What do you do when your child won't take no for an answer?

[bluebane]

My 7yo is literally trying to wear me down by asking me the same thing on repeat until she gets it.
She does this a lot and I'm losing my mind.
It can be something I've said no to or something she wants immediately and will not stop keeping on until she gets.

Let them wear you down even once is a mistake.

Send her to her room. Tell her she can come down when she's changed the record.

She probably needs to go and blow off some steam though. Bit of fresh air.

Is everything else behaviour wise with her generally OK? For example friendships, coping at school, going to hobbies, clubs etc.

I only ask because my DD would and still does do similar. She has ADHD and autism though and it stems from simply not understanding the boundaries or social norms. Taking things away from DD for repeat requests wouldn't work - there would literally be nothing left and she wouldn't be the slightest bit fazed because none of what was taken away was the thing she was asking for and focused on at that time.

If you suspect neurodiversity you might need a different approach to what others suggest. If she's just being persistent and annoying then that's different.

I have this with students sometimes - I just say "my answer isn't going to change" and then go about my business.

Is this for real?

Asked and answered. Next!

My 7yo is literally trying to wear me down by asking me the same thing on repeat UNTIL SHE GETS IT. - my capitals. She will of course keep on if she knows she will eventually get it.

No means no - just ignore her.

Indeed - we've learnt this to our cost with dogs!

No with a reasoned response.
I said no with warning of lost privileges if asked again.
Remove privilege e.g. screen time
Remove to bedroom/time out spot to consider behaviour and do not engage.
Once calm have a quick chat no meaning no. Hug and move on.

You only have to do this a couple of times and soon the child will learn that a no from you really means no and they will learn valuable skills to deal with their frustration.

Why are you taking things away? If DD wants something and can't have it, I explain why and offer an alternative. Sometimes we try to find a compromise. Sometimes I use the false choice (e.g. you cannot go out in your socks. You can choose to wear trainers or wellies)

I'm from England. At those ages, I would smack.

I wouldn't bother removing toys, privileges etc because sometimes I think kids like the drama / attention of this kind of thing. Basically they enjoy winding you up and getting a response! I think it's more effective to ignore / say no and move on. Just don't engage at all.

I'm not sure what being from England has to do with the fact that you rely on physical abuse to discipline your child?

7 YO!

if you ask me the same question once more you can go to your room and lie on your bed for ten minutes in silence

Stop asking me otherwise you will not be watching any TV tonight

If you ask again there will be no iPad time today

rinse and repeat - give a warning first though

and you must follow through on your threats

Do you remember asking this before - if yes - and what was the answer - it was no so why do you think that will have changed?

If they say no - well I do and the answer was no then and now.

If there a time delay - reminder I said yes for x date but I can change my mind and say no completely.

Taking things away from one of mind never did anything but cause further issues - and one had such a poor memory it could be that child had forgotten but even with other kids who had excellent memories if they did this might ask them what they were playing at - similar to above - and if it went on and they got older asking them why they thought annoying me would make their day any better.

because assault ALWAYS works! I am English too.

Well its not illegal here, unlike in many western countries.

You: Didn't you ask me this yesterday?

Child: Yes
Y: And what was my answer?
C: No
Y: Well done, that's right.

100% agree with this. Only say no once, then do not discuss. The less airtime the topic gets the quicker they will move on.

No, it isn't illegal. But physically assaulting your child is still a form of abuse, whether it's legally permitted or not.

It took a long weekend away to train one of the Cubs out of this. He'd had his parents wrapped around his finger for years, and "no" meant "try again until I buckle". By day 2 of consistent "no" and reminding of expectations he was totally flumoxed that not one of the leaders or Explorers had given in. By the end of day 3 he'd got the message that "no" meant "it ain't happening". At Cubs at least!

With my own DCs "no: tends to come with a reason and that's generally accepted. Further badgering will have consequences. Generally if I'm issuing screen bans, I'll work in one hour increments so repeats of behaviour accumulate a longer lasting consequence, and I don't run out of options quickly.

Just let her whine on
You don't need to take things away or any other punishment
You need to learn to ( pretend to ) ignore
Withdrawing your attention is what she will hate

"I said no, that's the end of it . I'm going to read my book now / wash the car"

She see you getting wound up, she presses more

What do you mean you're running out of things to take away? You need to stick with it until she gets bored basically. I have been known to write NO! A4 sized in marker pen and every time I was asked, just pointed to the piece of paper. You need to be consistent and not give in, she's learned that if she's annoying enough she gets what she wants so you have to grit your teeth and see it through.

I say if they keep asking the consequences will be worse than no or later - eg if I have said later continued demanding will become a not happening at all.

Sorry but you made this situation the first time you gave in after saying no. She learned that your no means yes. You have to tell her that from now on you will say what you mean and if she keeps asking after being told then there will be no treats and tv etc will be removed BUT you have to mean it. Sort this now before she is a 14 year old making your life hell.

I used to say to my DD during this phase: 'You've asked me a question. I've said no. You can spend all day asking me the same question. The answer will be no every time you ask. Very boring for you. Very boring for me. Or you can find something more interesting to do - read, help me baked, play in your room.'