Why are so many people worried that it’s selfish to have one child?

[1970girl]

The old stereotype of an only child was they have a lot of material things. I don’t agree with this necessarily. Also I don’t believe that a child ‘needs’ siblings - even though potentially of course they can be a good thing.

But if an only child is traditionally thought to be privileged materially - although I don’t buy into ANY aspect of the only child stereotype - then why are some posters worried that having one child is ‘selfish?’

Yes, exactly the same tiresome people who thought I was unbelievably selfish not to have children weighed it with it being unbelievably selfish to only have one after I had DS. I used to point to their warring offspring and say ‘Yes, it looks so idyllic…’

No one has ever commented on me only having one child actually - is this just a thing that people think others care about, but they don't really?

And to the person that said something about sad 3 / 4 person Christmases, we have lovely 3 (3, how is that even possible?!) person Christmases.

Estrangement from my age is rare yes
but adults now not taking BS and going NC with family is getting more common

and i know more siblings who are no or low contact than who are chummy and close with siblings

It took my MIL 12 years before she stopped the comments about giving DD a sibling, comments how id look good pregnant again

In the end i got so blunt 'if i found out i was f*cking pregnant, id RUN for an abortion' answer like that a few times and she gave up, wish id done it sooner lol

Well, I had absolutely no idea I was doing anything at all controversial in (1) being contentedly childfree and (2) having one child at 39. It turned out to be a source of much comment — not from actual friends or family (apart from my legendarily tactless MIL, who, in response to DH and I sitting in her kitchen, having flown in specially to tell her and FIL we were having a baby, as we were living overseas and she was too deaf to be told on the phone, said ‘An only is a lonely!’), but people met at neighbours’ barbecues, friends’ relatives etc.

I was highly amused that I’d been being selfish to not have a child, and then somehow selfish for having one. Getting people to explain their logic was often like watching a dog trying to buy a lottery ticket.