Half/step siblings

[Pickledeverything]

If your children have half or step siblings do you correct them when they say “brother/sister” so they use the proper term?

YABU - yes I do
YANBU - no I do not

I agree that this should ideally be child led. I don't get the idea that it's somehow morally superior to consider a half sibling just a sibling though. Families are all different and people are allowed to see things differently.

To be honest OP I would find this hard in your situation but I agree with PP that correcting your DC isn't a fair way to deal with this. You need support from elsewhere to process these feelings.

My 2 children have different fathers. They are officially half siblings. But they would never ever use that term. They are brother & sister. My daughter’s dad tried to correct her when my son was born & pointedly kept telling her she had a half brother not a brother. She used to get so upset and insist it was her brother. Her dad is still a nasty & bitter person to this day. Don’t be like him. My daughter does not have much to do with him. His nastiness pushed her away too in the end. She is 24 now, my son is 19. They are still brother & sister & always will be.

I think you would have to be a really nasty person to “correct” your kids in this way.

Toxic

I think you’re totally over reacting on this! It’s hardly the end of the world how they refer to these siblings, so not sure why you’re taking such exception to it. You’re the one turning it into an issue!

Yes, the moral superiority in denying reality is as weird as it is nonsensical.
Like they think there's a value judgement in stating actual facts.

As a 44 year old who has step brothers and sisters…can honestly say I’ve always referred to them as brother and sister. We are very close though and no one has ever corrected me! Down to personal choice I would say. Whatever they feel comfortable. Tell other people to sod off when they ask or are confused.

But if your children were to refer to their step siblings as just siblings would you correct them or am I wrong?

In what sort of conversation are they referring to their siblings and how do you 'correct' them?

They seem happy to refer to them as siblings. I think you come across as either pedantic or cold hearted towards your step dc. Why are you so concerned about what they call them?

They're not her step dc.

Wow you do sound bitter even though you deny it.

Many people don't ever marry but they are completely committed so yes, I would call the woman the step mum for sure

Ok so your last post was honest and truthful. You are bitter. I'm
Not saying that in some insulting way. You are genuinely bitter about how happy your ex is and how it wasn't good when the two of you were together.

I hope you see that this is your problem. Your dc are not in the wrong and criticising them for feeling connected to their half siblings will do nothing other than alienate you.

Please work to resolve the bitterness and be grateful you have young people in both sides who seem to like each other

I think there is a lot of difference in what you say, depending on the situation. I have children with two different fathers and they are siblings.
We have no contact with my step children since my DH died and they were adults when I met their DF so they do not feel like siblings to my DC.

100% would not correct them. They’re siblings, if they’re considering themselves so then that’s fab.
My Dad is my step, technically. But he’s my Dad, and I can’t imagine referring to him as Step Dad.

I would say it’s actually none of your business. Siblings, however they’re connected, have a relationship that’s nothing to do with you. It’s up to them what they call each other.

I do think this should be childled. I refer to my step siblings as “step-siblings” however my brothers just call them “brothers and sisters”.

My nieces and nephews just call me “Auntie JHound” whether biologically related or not.

The toxicity comes in wanting to reinforce to your kids that these half / step siblings are somehow “less than”.

If your kids are fine with it why do you care?

You sound bitter at a relationship breakdown?

You are bitter. And that’s a perfectly natural emotion.

But you are clearly bitter about your children evidently having bonded well with their new siblings and your ex having moved on happily.

And yes I would* my dad’s partner my step-mom. They are unmarried but have been together approaching 40 years. Why would I not call her my step-mom just because of a piece of paper.

(I say would that because I generally don’t call her that but that is because she is a nasty individual, not because they are unmarried.)

You seem like the kind of mom that would alienate their kids from the other parent out of spite.

Because to him she is not a “random kid”. She is his daughter.

How about your latest husband? 😁

No I would not “correct” then. My children have siblings that are technically half siblings, but they have never referred to them as anything other than brother/sister. I have step siblings and refer to them as siblings - personally I think that’s the best (or most inclusive/family oriented) way, but each to their own.

This and I would also really recommend sorting your head out or your children will suffer in the long run. I was that daughter (with new siblings I adored) and it was truly awful, trying to guard my mum’s feelings all the time. Try to put your children and their wants and needs first. Fake it til you make it!

'sibling' - as if we did not know each others' sex - is never appropriate. My DD refers to her step-sister as a sister (they did not meet until both were adult btw). My DSS refers to all his half-brothers and half-sisters (3 and 2) as his brothers and sisters. Calls my DD (his SDS) 'sis', but he and DS are just their names (maybe it's a man thing?).

Looks like you are the psychopath here, not to mention a total daft 'aperth and a control freak. Your DC have excellent relationships with step-brothers and sisters, and half-sisters and brothers and you don't like it? Stop interfering in their relationships and be happy as a blended family. I would not normally say this, but your DC's are right and you are not, and the DC's feelings come before yours.

I actually think it's lovely that a child would call their step/half sibling their brother or sister. So many step siblings don't get along.

Re the stepmum vs dad's girlfriend thing, my parents have been divorced and their current partners for 24 years. They are my stepmum and stepdad. I don't need them to be married to call them that.

I do think ‘step’ is a bit different from ‘half’ as they don’t share blood but as a PP said I think it might depend on various factors such as closeness, how long in each others lives, whether they live together etc. Those factors might affect how I would refer to them, however I don’t think I would ever ‘correct’ them and would be happy with however they wanted to refer to each other.