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Original poster

Why are so many people worried that it’s selfish to have one child?

105 replies

1970girl · 16/02/2025 17:38

The old stereotype of an only child was they have a lot of material things. I don’t agree with this necessarily. Also I don’t believe that a child ‘needs’ siblings - even though potentially of course they can be a good thing.

But if an only child is traditionally thought to be privileged materially - although I don’t buy into ANY aspect of the only child stereotype - then why are some posters worried that having one child is ‘selfish?’

OP posts:
Babyitscoldoutside1 · 16/02/2025 19:04

I am an only child. I was miserable growing up. But that may be more to do with my mother than lack of siblings

ChonkyRabbit · 16/02/2025 19:05

MissyGirlie · 16/02/2025 19:00

Because it can be a bit shit and isolated being an only child. Even siblings who don't get on look out for each other. See it with DH's lot all the time.

You can't really believe that based on ONE family that you know?

RuthW · 16/02/2025 19:07

I'm an only child.

My adult daughter is an only child.

Nothing wrong with it.

funinthesun19 · 16/02/2025 19:08

People say it’s selfish to have a big family too.
Less than 2 is selfish
More than 2 is selfish
2 is probably selfish too.

Not up to anyone else though so sod them.

Flomingho · 16/02/2025 19:14

We would have liked to have had another child but after a traumatic labour, and feeling thankful that both myself and DD made it out the other side we decided against it. I will admit that we tend to spoil DD. She has had lots of holidays, extra curricular activities that may not have been possible if she had siblings. I sometimes feel guilty and worry that she is or may be lonely in the future but she is very sociable and within her friend group there is another girl who is an only child and now in year 10, they have been friends since the first day of primary school. The dynamics of a family are all different and whether you are a family of 2, 3 or 10 it should be what works for you.

Bestfootforward11 · 16/02/2025 19:15

Please. The arguments for and against having one child or more than one are well known. This is a faux naive post designed to stir people up. You do you and let others get on with their lives however they choose to.

Lou205 · 16/02/2025 19:18

I only have one child, he's an adult now and so glad to be an only. I don't feel selfish at all. I wasn't an only but really, really wish I had been. I don't speak to my sibling, we've never got on and never looked out for each other. I dread having to sort out my parents funeral/estate etc with them.

Mydogmylife · 16/02/2025 19:21

MissyGirlie · 16/02/2025 19:00

Because it can be a bit shit and isolated being an only child. Even siblings who don't get on look out for each other. See it with DH's lot all the time.

Well, it can be a bit shit if you have siblings that don’t look out for you - many examples evidenced on these forums . I am an only and can honestly can say I’ve never felt isolated because of it. I’m a great believer in what you don’t have you don’t miss

DoorToNowhere · 16/02/2025 19:27

MissyGirlie · 16/02/2025 19:00

Because it can be a bit shit and isolated being an only child. Even siblings who don't get on look out for each other. See it with DH's lot all the time.

That isn't always true.

I loved being an only child, I've always loved being able to have my own space and I'm not convinced a sibling would have enhanced my life in any way.

One of the main reasons I see for some saying you NEED to have more than one is about when parents are older and need care. Honestly, from what I've seen those with siblings don't have it any easier and it nearly always falls on one child to do the care/sorting out anyway. I often think the stress of trying to get another sibling to pull their weight is probably worse than just getting on with it.

Ultimately everyone's different and the main thing is to do what's right for your family.

XWKD · 16/02/2025 19:29

Anything less than 17 children is selfish.

Anything more than 17 children is virtuous.

TwoFatDucklings · 16/02/2025 19:30

Choosing to procreate is inherently selfish. We have babies because we are biologically driven to want to have them. It's our selfish drive to pass on our DNA.

On that basis, having 2 children is twice as selfish than having one, and having 3 children is 3 times as selfish

SwanOfThoseThings · 16/02/2025 19:32

I'm very glad I have a sister now my parents are frail and no longer mentally sound.

I have no children, so I am hoping the assisted dying process has been sorted out by the time I (inevitably) go the same way.

cunoyerjudowel · 16/02/2025 19:33

To protect your own feeling you will automatically judge people who have chosen different paths to yourself to reinforce you have made the right decision.

This is a natural unconscious thing that everyone does.

Weather the decision is to:
Have children or not
How many children
Have an abortion
Be a SAHM
Get a divorce
Cheat / leave someone who has cheated
Send your kids to private school
Go to university
Go travelling
Get solar panels

And so on and so on...

As my mum would say-

It's different strokes for different folks

There is no right or wrong

bookworm14 · 16/02/2025 19:39

OP wants a bunfight for some reason. Please ignore.

lnks · 16/02/2025 19:44

OP, deliberately threw in a grenade which pitted mothers against one another and then ran away.

The saddest thing is how many are falling for it.

Original poster
1970girl · 16/02/2025 19:50

Hello. Am not ‘running away’ or lobbing a grenade. Thank you for everyone's views on this thread. It was not intended to start a bunfight and indeed it hasn’t. 99% on this thread (quite rightly) think it’s fine to have an only child and the stereotypes are nonsense.

OP posts:
Original poster
1970girl · 16/02/2025 19:52

For all those who feel a shred of guilt about having an only child - the most confident, emotionally mature and popular girl in my class was an only child and she remains my role model to this day

OP posts:
cannaecookrisotto · 16/02/2025 19:53

And meanwhile, back in the real world, nobody actually gives a fuck how many kids other people have.

AlteredStater · 16/02/2025 19:57

I'm an only and it was fine, I wasn't lonely. I definitely wasn't spoilt, either. The surrounding families with 3 or 4 kids each got far more 'stuff' than I ever did. I had to go without things sometimes or wait for the right time.

The whole 'having a child is selfish', 'not having a child is selfish'... honestly just ignore all that and do what you feel is right.

mrlistersgelfbride · 16/02/2025 20:25

I've got one daughter age 7 and I've heard them all over the years ..."Oh you can't leave her on her own" "Time for one more" "When is she getting a brother or sister?" and even "Tick tock" 🙄

No no no. Nobody else's business. You never know what people are going through.

I am not cut out for mothering multiple children.
If people think I'm selfish, they are very welcome to come and look after a new baby for me.

cariadlet · 16/02/2025 20:41

My dp is an only child. He was happy as a child because he had close friends but we're now at the age where our parents need support. He's doing a huge amount of caring for his mum and has no siblings to share the responsibility with.

Our dd is an only child. Growing up, she had experiences that we couldn't have afforded if I had been able to have another child, and we made sure that she had plenty of playdates etc.
But I do worry that she will feel obliged to look after us when we're old and that she won't have anyone to share that with.

Neurotoxic · 16/02/2025 20:45

Ime the people who want to tell you you're selfish are not actually worried they just want confirmation that they made the 'right choice' by having more.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 16/02/2025 20:50

My DM was an only child and always wanted a sibling and in her 80’s still says this. I as such have 4 siblings. I think if you’re having 1 (given DM feeling) you should give them a sibling if possible. No more than two children though if you want to have any say in the environment 🌏

LindorDoubleChoc · 16/02/2025 20:55

You really don't understand that there are down sides to being an only child?

How odd.

curtaintwitcher78 · 16/02/2025 21:04

I'm an only child. I'm the happiest fucker alive.
I'm a middle aged woman. I know what's what.
I have one friend who's an only child who wished he'd had siblings. The others I know are just as chilled about it as I am.