We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

‘Abroad’ is a pretty broad umbrella. There are hundreds of countries in the world, with thousands of cultures. If you live in one that reflects your views, I suppose that’s helpful for you.

So, I take it that no, you haven’t done anything for your parents?

I think my parents don't really have a concept for just how difficult it is to get jobs, get on the property ladder, purchase decent cars etc now compared to when they were doing these things. My mum will suggest I buy a house like its nothing but can't seem to process that the value of property and the overall cost of living has increased at a rate wages just haven't kept up with. I'm in a good job that I've studied and trained hard for and I'm on a good salary for my sector but they still think I must be bad with money - I'm quite frugal and I save as much as I can into ds account because I worry if its been this hard for me to do these things, what is it going to be like by the time he comes to do it.

Exactly, kudos to you!

A work ethic, skills and resilience are the best parental legacies. Coddled cash-grubbers need to hustle more and work harder, like we did.

I am happy for you op. I agree with what you have said. My friends and I discuss it over dinner often. The horror stories and the waste.

The subsequent generations seem to be much more engaged with their children and care about wider society. The poor behaviour of the boomers has become the exception, and may serve as a lesson about the importance to care for others. No one wants to be like them.

The vulgarity of several cruises, kitchens or whatever - splashing the cash of any kind is largely seen as revolting these days. There is a sea change and many of us will invest our time and resources into the next generation lovingly, knowing the importance of doing so.

Yes, that surprised me (a boomer). I never expected my parents to subsidise me, from the day I started working. Their children shared the proceeds from the sale of their house after they died.

More recently, I’ve been gobsmacked by my husband’s nieces, in well-paid jobs, asking their grandparents to help pay for their holidays and house deposits. The doting grandparents handed over large sums of money they should have kept for their own care in old age. DH and I have ended up subsidising his mother.

Would love to see a breakdown of your budget.

You can call me what you want love (and you have). It’s all good.

In all sincerity I do admire your sense of social responsibility. And you make some good points. But you could work a little on the delivery part. When you come across as angry you’re at risk of losing your audience.

all the best to you!

That’s very unfortunate. I am sorry to hear that.

I am assuming you have had quite tough circumstance. Life is very unfair and I hope you get support with your rent.

I don’t see what that has to do with boomers though. If you are disadvantage compared to your peers then that’s not going to change your purchasing prospects.

Thanks, and if you could consider a food bank donation when you are docking next we would be very grateful!! Or something more altruistic of any kind… amen

You mean the boomers who fought for civil rights, women's rights, racial justice, labour rights, support for parents, workplace safety and other little things like that, which your ilk benefits from each and every day?

Done anything like what for my parents? They come to stay with me for weeks at a time, where I make dinner for them every night, take them out every day and so on, I do lots for them. What do you do for yours?

Yes, boomers mock millennials all the time :)
"Stupid lazy irresponsible brats, eating avocado toasts when they could save that money on house deposit!"

LOL

Is that a joke? You are joking right?

The biggest polluters of all time and you are standing on your Tupperware box lecturing us? Are you for real?

My FIL says this a lot. I don't care about the money- it's his money - but it makes me feel uncomfortable every time he says it. As though when thinks we're sitting here waiting for him to die so we get his money?! I know he's joking but it is in bad taste.

This is the sort of thing I mean. It’s a bizarre sort of self centredness. Like parents (and grandparents) exist to be taken from. And aren’t entitled to enjoy their own time and money.

I’m in my 30’s and have a toddler, so I’m not coming at this from the perspective of a parent with adult children. I just find some of the attitudes displayed on these sorts of threads shockingly selfish and entitled. ‘My MIL doesn’t do enough childcare’ or ‘my parents didn’t give me a house deposit’. Really?!

You let them stay with you and make them dinner? You’re listing that as a thing you do for them? Feeding them when they’re in your house?

What I do for mine isn’t relevant, as I probably have a lot more money than you do and it wouldn’t be a fair comparison. However, you’re complaining about your parents spending their money on themselves, but it appears to be a one way entitlement. You get that, right?

Our circumstances are not more tough than lots of other people's around us. Have you not noticed the crisis? It's been here since 2008 at least.

Just read a pp describing the number and prices of houses bought over the years and now let if you don't understand what it has to do with boomers :) I don't blame them btw - I think they just did what everyone else would do in their situation, took the opportunities offered by a booming economy.

The younger generation are just paying for wrong decisions taken by successive governments (supported by boomers but not just them) and live in the declining economy. I don't think the decline is boomers' fault, but it's very real.

Totally agree.

The young are paying for gold plated revisions and eye watering social care bills for a retirement and care they will never have themselves! That’s the truth of the matter.

• pensions

So, they’re both wrong then?

In what respect? I work full time as a lone parent and outsource my childcare as my parents are enjoying their retirement (as is their right) so a large percentage of my income goes on that. My parents had two incomes coming into their house until my mum decided she no longer wanted to work but still outsourced all of her child care to family members for free. She also inherited a significant amount from her parents. Are you seriously wondering why I might find it harder to purchase a home?

They were able to purchase a large 5 bedroom home with lovely garden etc for 50k back in the day. A 2 bed flat in our area would now sell for £190k. There's also the issue of younger women being priced out of being able to live near family so they don't have the same support with childcare as previous generations which is putting some younger women out of the work force altogether.

"You mean the boomers who fought for civil rights, women's rights, racial justice, labour rights, support for parents, workplace safety and other little things like that, which your ilk benefits from each and every day?" Funnily enough grassroots activism is my line of work - my "boomer" parents keep asking when I'll get a real job and are at times highly racist, questioned why I'd want to divorce my arsehole ex husband and from the way they talk are all about upholding the patriarchy. So maybe reconsider why you think younger women should be viewing older women as a monolith worthy of gratitude when we're still doing the work the previous generation started with some variance in challenges. Though truthfully I don't know of many activists who have that much venom towards younger women that they'd want them to struggle more- what an odd attitude. To me, it's about ensuring that the people who come next have better outcomes and chances in life than we did in ours. I can't ever imagine expecting younger women to be beholden to me in any way because I tried to create a better community.

Sorry, where are those famous labour rights on zero hour contracts? Where are those civil rights with everyone going mad in lockdowns while the toffs party? What exactly has been achieved in those fights? 🤔

I suppose so. But I may be wrong too! 😂