so we've aged together and I wouldn't change him. However, he recently got ones with a metal frame and they suit him so much better. Not saying he's hawwwwt like your chap but he's definitely more appealing in his new glasses.

I reckon he's Superman.

Genetics don’t get turned off just because you’ve had menopause, although I understand you aren’t looking for someone to raise a family with. Something in your core is saying he isn’t right, maybe the glasses is just a physical representation of that.

Brilliant! 🤩

I think he probably has other fwbs. I would too if I could find anyone I fancy enough. I did find two possibles, but they ruined it by coming on too strong.

Very good points. I’ve never had a fwb (not my thing) but it surely is a much different dynamic than having a partner you are in love with, regarding effort and being the best version of yourself.

Oh, if he decided not to see me anymore I would be really upset and would miss him a lot.