What do you do when your child won't take no for an answer?

[bluebane]

My 7yo is literally trying to wear me down by asking me the same thing on repeat until she gets it.
She does this a lot and I'm losing my mind.
It can be something I've said no to or something she wants immediately and will not stop keeping on until she gets.

You say no and then you just ignore any further moaning about it. Distract and deflect.

A combination of saying no/distract / ignore for a bit until an obvious big distraction comes along like it's time to go to school/dinner/bed/bath that tends to put a big reset on the question. (Mine are younger tho!)
Sometimes I think you have to remind yourself it is OK if your child is upset, especially if they are upset at not getting the thing you have already decided they can't have or is not good for them. It's not your job to keep everyone 100% happy 100% of the time.

Tell her not to ask again!

If one of mine asked again after I said no and told them to stop it then they'd be going to their room until they could behave.

We used to say 'Go on - ask me again'. And when they did, say 'no' with a big smile like it was a game. And then say, ' Go on! Ask me again!'.....'no!'.

And repeat until they became exasperated. They always cracked before we did.

I agree.
I don't think punishing for keeping asking is the way to go. You will paint yourself into a corner that way and just feed the drama.
You do however (as pps have said) need to be strong every time. because if you've given in after twenty asks in the past, it'll take a while for them to unlearn that twenty asks isn't just what they need to do to get what they want.

Love that idea!

I go with I'm not discussing this anymore, usually said 5 or 6 times before adding If you keep asking you will face xxx consequence (usually removal of screentime). Then I follow through with the consequence. 90% of the time reaching the if you keep asking conversation is enough for them to stop now.

If its about doing something now instead of later, I remind him that the more he asks the less likely it is he will get it.

Its taken probably 6 months to get to the stage where he doesn't just keep asking

My 7yo is literally trying to wear me down by asking me the same thing on repeat until she gets it.

I have not given in

perhaps you don't understand the two statements are conflicting

https://www.revolutionlearning.co.uk/blog/4-assertiveness-techniques/#

your daughter is using the broken record technique and it works on you

My 6 year old really really wanted an (overpriced) soft toy and cried and cried, and went on about it for ages. I agreed that she could work towards it, so she gets a pound for tidying up all her toys at the end of the day. Gradually she's working towards the goal (its 28 quid!!) I am hoping it is teaching her the value of delayed gratification and hard work, and we will go and buy it together.

For other things though, generally I talk to her about it, explain why she can't have it, and then if she whines and whines I say "that's enough now" and try and redirect onto something else.

7 year olds are just fairly irritating, if not repeating themselves, the conversation levels seem to linger around poo, farts, wee, so dull it could make your eyes and ears bleed. It’s why god invented holiday camps.

My 7yo is literally trying to wear me down by asking me the same thing on repeat until she gets it.

You literally posted that you do. Every single time you say no then give in, you're showing her that if she nags enough you'll give in.

Keep saying no and mean it.

Snacking is legal in England

I also sometimes say 'You can trust me. I said no and I meant it. It gets a bit tiring when you keep asking.'

I think snacking is legal in most countries!😆

If you're talking about smacking, then yes, it is legal. Doesn't make it right though.

Adding this because I don’t see it mentioned… reserve no for things that are really a no. No snacks right now is “after lunch tomorrow you can have that” and no throwing the ball in the house is “you can throw it out in the garden, but in the house we don’t throw balls around” etc. It’s so dependent on the child though! One of mine stops asking once he understands why, but not all children are like that. Good luck x

From about four I used to tell mine nagging was the quickest route to not getting what they wanted, cos them nagging me is misbehaving.

So - ‘can we go to McDonalds’ ‘Depends, see if we have time.’ If they asked me again I’d answer the same but with the warning. If they asked again - no, because you’re now nagging me so I can’t bring you. Shouldn’t have nagged.

Also I do say largely say yes and try to give them what they want because they are nice children and I am a sap. Just won’t comply, ever, if they nag. Obviously they’re NT and I can see it might be different with different children.

> It can be something I've said no to or something she wants immediately and will not stop keeping on until she gets.

I infer from this (possibly incorrectly) that you have given in in the past
So you trained her to do this
Time to untrain her

For nagging? The best consequence for nagging/pestering is to ignore it.
Walk into the kitchen, put your earbuds in, and engage in some fascinating washing up. Or do some knitting. Or listen to some music and read a book. Don't respond.

It has taken me years to learn this but it works well when you eventually implement it.

“something she wants immediately and will not stop keeping on until she gets.”

If you give in eventually, all you are teaching your DD is that it’s worth persisting until you crack. I remember my DS when our children were young - I said her DS could have a biscuit, and gave him one. He wanted another one and went in and in until in the end, my sister said, “Oh he can have another one, can’t he?” To which I said, well all you’re teaching him is that if he goes on long enough, he’ll get what he wants.” If you feel you’ve been unduly harsh, or it wouldn’t hurt, then you need to change the rules of engagement so that it’s on your terms - eg “You may have another biscuit when the big hand gets to the top, which is ten minutes, but if you ask again before then, the answer’s no” - and stick to it. If you have said no to your daughter for good reason, then tell her: the answer is still no, and it will be again if you ask me again. It’s wearing, but the penny will drop!

You need to punish/take things away.

Just say No and get busy with something else.

And yes the first few times will be extremely hard because she has learnt that if she keeps pushing, you’ll give in. You have to give it to her, she is really determined, which is a great quality - when focused on the right things.

Od also have a chat about how pushing by asking again and again is not ok. She is old enough to understand it’s rude, that’s she’ll loose friends if she acts like this with her. And that she needs to respect other people’s NO.
fwiw I doubt she does that at school so she knows and also knows how to behave if she wants to. She needs to learn that she should have as much respect for you than she has towards her teacher or her friends.

For DS with ADHD we don't call it misbehaving but it's also very common and the only thing that can get it to stop is ignoring it.

And we wonder why so many children have problems these days!

First response - No
Second response - asked and answered
Third response - there generally isn’t one. I just ignore

Exactly. Kids can be incredibly stubborn.

"The answer is no. It isn't a conversation."

The problem is that if she carries on pestering until she gets what she wants, she has learnt that if she carries on pestering she will eventually get what she wants.