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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dump him for wearing glasses?

555 replies

ThisFluentBiscuit · 19/02/2025 23:41

Lighthearted AIBU.

I have a lovely sexy FWB. Problem: He permanently obscures his handsome face by wearing these awful glasses. He won't wear contacts - has tried them and hates them. His glasses are really unsexy, but it's hard to get them smaller because they're the bifocal type with a line across. He looks like a bank manager from the early Nineties. When he takes them off, he looks about 20 years younger and 10 times hotter. Drives me mad.

Also it's frustrating that I've got this handsome man who ruins all the general foxiness when we go out with these glasses. He sometimes sends me photos of himself - he's on holiday right now and just sent me a shot - and my vagina is starting to shrivel a bit at the bank manager look. It was OK for the first couple of years because it was all new, and we don't see each other THAT much anyway (although we're firm friends so we text a lot).

I'm beginning to realise that the glasses are going nowhere.

TLDR: His glasses are giving me the ick. Should I dump him for someone who's not perma-wearing a sexual impediment blazoned across his face?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
LavenderFields7 · 20/02/2025 08:52

I think it’s okay to feel un-attracted to certain things in a partner, it’s mostly evolutionary, you can’t help it. Something in your genetics has associated a red flag with wearing glasses, and tbh procreating with someone who has a visual disability is probably not something that would benefit evolution - so it’s natural to not want this in a partner. Feel free to find another more suitable partner, without the guilt everyone else seems to be laying on thick!

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 20/02/2025 08:53

I know this is meant as lighthearted but it is coming across really distasteful. Glasses are a disability aid - they are not an optional fashion accessory. Yes we can choose to make them look ‘nicer’ but don’t forget their actual purpose.

Contact lens are not a like for like swap - some people no bother but others (me included) find them really uncomfortable which becomes painful after a couple of hours.

He seems comfortable with his glasses while the OP seems very insecure about wearing hers.

OP are you sure you are both on the same page relationship wise? He knows you don’t want to live together/ get married but it sounds like he thinks you are more than FWB, sending selfies, going to the ballet…

LaMarschallin · 20/02/2025 08:54

I suspect it cuts both ways.
You probably look better too when he takes his glasses off.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 20/02/2025 08:55

ChompandaGrazia · 19/02/2025 23:42

I think you’d be doing him a favour. He can do better.

This, absolutely. How very shallow the OP sounds - like a mini puddle in a drought.

Dancingatthepinkponyclub · 20/02/2025 08:55

You sound like a twat.
My DH was bullied by his own brother for wearing glasses and now refuses to wear them even though contacts give him infections.
If you liked him you’d see past them.

bigfoot40 · 20/02/2025 08:57

Isn't the whole point of a FWB situation that you're not this invested in them? If one day, they give you the ick, you end it and move onto the next guy? I may be old fashioned but, if you're going on dates with him, is he not a boyfriend by this point?

butterpuffed · 20/02/2025 08:58

Perhaps he's as shallow as you , wants to dump you as he doesn't like your glasses , but doesn't want to hurt you . He shouldn't worry about that , he'd just have to read this thread to know exactly what you're like , hard resilient .

Original poster
ThisFluentBiscuit · 20/02/2025 08:58

Bluebellwood129 · 20/02/2025 08:24

He can't be bothered making any effort because you mean nothing to him.

Show quote history

Probably not, but he gives me lifts places, likes to go out for a bite even if we're not having sex after, and always keeps in touch. Might be just to keep the shags flowing though.

OP posts:
Wilfrida1 · 20/02/2025 09:01

Please dump him - he deserves so much better than you. You are so shallow he could paddle in you.

Original poster
ThisFluentBiscuit · 20/02/2025 09:01

Bluebellwood129 · 20/02/2025 08:49

I actually thought the opposite - the writing style and references in this thread reminded me very much of my grandmother

Show quote history

WOW. Of all the insults lobbed in this thread, that one definitely cuts the deepest! I do not write like a granny!!! Why would you say that?!

OP posts:
Sunnyside4 · 20/02/2025 09:02

It's ok to admit you don't find him attractive from your daily image of him, but if that's the case he can do better. At some point in the future, there's a reasonable chance you'll need glasses and who knows that type that'll be.
Maybe he'll be put off you at the time.

Might be that's the worst part of his look that worries you in time, but how will you feel as he gets older, get wrinkles, hair colour changes, body shape changes, maybe that an operation from a scar, has to change his clothes style due to certain factors.

Original poster
ThisFluentBiscuit · 20/02/2025 09:04

LavenderFields7 · 20/02/2025 08:52

I think it’s okay to feel un-attracted to certain things in a partner, it’s mostly evolutionary, you can’t help it. Something in your genetics has associated a red flag with wearing glasses, and tbh procreating with someone who has a visual disability is probably not something that would benefit evolution - so it’s natural to not want this in a partner. Feel free to find another more suitable partner, without the guilt everyone else seems to be laying on thick!

I had an early menopause though. So genetics aren't really a factor.

OP posts:
FeistyFrankie · 20/02/2025 09:04

OP your entire take just screams mean girl trying to be funny.

No one's laughing, though, are they?

EdithBond · 20/02/2025 09:04

If he’s happy how he is, he shouldn’t have to change because a woman (especially one who’s not interested in a committed relationship) thinks he could look more attractive. Surely, it’s irrelevant what you think.

But, if they’re making you lose attraction to the point you’ll probably stop having a sexual relationship with him, why not gently and sensitively tell him? Being honest is important. You’re not asking him to change his glasses, you’re letting him know they’re putting you off.

Just be honest: you enjoy his company as a friend, you enjoy the sex with him, you find him sexually attractive. But the glasses are putting you off to the point you’re not sure about the sex anymore.

If the sex is more important to him than the glasses, he may change them. If he doesn’t think much about looking stylish, it may not have occurred to him how off putting they are. He may be quite happy to choose a new pair, with your support.

But if he’s not that committed to you, and sex with you is less important to him than looking as he pleases, and being comfortable, he may tell you that and agree you stop having sex.

Original poster
ThisFluentBiscuit · 20/02/2025 09:06

Sunnyside4 · 20/02/2025 09:02

It's ok to admit you don't find him attractive from your daily image of him, but if that's the case he can do better. At some point in the future, there's a reasonable chance you'll need glasses and who knows that type that'll be.
Maybe he'll be put off you at the time.

Might be that's the worst part of his look that worries you in time, but how will you feel as he gets older, get wrinkles, hair colour changes, body shape changes, maybe that an operation from a scar, has to change his clothes style due to certain factors.

I can't honestly say I've thought that far ahead. He's an FWB.

I wear glasses all the time. I always used to wear contact when seeing him, but I don't bother as much now.

OP posts:
Nina7648 · 20/02/2025 09:06

Just awful. I treated my last boyfriend like a prince -which he was to me and loved him (and his glasses) so much. I got crapped on from a really great height. I don't know if you are just so up yourself you think it's ok to treat people like this or you have your pick of men or what. Sickening.

Original poster
ThisFluentBiscuit · 20/02/2025 09:07

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 20/02/2025 08:53

I know this is meant as lighthearted but it is coming across really distasteful. Glasses are a disability aid - they are not an optional fashion accessory. Yes we can choose to make them look ‘nicer’ but don’t forget their actual purpose.

Contact lens are not a like for like swap - some people no bother but others (me included) find them really uncomfortable which becomes painful after a couple of hours.

He seems comfortable with his glasses while the OP seems very insecure about wearing hers.

OP are you sure you are both on the same page relationship wise? He knows you don’t want to live together/ get married but it sounds like he thinks you are more than FWB, sending selfies, going to the ballet…

I mean, friends send selfies and go to the theatre, don't they? The ballet was my idea.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 20/02/2025 09:07

ThisFluentBiscuit · 20/02/2025 09:06

I can't honestly say I've thought that far ahead. He's an FWB.

I wear glasses all the time. I always used to wear contact when seeing him, but I don't bother as much now.

Show quote history

I’m now convinced this thread is a wind up.

BunnyLake · 20/02/2025 09:08

KimberleyClark · 20/02/2025 09:07

I’m now convinced this thread is a wind up.

Show quote history

Yes I think so too.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 20/02/2025 09:08

You're in a casual relationship. If you're in constant contact and go on dates, you're not just FWB.

Original poster
ThisFluentBiscuit · 20/02/2025 09:09

Nina7648 · 20/02/2025 09:06

Just awful. I treated my last boyfriend like a prince -which he was to me and loved him (and his glasses) so much. I got crapped on from a really great height. I don't know if you are just so up yourself you think it's ok to treat people like this or you have your pick of men or what. Sickening.

I don't have my pick of men, and I'm good to him. I just don't like his personal style.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisFluentBiscuit · 20/02/2025 09:10

BunnyLake · 20/02/2025 09:08

Yes I think so too.

Show quote history

Why?

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisFluentBiscuit · 20/02/2025 09:10

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 20/02/2025 09:08

You're in a casual relationship. If you're in constant contact and go on dates, you're not just FWB.

Oh, maybe it is a casual relationship then. I thought that's what FWB was.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisFluentBiscuit · 20/02/2025 09:12

EdithBond · 20/02/2025 09:04

If he’s happy how he is, he shouldn’t have to change because a woman (especially one who’s not interested in a committed relationship) thinks he could look more attractive. Surely, it’s irrelevant what you think.

But, if they’re making you lose attraction to the point you’ll probably stop having a sexual relationship with him, why not gently and sensitively tell him? Being honest is important. You’re not asking him to change his glasses, you’re letting him know they’re putting you off.

Just be honest: you enjoy his company as a friend, you enjoy the sex with him, you find him sexually attractive. But the glasses are putting you off to the point you’re not sure about the sex anymore.

If the sex is more important to him than the glasses, he may change them. If he doesn’t think much about looking stylish, it may not have occurred to him how off putting they are. He may be quite happy to choose a new pair, with your support.

But if he’s not that committed to you, and sex with you is less important to him than looking as he pleases, and being comfortable, he may tell you that and agree you stop having sex.

And what about the polyester sports wear? I just feel I can't ask him to change these things.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisFluentBiscuit · 20/02/2025 09:14

Wilfrida1 · 20/02/2025 09:01

Please dump him - he deserves so much better than you. You are so shallow he could paddle in you.

He loves paddling in me! 😂

OP posts: