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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off the neighbours use my drive constantly

303 replies

crappymeal · 17/02/2025 16:13

My drive is big enough for about 3 cars if they squeeze on. We have a car which normally gets blocked in by the neighbours who use ours without asking.

It also means if we have visitors, they don't have anywhere to park and they have to find somewhere up the street although the roads are skinny and it's a bit of a nightmare (and I guess that's why they won't do it).

They usually get about 5 visitors a day and don't ask if they can use it first.

I wouldn't mind every now and then (which I have said before) but it's almost every day now and I think they're taking the piss.

I've tried speaking to them and they have said that the visitors don't stay for long so it doesn't matter?

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 17/02/2025 20:16

Hoping for a diagram...

Is it possible they think that the bit they are parking on is actually theirs?

It just seems so odd that you've asked them to move cars, and asked them to ask first and they persist in parking there frequently without asking.

I'd be round to say 'sorry, we said OK if you asked first but you seem incapable of common courtesy so now you may not park there, ever, get to fuck'.

And put up a fence, possibly a 9ft tall one with fuck off spikes on it.

Codlingmoths · 17/02/2025 20:17

WilfredsPies · 17/02/2025 20:02

I don’t understand why you’d rather pay out hundreds or thousands of pounds on fencing rather than stand up to them. If you have a gate fitted, what will you do if they simply open it and drive in? Will you spend even more money upgrading to electric gates? Or carry around a padlock and chain with you every time you need to leave the house?

I read what you said about the shape of your drive, but is the entrance to your driveway so wide that two cars would be able to drive onto it at the exact same time? If not, then why have you not parked your car at the very entrance, so it’s completely on your driveway and off the pavement, but they cannot move their car past yours?

It’s not about standing up to them, they are ignoring her. She can yell at them, which she doesn’t like doing and nor do most people, call for a tow- I don’t know if they’d come or how quickly, she should do this, but a locked gate is not a complicated concept and gives her peace of mind. Nobody needs to carry a padlock and chain!

Tapsthemic · 17/02/2025 20:22

OP we don’t need to see a diagram - parking on someone else’s driveway is something you just don’t do. I’m sorry that’s happening.

I agree with PP who’ve suggested being more clear and not allowing “sometimes” parking.

I had a similar issue with my neighbours - we were quite close friends, and I realised that despite being lovely people, they really didn’t pick up on social cues and even when I told them directly to stop doing the annoying thing, they still needed me to clarify. It wasn’t cheekiness in their case - they genuinely thought it was fine and I probably wasn’t being clear enough. It annoyed me that I had to spell it out so much all the time, as it made me feel very awkward. But some people really need clear black and white boundaries. Hope you can get it sorted soon x

Whammyyammy · 17/02/2025 20:22

Plant pots (cheaper option), or penguin bollards.
If be absolutely raging with them.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 17/02/2025 20:38

@crappymeal I am so sad that we didnt get a drawing!!!

Scottishgirl85 · 17/02/2025 20:39

I genuinely don't get how people navigate life if you're this much of a pushover. Don't spend any money on fencing, plants etc. Just tell them to stop parking on private property! Tell them you were being kind but are now fed up of lack of privacy and inconvenience and it needs to stop immediately.

readingmakesmehappy · 17/02/2025 20:41

Go for it OP and keep us posted!

AlertCat · 17/02/2025 20:44

“Hi neighbours, we did say your occasional visitors could use our drive as long as you checked first. Unfortunately your visitors don’t check and they ignore me when I ask them not to park there, so they will not be able to use our drive at all in future. Please let them know to make other arrangements.”

IANAL but it might be worth sending an email like this, just in case later they claim some sort of custom and practice right to use your driveway.

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 17/02/2025 20:45

Is it possible they think that the bit they are parking on is actually theirs?

It just seems so odd that you've asked them to move cars, and asked them to ask first and they persist in parking there frequently without asking.

I doubt it. They just know that, if you ask for permission - especially if you're constantly doing so - people may well say No; whereas if you just go ahead and take what you want, you force the other person to challenge you and stop you, which they may feel very awkward about doing.

GabriellaMontez · 17/02/2025 20:45

Couple of bollards may be more effective than a fence.

Jc2001 · 17/02/2025 20:48

crappymeal · 17/02/2025 16:22

I've said to them before that if they're going to have extra visitors and need the space then to come and ask me and it would usually be fine but please don't use the drive without asking, they seemed fine. I've also had visitors turn up when there has been cars on my drive and I've asked them to move but that's taken a good 20 mins/ half an hour.

Show quote history

You're enabling them by saying this. You need to tell them not to park on your drive FULL STOP. Tell them you won't allow tuem, even if they ask. It's too late for that.

2010Aussie · 17/02/2025 20:50

Guggenheim78 · 17/02/2025 16:17

It’s not rude to put a gate on your own driveway but it is expensive.

If you have a wall or posts either side of the driveway, you can just put a length of chain across and attach it with a padlock. Best to put a bright marker on the chain, so that's it's obvious. It means getting out of your car to undo the padlock and do it up again when you leave but it should solve the problem.

tellmesomethingtrue · 17/02/2025 20:54

crappymeal · 17/02/2025 17:28

The car has left again now. I didn't go and knock on the neighbours door and tell them because they would have known where they parked and didn't make them move either. I have told them before when we've both been out the front and I get a 'okay' but they keep doing it anyway.

They're obviously taking the piss. All of them.

I will try the letter but I'm not sure that will do anything.

I will have to get the fence. And if it carries on until then, ring to get it towed.

Thanks everyone.

You're being very passive. Are you nervous to speak to them? Have you used your own car to block it so they can't use it?

Why do they have so many visitors anyway?

tellmesomethingtrue · 17/02/2025 20:56

buffyfaithspikeangel · 17/02/2025 17:35

Honestly some people...

My neighbours keep blocking me in, we had a blazing row the other day
He says "I have done my best with you"
I said "have you tried not blocking me in?"
He says "but you can just knock? I can't not block you in ever"
Me AngryAngryAngry

Half the street was curtain twitching and now we are at a stalemate because he thinks I'm being unreasonable to expect never to be blocked in, I think he's a fucking cheeky twat

Can you park so you are half out and he therefore can't block you in?

ButIToldYouSoooo · 17/02/2025 21:03

crappymeal · 17/02/2025 16:22

I've said to them before that if they're going to have extra visitors and need the space then to come and ask me and it would usually be fine but please don't use the drive without asking, they seemed fine. I've also had visitors turn up when there has been cars on my drive and I've asked them to move but that's taken a good 20 mins/ half an hour.

Show quote history

I'd stop being nice; they're taking the piss.

No more using your drive. End of.

Get a fence/gate/bollards and say no when they ask. Tell them it's because they took the piss continually so you're done.

Patterncarmen · 17/02/2025 21:08

Put a gate/fence in. Lock the gate. No more discussion. No more asking nicely. Your neighbours don’t give a darn about blocking in your car because it suits them the way it is.

People take the piss.

buffyfaithspikeangel · 17/02/2025 21:09

@tellmesomethingtrue no, he's basically abandoning his car in the U bit/turning circle of a cul de sac
Police have been out and said he's being fucking ridiculous, so now I'm keeping a list of every time it happens and they're going to go see them and report to the HA

Patterncarmen · 17/02/2025 21:10

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 17/02/2025 20:45

Is it possible they think that the bit they are parking on is actually theirs?

It just seems so odd that you've asked them to move cars, and asked them to ask first and they persist in parking there frequently without asking.

I doubt it. They just know that, if you ask for permission - especially if you're constantly doing so - people may well say No; whereas if you just go ahead and take what you want, you force the other person to challenge you and stop you, which they may feel very awkward about doing.

Yep, it is a form of bullying others into submission. Don’t be bullied on your own property.

FairFuming · 17/02/2025 21:21

Can you park your car horizontally across the entrance to your drive for the time being? It could be fun trying to park it at weird angles to protect your drive. You could make a display of it with some nice pots and maybe a garden bench 😆

WilfredsPies · 17/02/2025 21:24

Codlingmoths · 17/02/2025 20:17

It’s not about standing up to them, they are ignoring her. She can yell at them, which she doesn’t like doing and nor do most people, call for a tow- I don’t know if they’d come or how quickly, she should do this, but a locked gate is not a complicated concept and gives her peace of mind. Nobody needs to carry a padlock and chain!

Show quote history

It absolutely is about standing up to them. Why on earth should she have to pay out potentially thousands of pounds installing gates that she wouldn’t otherwise install?

And who mentioned yelling? There’s a difference between assertiveness and aggression.

EdithBond · 17/02/2025 21:25

Not very neighbourly. And passive aggressive if they say ‘OK’ then keep doing it.

What sometimes helps with pass agg or immature types (e.g. teenagers) is to ask why they do it, rather than immediately ask them not to do it. Asking why requires them to give you an explanation, which can sound inconsiderate and unreasonable when said out loud, e.g. “because it’s not a big deal”.

Then you can follow up with another question, e.g. “why do you think it’s not a big deal when it’s my drive and I’ve said not to do it without asking”. It also means you’re getting all their reasons, e.g. “my mum gets anxious parking on the road because she was once hit by a car when getting out of hers” [random example - not seriously suggesting this is the case]. I doubt they have good reasons, other than convenience and a feeling of entitlement and disrespect. But asking rules out anything deeper.

When you ask questions in a friendly way, as if you’re genuinely wanting to understand, it can make it feel less confrontational, which is what can be off-putting about speaking to people assertively and setting very clear boundaries. In your case, a literal boundary lol.

I’d give it one last go of speaking to them in a friendly, calm, open and direct way. Make it very clear you don’t want them to do it again in any circumstances.

If they still keep doing it after that, large planters to stop them accessing your drive are a good shout. Disrespectful people end up worse off. If they asked as you requested, they’d still be able to do it now and again. Disrespect gets you zero tolerance.

BellissimoGecko · 17/02/2025 21:37

crappymeal · 17/02/2025 16:26

Their kids seem to play out the front and end up playing football on our drive too as we have a brick wall which is often used as a 'goal'. It's all just getting a bit annoying. Will see if any suggestions help. Thanks everyone.

Op, you're being a mug.

Your neighbours sound unforgivably rude. Good luck with your fence!

Nevermind91 · 17/02/2025 21:38

Your neighbour sounds exactly the type to park on yellow lines outside a shop because "I'll only be two minutes- what's the harm?"
The harm being that there are plenty of other selfish people parking there throughout the day with the same reasoning.

godmum56 · 17/02/2025 21:40

Codlingmoths · Today 20:17
"It’s not about standing up to them, they are ignoring her. She can yell at them, which she doesn’t like doing and nor do most people, call for a tow- I don’t know if they’d come or how quickly, she should do this, but a locked gate is not a complicated concept and gives her peace of mind. Nobody needs to carry a padlock and chain!"

I directly asked the OP if she has ever clearly and calmly told them not EVER to park on her property. She (sorry)has faffed around saying ask first, that they can sometimes and she has also continuousy let them and their visitors get away with it. So I'd say it definitely is about standing up for herself.

Richiewoo · 17/02/2025 21:40

Put locked bollards in.