We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

I don't begrudge them a holiday. If they said "We're off to Dubai again" I wouldn't care.

It's the fact I am supposed to find the skiing comment funny. I am not the sort of person to laugh at a joke I have heard 10 times before anyway, this seem to be my parents "in" joke, but I am very much not "in"

So your parents weren't great? Mine were helpful, I try and be more helpful to my DD. Sweeping generalisations help no-one.

What a sanctimonious generalisation.

I have friends who are nearing 70. They put down more than a minimum deposit for their child's first home. They provide childcare, both planned and at the drop of a hat to enable their daughter and son in law to work part time. They paid for their recent kitchen renovation. They gave their daughter a monthly payment to facilitate her last extended maternity leave. They haven't had a holiday by themselves for years and pay for their children and grandchildren to have holidays with them.

They are the very opposite of selfish and feckless and put their child and grandchildren before themselves all the time.

That is not a fair comparison.

When I bought my first property in my 20s, I had no money for holidays, new clothes, or even going out and couldn't afford to run a car. However, I accepted it as part of the deal with property ownership.

My first holiday abroad was when I was 19, paid for by myself. I didn't go abroad again until my 30's.

Fast forward 10 years, with salary increases and my mortgage payment staying the same, I started enjoying life more.

By my 40s, I’d paid off my mortgage, and even though I wasn't on a high salary, I found that I could afford a much better lifestyle.

The only fair comparison is how your lifestyle evolves at similar stages in life.

This!!
I am 64 . I spent over 10,000 of my life savings on implants. What am l to do? Go around with ugly gaps so my kids can buy a home. For goodness sake it's actually medical treatment not a cruise around the world. And l have set aside more in case l need to go back.
Also l hate people saying l worked since l was 14 , paid my own driving lessons etc. Our parents believed in independence. In teaching us how to manage life, how to manage money. That's a good thing surely and with bigger families it wasn't easy to provide everything for everyone.
My dc earn more now in their late 20s than l did at retirement thanks mainly to their super education that we paid every penny for..no loans in lreland. But it is difficult to buy a home so l will do everything l can to help with that even if it means downsizing. But l will have my implants!!

It's pretty obvious that younger gens won't have the same retirements though. Pensions aren't as generous, retirement ages are older, mortgages larger and longer, student debt.... It's nobodies fault, but current cohort of comfortable retirees are a blip rather than the norm.

I'm a boomer and it never occurred to me that my parents would pay for driving lessons. Can't remember any of my friends having them paid for either. My kids are always telling me to enjoy myself and spend my money on myself. I spend very little, habits of a lifetime I suppose. I'm happy my kids will inherit as I never inherited a penny so hope it will help them although I also enjoy helping them while I'm alive so I can see them enjoy it.

All my friends and relatives in my age group are the same. Most worry in case their money goes on care and their kids miss out.

I guess people in all generations vary.

Some will, some won’t. Two of ours are better off than we were at their life stage, are overpaying their mortgages and have already paid off their student debt in their mid 30s. Because of the industry they’ve chosen their pensions will be extremely generous. The other two have made different choices so aren’t and won’t be nearly so comfortable, they’re the ones we help.

You are right, there is no legal requirement for children to provide for their parents but do you think there is no moral requirement?

Perhaps this is why some people, of whichever generation, have arranged their finances to take care of themselves when they’re older because they don’t expect to rely on their children. And that may mean that their kids don’t get what they think they may be entitled to?

I'm generation x and it wasn't normal for parents to pay for driving lessons back then - that's why we all had paper rounds or Saturday jobs.

I paid for my own driving lessons when I started working. I’m a boomer.

I’m in my late 50s, and my retirement age is now set at 67. My defined benefit pension is also tied to the state pension age, so it's not just the younger generation facing the prospect of working longer.

With any luck, their 'greedy' boomer parents might pass away sooner, and they’ll inherit the lifestyle they’re hoping for sooner rather than later

And me. I know one boomer who voted leave all the others I know voted remain.

I'm in my 40s!!!

But I don't begrudge them the lifestyle. I just don't find the joke of we're spending it all and leaving you with nothing funny. If they just told me they were going on holiday, fine. It is the expectation that you laugh along with an unfunny joke.

Although there is a slight hypocrisy as they have inherited wealth that they have benefited from. They certainly haven't earned ALL of their millions.

I retired at 70. I actually enjoyed my job and I think it kept me young mentally. I wish I'd carried on if I'm honest but DH is disabled and his needs increasing meant I had to do it.

PP gave a list of properties their boomer relatives bought, with prices paid. And the price of a two bedroom flat in the same area now.

I don't understand why anyone needs to explain this. It's common knowledge easily derived from everyday life around you.

My kids have piles more money than me (in their 30s and from their father) After working for 40 years I'm going to spend as much of my money as I can enjoying myself. They will get the house when I go.

It's beyond not comparable. So when you say "bear in mind" and call people obtuse as if there's any merit in this utterly dim "oh but my rates..." you also have to acknowledge how stupid the comparison is...

When your house costs £60k, even 20% is only £12k.

When your house is £500k, 5% is £25k.

A lot of us have higher interest alone than your entire house value at purchase. By the way, that's the house you paid (like my parents) £64k for and it's now worth £780k if we want to try and buy it.

HRTWT as I don't like generalisations. I'm a boomer and my mum helped us buy our first house in the 70s and I've done the same for 2 adult children. I've done it because I love them and want to make life easier for them but couldn't afford to until they were in their 40s. I was proud of them both making their own way until then (studied hard, professional jobs, committed to working and bringing up children) and not sure I'd have helped them in their 20s as it may have derailed their journeys? Who knows.

I can see you have had a bad experience within your own family but that does not excuse the prejudice and vitriol towards older people you have shown on this thread. I am a Boomer although, like many others on here, I don't recognise myself in the stereotypes and have helped and continue to help my adult children where I can.
Your description of "feckless boomers" does not ring true to many of us for several reasons. I volunteer with a local foodbank and can tell you that the huge majority of volunteers are those you are maligning with your nasty generalisations, the over-60s. Same with the local soup kitchen, the church group that provide hot meals without any questions to anyone that turns up, the homeless shelter, the afternoon tea for the elderly and many more. Obviously we are the group with more time as we are not as tied with work and family commitments but it is hardly feckless and adds value to local communities.
My other thought is that, even if people choose to spend their money on things you don't approve of, it is moving money around the economy which fuels local companies, provides jobs and is, in my view, better than leaving it sitting in the bank as many elderly people who are welded to the idea of leaving an inheritance do.

@LePetitMaman The property values you talk about I suspect are in the SouthEast. Don't make the mistake of thinking that applies everywhere.
We live in the North of this country, which has challenges ignored by governments for many years, and our property is worth nowhere near those amounts. DS1 and DS2 are both based near London and both own properties which are now worth far more than the family home we live in (one is 1.5-2x ours and the other over 2.5x). I suspect the North-South divide is just as wide as the generational divide

Ultimately I think we can all agree there are some shit parents and some good ones, some selfish older people and some good ones, some greedy younger people and some good ones but, hopefully the good ones outnumber the others.

It's much too simple (and lazy) to say this is a boomer attitude. There are selfish people of all generations.

I'm a boomer and all of my friends and family are helping their adult children as much as they can.

We paid for our children's driving lessons, funded them through university, have given one daughter a big deposit so she can buy a flat, and are in the process of doing the same for the other. That's in addition to having passed on some inheritance to them a few years ago (by the time my husband inherited, he was in his 70s and we didn't need the money).

We are giving much more to our children than we ever received from ours at a similar age. To be fair to our parents, we are in a better financial position than they were, but it wouldn't have occurred to my parents (born in the 1920s) to provide financial help to their young adult children.

This is just your family though.
Applying your toxic family to a whole generation is unfair.
If 80% of young housebuyers have family help then it's an untrue generalisation anyway

When your house costs £60k, even 20% is only £12k.

Which is a vast amount of money when the average salary is £10.6k as it was at the time you could buy a house for £60k.

I waste 60% of my income on rent and I will never own my own place. So no, not quite the gotcha you think it is.

My job if done via NHS requires a PhD and pays around 35-40K for 5-7 years, this is for an extremely hard work. No bank would lend enough to buy anything on this salary. And frankly, I find the whole system ridiculous, both in terms of job requirements/pay scale and salary/mortgage ratio.

The bit you are missing out is12% of feck all was being paid out of wages that were also feck all.