Page 31 | We’re spending the kids inheritance

Tuppenceabaggy · 2025-02-18T19:11:23+00:00

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly? Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they. Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd. My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help. Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this) I don’t want my parents money, i’m happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first. Is this just a generational thing?

Xlicktank · 19/02/2025 14:51

I don't really care what they do with their money as long as they're fair.

My FIL is happy to tell my DH (their son) he won't be getting any help, financial or otherwise yet his other (adult) son (with his second wife) gets more support of every kind than he knows what to do with and we're the ones with the disabled child.

My DH doesn't expect anything from his father but to be told you get nothing but your brother gets everything, stinks. It has just caused resentment and a breakdown of the relationship between my DH and his father.

Flossflower · 19/02/2025 14:54

TheignT · 19/02/2025 12:12

And me. I know one boomer who voted leave all the others I know voted remain.

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Yes all my friends in boomer age range voted remain. Wasn’t it the people from the north of England and the Welsh that voted leave?

2Rebecca · 19/02/2025 15:03

I think it's bizarre the way some people think everyone born in a particular decade ( 18 years with "boomers" ) have similar incomes and similar political opinions.

KimberleyClark · 19/02/2025 15:05

Flossflower · 19/02/2025 14:54

Yes all my friends in boomer age range voted remain. Wasn’t it the people from the north of England and the Welsh that voted leave?

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And Cornwall. I’m Welsh and voted Remain. Cardiff as a whole voted Remain. Ironically it was the parts of Wales that benefitted most from European funding that voted leave.

YesImawitch · 19/02/2025 15:13

Halfemptyhalfling · 19/02/2025 14:50

In the 80s 90s people would have spent similar at the pub or chippy and put money in the church collection plate on a Sunday. Given problems of loneliness and obesity it's not good to spend nothing.

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I was there in the 80s and people did not spend on fast food how they do now.
Flask of tea no coffees and a cheese sandwich on days out, after school my friends mum made us peanut butter on toast
Lunches at work were either homemade sandwiches or subsidised canteen which was very cheap.
My father had cheese sandwiches apple and a slice of Jamaica ginger cake his entire working life, flask of tea
Yoga/ gym -we cycled to work or walked
Fish and chips once a month
We never went out for meals
Pub was local social club so subsidised and Dad had 2 halves, Mum 2 Bitter lemons

Anyway my point is people who have choices can choose to save if they wish, if they dont its a moot point

LePetitMaman · 19/02/2025 16:10

TheignT · 19/02/2025 12:26

The bit you are missing out is12% of feck all was being paid out of wages that were also feck all.

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For a house that cost feck all.

Are people really this hard of comprehension?

ObelixtheGaul · 19/02/2025 16:15

LePetitMaman · 19/02/2025 16:10

For a house that cost feck all.

Are people really this hard of comprehension?

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Relative to the wages of the time, it was not 'feck all'. Are people really this hard of comprehension?

YesImawitch · 19/02/2025 16:27

People are conflating the jump in house prices with how people lived at the time -most people were scraping by week to week
In the 70s we had the blackouts
Inflation was rampant, there were NO jobs, food prices high
Things we take for granted were extortionate, a DF of mine bought a new cooker in the 80s, it was £400 , things were so expensive, Tvs rented as so expensive to buy.
No jobs and on the spot redundancies- mid 80s
So many men with families committed suicide at the deep shame they felt.
This idea that it was the life of Riley is nonsense
Once house prices shot up, people died and inherited or downsized in the 90s the money started to trickle down .
Prior to that it was pretty rough for most people -hand to mouth existence

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 19/02/2025 16:32

ObelixtheGaul · 19/02/2025 12:54

Would you prefer the banks did what the did in the 80s and lent you money they knew you wouldn't be able to repay and took the house off you after one missed payment?

I have no doubt you work hard. I haven't said you don't. But boomers in the 70s and 80s weren't exactly sitting on their arses watching the cash roll in for doing bugger all.

I'm sorry you'll never own a house. Neither will many of the boomers and early gen x who got stuck in the negative equity trap or stung by endowment mis-sales.

When you are not owning your house after working hard, there will of course be people who do own their houses and didn't work as hard in your generation, just like there are in the boomer generation.

There will also be people who own their houses and worked their damn backsides off for them, just like in the boomer generation.

Nobody gifted my boomer parents their modest lifestyle and their small bungalow in the North East. I know that, because I was there growing up when times were hard. When.my mother cleaned to make ends meet because despite popular opinion, not all boomers had parents living nearby offering unlimited childcare and there was fuck all else available so she needed a job she could take me with her on.

When I was at school and she got an FT job in an office, there were no flexible working hours. If I was sick, she had to tell them she was ill, because there was no allowance for time off with kids. She left me on my own once to go into work. There was no other option.

I don't begrudge that woman a pound of what they have now because I know it wasn't all some lucky life lottery. Women weren't all at home cooking dinner whilst papa earned enough for two, like so many on this site imagined, but it was a lot harder for women in the workforce than it is now.

In the year of my birth in the 70s, there was no mandated maternity leave. When it came in in 1975, it was still only for 6 weeks and only if you had been employed for two years. Women were forced into being SAHPs whether they could afford to or not because options were limited. No wonder so many of us were left alone in a way that horrifies most parents today.

I don't want to minimise your hardship. I'm just sick of people minimising theirs.

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Beautifully said

ValentineValentineV · 19/02/2025 16:34

YesImawitch · 19/02/2025 16:27

People are conflating the jump in house prices with how people lived at the time -most people were scraping by week to week
In the 70s we had the blackouts
Inflation was rampant, there were NO jobs, food prices high
Things we take for granted were extortionate, a DF of mine bought a new cooker in the 80s, it was £400 , things were so expensive, Tvs rented as so expensive to buy.
No jobs and on the spot redundancies- mid 80s
So many men with families committed suicide at the deep shame they felt.
This idea that it was the life of Riley is nonsense
Once house prices shot up, people died and inherited or downsized in the 90s the money started to trickle down .
Prior to that it was pretty rough for most people -hand to mouth existence

I remember renting my first flat and it cost £150 to get a phone line which was nearly two weeks wages.

JHound · 19/02/2025 16:43

I hate the term “kida inheritance”.

It’s not my inheritance. It’s my parents money.

BIossomtoes · 19/02/2025 16:48

LePetitMaman · 19/02/2025 16:10

For a house that cost feck all.

Are people really this hard of comprehension?

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You appear to be intent on proving that they are.

venusandmars · 19/02/2025 16:48

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/02/2025 13:24

I feel as if I'm banging my head against a brick wall here, which is not productive, but yet again - your friends and your parents' friends - a self-selecting sample - are not necessarily typical of everybody else their age. I was born in the early 1960s and thinking back to my childhood it was fairly typical that mothers were at home with the children when they were young but I can think of hardly any of my schoolfriends whose mothers weren't working at least part-time once they were at secondary school, and usually well before that. There were some very affluent girls at my school whose mothers may not have worked, but they were very much in a minority. Your circle must have been very different.

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Another early 60's born. In very ordinary circumstances - one girl from my Brownies went to private school. We were extremely fortunate as my Dad got a new car with his job, many of my friends' Dads spent the weekend lying under a jacked up ancient car trying to fix whatever mehanical problem had gone wrong that week. Lots of friends were much poorer and had no car. The 'Findus Crispy Pancake Mums' that a pp describes... well I knew only one person who was like that, and alongside all that 'indolent' time she also had a violent abusive husband - my own Mum accidentally let that slip years later!

That accidental slip was when I left my abusive ex and my dMum was glad that I (working and with a career) had the means to do it.

That was the trap of that era - stuck in an unhappy marriage and no job, no way of getting out, and the potential of being socially ostircized if you did. Of course, there are similar challenges now.

My own mum worked (as did most others, in some capacity) from when I was 8 but only able to return to her career [and she was fortunate to have had a profession] when we were 11 or 12. As children growing up during those times we had no ideas about the finances of our parents (or those of our friends' parents) or what their struggles were - how can some posters be so certain that everyone was living a blissful anxiety free life? Finance came into sharp focus when I was about 10 and my parents had overstretched themselves with some renovation work. We had a family sit down and a chat about not having much to spend and my sister and I offered our building society savings to help (probably amounted to about £150 between us!).

What I think is utterly, sad about this thread is that it pits women of different generations against each other.

I am delighted that women and families younger than me have more than 12 weeks maternity leave. I applaud child tax credits, free school meals, and all other benefits that support young families (none of which were available when I was a young mum). I deplore a housing crisis that see familes stuck paying massive rent while the millionaire landlords offshore their profits.

But we need to work in this together, with understanding. Not throwing bricks at each other.

Maggiethecat · 19/02/2025 16:49

LePetitMaman · 19/02/2025 16:10

For a house that cost feck all.

Are people really this hard of comprehension?

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You really need to stop this ‘feck all’ nonsense.

Yes, you are rightly angry that house prices are ridiculous at the moment but to persistently minimise that many people struggled to pay mortgages and even lost their homes in that bygone era is insulting.

TheignT · 19/02/2025 16:56

Sunshinedayscomeon · 19/02/2025 14:43

My mother is notoriously tight with her money and love for that matter. Apart, from the money she spends on herself which I don't resent. She's mortgage free, has over 400K in savings and has a £2k monthly pension (from my dad).

When we discuss the future, she's outraged that she'll need have to sell her house to fund nursing care if needed. It blos my mind. She's not worked for over 40years, has drawn a state pension for 20+ years and expects the state to fund her nursing care in the future. Despite being rich.

So £2k a month, any pension of her own? Interest on £400k, rent out her house, claim attendance if she needs care. Get financial advice if the time comes she needs care and she probably won't need to sell her house.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/02/2025 17:00

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 19/02/2025 08:43

This is a crazy thread. The phrase is not serious. People say it with a smile on their face e when they go on holiday or buy a new sofa-things they may not have previously done a lot of. It's not a serious statement. It's typical of a small number of younger people-possibly even a small sub set-that they'd read it as someone intentionally depriving them of something they were entitled to. Happily, most people are not like that, in any generation.

The fact is, people with spare money will mostly leave what they have, other than what is taken for care home fees. Obviously , people without money can't.

Batshit thread and some remarkably batshit posters

Ubertomusic · 19/02/2025 17:05

YesImawitch · 19/02/2025 16:27

People are conflating the jump in house prices with how people lived at the time -most people were scraping by week to week
In the 70s we had the blackouts
Inflation was rampant, there were NO jobs, food prices high
Things we take for granted were extortionate, a DF of mine bought a new cooker in the 80s, it was £400 , things were so expensive, Tvs rented as so expensive to buy.
No jobs and on the spot redundancies- mid 80s
So many men with families committed suicide at the deep shame they felt.
This idea that it was the life of Riley is nonsense
Once house prices shot up, people died and inherited or downsized in the 90s the money started to trickle down .
Prior to that it was pretty rough for most people -hand to mouth existence

I'm just lost for words at these lectures.

Seriously, when was the last time you guys looked around before delivering lectures on how hard life was for boomers and how easy people have it now?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/cost_of_living/5277965-what-do-you-actually-do?page=1

I mean, seriously?

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 19/02/2025 17:08

Thatcher sold off council houses. That's what happened to "Boomers".

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/02/2025 17:13

Ubertomusic · 19/02/2025 11:09

Don't despair! 15% on £20000 is 3000. 5% on £190000 is 9500.

Clearer now?

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Er, do you not realise that back then banks gave 100% mortgages on a high multiple of salaries?!! Can you really not do the maths and follow it through? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

OMGitsnotgood · 19/02/2025 17:22

Er, do you not realise that back then banks gave 100% mortgages on a high multiple of salaries?!

100% mortgages yes, which was a huge help in getting on the housing ladder, but max of three times your salary which I don't consider a 'high multiple'

LePetitMaman · 19/02/2025 17:34

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/02/2025 13:24

I feel as if I'm banging my head against a brick wall here, which is not productive, but yet again - your friends and your parents' friends - a self-selecting sample - are not necessarily typical of everybody else their age. I was born in the early 1960s and thinking back to my childhood it was fairly typical that mothers were at home with the children when they were young but I can think of hardly any of my schoolfriends whose mothers weren't working at least part-time once they were at secondary school, and usually well before that. There were some very affluent girls at my school whose mothers may not have worked, but they were very much in a minority. Your circle must have been very different.

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Whilst also identical to my experience, and those of my peers.

@Tuppenceabaggy where in the UK are you, out of interest? Maybe it's quite regional? As PP highlighted, whilst the overall trend might be the same directionally, it's much more exaggerated in the South than the North.

LePetitMaman · 19/02/2025 17:38

Maggiethecat · 19/02/2025 16:49

You really need to stop this ‘feck all’ nonsense.

Yes, you are rightly angry that house prices are ridiculous at the moment but to persistently minimise that many people struggled to pay mortgages and even lost their homes in that bygone era is insulting.

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I don't need to stop anything, thanks. And you don't get to tell people what they can say.

If you find it insulting, then that's up to you. It doesn't make it any less true about the general housing situation.

Just because some people still managed to make an absolute pigs ear of one of the easiest times to own property, does not change that it was one of the easiest times. God only knows what they'd do if they were in our boat.

HH4432 · 19/02/2025 17:39

OMGitsnotgood · 19/02/2025 17:22

Er, do you not realise that back then banks gave 100% mortgages on a high multiple of salaries?!

100% mortgages yes, which was a huge help in getting on the housing ladder, but max of three times your salary which I don't consider a 'high multiple'

But 3 x were usually enough for a decent mortgage.

I bought a 45K house with ex-H very easily in 1991 and I only worked PT.
I was on £7 an hour working in care. The same job now is still only £13 an hour, yet the house is worth about £380K

We had it good in the 80s and 90s, in a way my kids NEVER will re housing. My parents had it even better in the 60s/70s thought the huge interest rates were crippling for many in the late 70s and 80s, including my parents. But they rode the storm and boy, did they benefit

LePetitMaman · 19/02/2025 17:40

BIossomtoes · 19/02/2025 16:48

You appear to be intent on proving that they are.

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Do show anything that shows this.

Because all I've done is call you out. My comprehension is fine. How's about you show some evidence. I can find multiple examples of you not understanding the basics maths of the situation.

No? Funny that... awaits excuse

LePetitMaman · 19/02/2025 17:41

HH4432 · 19/02/2025 17:39

But 3 x were usually enough for a decent mortgage.

I bought a 45K house with ex-H very easily in 1991 and I only worked PT.
I was on £7 an hour working in care. The same job now is still only £13 an hour, yet the house is worth about £380K

We had it good in the 80s and 90s, in a way my kids NEVER will re housing. My parents had it even better in the 60s/70s thought the huge interest rates were crippling for many in the late 70s and 80s, including my parents. But they rode the storm and boy, did they benefit

Edited

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Louder... For those at the back....