We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

What counts as "irresponsible ' spending btw? Anything but giving it to you? What about starting a family you can't afford? Is that not feckless too?

My dad's money is his money. My money is my money. I don't think anyone should expect an inheritance

Wow I understand you want to give your kids what you never had. I can understand your disappointment. 😏
Times were different back then. Children were not prioritised like they are now. Your parents probably struggled to pay bills and that stretched them to the limit. And probably kept their struggles behind closed doors.
Try and be understanding and live the life you want to live with the love and care you never had put on to your own children.
They are so very lucky to have you.
If you feel like you've missed out, it could be so, so much worse!
Do you know what I got from my father my whole life?
One cup of coffee.
I met him late in life and instead of being sorry he didn't know about me or make up for lost time, he carried on being the selfish pr!ck he always was, while my mum worked 3 jobs to keep a roof over my head and had no time for emotions and empathy.
She got on and did the job like a 👑 Queen. Not perfect but she got the job done xxxx

Why do you think you are entitled to your parents' money?

You say you want to make her life easier but that is not helping her. You were taught to be independent. Surely you want that for your daughter? You will want her to have good work ethics and to take life responsibilities seriously with thinking she can rely on her parents

Not all parents are able to pay the rent on properties for several DC at uni, nor find multiple lots of 9k, either. They are equally allowed not to pay for those things.

The boomer generation or their descendants?

I don't mind the sentiment. What I do mind with my mother is the gleeful way she declares it and proudly tells us there'll be nothing left.

My parents also inherited from both their parents and my father was set up with a career in the family business. So there is an aspect where I do think of some of the money as 'family' money of which they are custodians off in a way. My great-grandmother was a frugal woman, and I know wanted to pass on what she could to help out her family- I don't know that the intention was that she would go with out so my parents could spend it in Barbados....

Your grandma is a dick!
Give her a wide berth xx ;)

Most are Gen X or millennial.

If you don't understand the difference between 5 % and 15% I despair!

I'm early 50s an me and siblings are all living comfortably (nott rich)and so better off than my parents ever were. Own homes, good jobs/careers , secure kids etc.
My parents couldn't afford to give all of us additional stuff so none of us got any extra. We all got Saturday jobs as teenagers (not as easy to find now) to pay our way. Once full time working we paid board to help with bills, none of this putting in savings for us.
My son is NOT as fortunate as we were. House prices alone costing so much of his wage (and we live in NE where prices are not as mad). I really think we are the better off generation, better than our parents were and better than our son will be and future generations.
We do help out where we can. He'll inherit our things anyway so I'd rather help out now where we can and see him enjoy /manage much better (BTW not talking tens of thousands or anything!).
My DM used to say, jokingly, she wasn't leaving us anything but bills. We never expected anything and would have much preferred she spent and enjoyed it when she was alive however poor health stopped that. Other than her home (less than 70 000) she had very little when she died.

Don't be obtuse
PP meant 15% bearing in mind house prices then is comparable to 5% now given house prices are much higher
It's not the gotcha you think it is !

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvg1e75ddygo

@JudgeJ I definitely remember my mortgage going up from 5-15%, within months of getting it. We had to take a lodger to cope.

It's a bit of a crass joke. Spend your own money, fine, it's your money. But no need to gloat about it. It's rather odd to be so proud of not helping your children.

Exactly my kids are better off than me and my retirement probably will never happen as I haven't got enough pension I've been on holiday abroad less than half a dozen times in my life my kids have both been around the world more than once I still wear clothes I brought 15 years ago we have to sell our house next year and anything we have from down sizing will be to live on.
The attitude "we wasted their money" and had it easy is just nauseating from selfish entitled spoilt adults

I remember Black Wednesday when interest rates briefly hit 18%. I was nearly sick on my shoes. The early 90s were an awful time, so many people in negative equity and so many repossessions.

One thing people don't seem to understand is Boomer generation only made money once house prices rose and they sold or downsized
1970s were tough , inflation was high and food extortionate
There was very little credit -things " on tick" were frowned upon
Tvs were rented
My parents were WC father MC mother, we had a semi and a small car.
Holiday was once a year staying with family
Everything was budgeted -you got your wage packet end of the week and that was that
If the money ran out , it ran out and it was tough.
My parents had reasonable jobs but worried about money constantly.
Women budgeted their housekeeping and a good cook was seen as a catch.
My mother was a dire cook 😂

In the 1980s many people we knew lost their jobs and houses-one payment missed and it was repossessed.
The standards of living were much lower.
I was cold and hungry most of my childhood, my father grew up in the 1950s and postwar was a very bleak time.
Applying today's standard of living to those times and thinking they had what we have now AND house prices rising is daft.
Standards of living in the 50s-80s was basic at best and poverty at worst .

I get it. It’s expensive I know! 😂

We should have built social housing for those genuinely disadvantaged or not sold it.

The government have been quite shit in that respect and in many others

But we are where we are and people have to take responsibility and make decisions best for them. The idea someone’s coming to save us is usually not helpful.

Two minimum wage workers on full time can buy a house in 90% of the country outside London and the SE. I don’t buy this myth they can’t because I did it myself. Everyone I know has also done it.

We can’t have it both ways. The gov topping up and paying for people’s rent and then expecting house prices to not be inflated. We can’t have a global country. London and South being one of the most desirable to live in the world and not expect their to be inflated prices.

I don’t buy this idea that people have a right to purchase where they were born. How is that also not unearned wealth.

I grew up in the one of the most expensive postcodes in this country. Did I think I had a god given right to live there! Of course not. The average property price is 1.7 million. So I moved to an industrial midlands town and bought an average priced home on two minimum wages.

We dont pay into a pension because we made a decision this is our spend era. I am paying childcare fees and we are renovating so in our next move we can pocket the equity and hopefully reduce cost that way. Many boomers didnt pay into pension until much later. We will just have to catch up. That is a choice we have made and we will have to take responsibility for that.

I was absolutely gobsmacked at your post. But if this is a prevalent attitude among a certain section of British society, I totally understand the ire of younger generations. I’m not living in the UK and I haven’t come across this attitude amongst my friends and peers, thankfully.

We are grandparents now, and are on hand to help out our son and daughter-in-law with our grandchildren when needed. It isn’t a chore either as we love spending time with them. On a side note, I’d hate to be away from home on extended holidays, as I’d miss the time with my parents, children and grandchildren, and I’m also involved with a lot of things in my area (volunteering type activities and hobbies) so I’d also miss out on those.

I’m sorry that you have such self-centred, entitled excuses for parents/grandparents. Who on earth would moan about a holiday with their children and grandchildren, regardless of the accommodation, lack of “entertainment” etc? Selfish gits who don’t value family and relationships above mindless spending on frivolities, I guess.

If the boomers have inherited from their families, it is not THEIR money - it is family money of which they are only custodians. They have the security of that legacy and to draw on it, and to use it to replace hips etc if needed privately, but to ‘burn through it’ as pp have described is truly a wounding towards your own supposedly precious children, and all the generations that come after that.

My dh and I have made our own way happily, but watching my bil and his sobbing wife and 3 young children lose their home whilst mil was on her third month straight in Caribbean and she really didn’t give a damn was awful. She shrugged when she got back, and went back to booking mass luxury holidays and designer lingerie at 74, and showing everyone the photos.

My bil never spoke to her again after that, not even as she died in the hospice. It was the last straw for him - after a life time living in her shadows, and so I bring to this discussion some lived experience of what happens when boomers only prioritise themselves.

My mil pleaded to see bil at the end, we couldn’t convince him that she was worth the 15 minute drive. It was very sad.
I wondered whether she felt it was worth it, in the last six months of her life as she died slowly.

She had burnt through all of the generations savings on a life in the fast lane for several years. The worst aspect is that had she been at home for some of the time, she would have seen the dr and it could have saved her life. She put her symptoms down to too much rich food and wine. It was bowel cancer, and had already spread. The dr delivered the news like it was irrelevant.

My dc missed out on having any living memories of their gm.

It is not about the money. Not in my eyes.

It is ultimately about feeling loved and valued enough that your dp considers your future security and the growing instability in some capacity, if they are able to, as the child/children left behind in the world.

Yes. They just don't get it, do they 🤦‍♀️

"We bought our home by saving before married". 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

The flaw in the beginning of that rant @Devon24 is that the pp who described her parents “burning through” money - with her full approval - are spending their pensions. There’s no such thing as “family” money, it belongs to the people who have earned, saved or inherited it and they have every right to do as they wish with it.

We don't go on any holidays. Ever.
We don't have a TV.
My phone is £6-8pm.
My car is 15 years old, never had one on lease.