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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at DH for giving child screen time

94 replies

Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 10:56

I am so mad and my only thought is to blame DH. I rarely get anytime to socialise with friends. The one time I do he overloads Dd with screen time. I’m talking the whole day I’m gone. 6 hours or so. I came back she wasn’t bathed, not put to bed, just in the same position I left her in whilst his on his phone next to her and DS is crying. That’s pretty standard as DS is 1 but DD is 3 and she certainly does not need that much overstimulation. I don’t give her any. I always play with her instead of rotting her brain but I find everytime she tries to interact with him he’ll just pass her an iPad to watch Bluey or YouTube. Or if I get a shower I come back and there she is, completely zombified. I understand kids can be difficult but he barely watches them as I’m the one who stays at home. He pretends he agrees that screen time is bad but the kids are constantly on it on his watch.

Fast forward to today, it’s his day to go out with friends and I’m with the kids. DD is feral like I’ve never seen. Shes not listening to me, completely messes the house up with crayons which she never does, she’s lethargic (has no energy to play with toys like she normally does) and gets burst of energy but only to do something she knows not to do. The final straw was when she pushed her brother which she never does and he bumped her head. She’s like an animal today! I don’t blame her I blame him because she’s never like this unless she’s been overstimulated or she’s tired.

OP posts:
Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 10:58

Not to mention she keeps asking for this YouTuber and then screaming when I say not today. Like tantrums screaming. It’s horrendous seeing my sweet little girl this way. She’s like a rabid animal!

OP posts:
curiouscat1987 · 16/02/2025 11:00

I'd be really angry over this too tbh. Next time you go out can you take the screens with you?

Also have a serious talk with your oh about the kind of parent he wants to be. We all know its hard work, but theyre only small for such a short time, and hes doing her tiny brain absolutely no favours letting her watch so much!

Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 11:02

curiouscat1987 · 16/02/2025 11:00

I'd be really angry over this too tbh. Next time you go out can you take the screens with you?

Also have a serious talk with your oh about the kind of parent he wants to be. We all know its hard work, but theyre only small for such a short time, and hes doing her tiny brain absolutely no favours letting her watch so much!

Haha I wish I could take the tv. I always have to turn it off because she’s standing in front of it and his just in no man’s land. It’s so frustrating. She’s not even watching anything educational it seems like she’s watching naughty programmes.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 16/02/2025 11:02

Put her outside to play

It's going to be difficult to introduce screen time limits when he gives it to her unlimited and you don't give it to her at all

Meadowfinch · 16/02/2025 11:06

unplug the router and take that with you.

Then your dh will find someone to offload his children on - mum, sister etc.

Looks like you had children with a lazy selfish git who's all talk and didn't really want them. I did too, it's easily done. There isn't an easy answer. Sorry.

Snoopdoggydog123 · 16/02/2025 11:08

YANBU he neglected them on the one day you had off to punish you.
Won't rush off now will you?
I'd absolutley rip him apart demand he rectify it all immediately.

purpleme12 · 16/02/2025 11:11

While I wouldn't agree with the 6 hours of screen time and not getting them ready for bed when needed, the rest of post comes across so over the top that it negates the other points

MumChp · 16/02/2025 11:28

Honestly I would be done with my relationship if my husband didn't parent responsibly then I'm not present. Not necessarily in the same way as me and I don't mind a bit of screen time but the children need to be taken care of responsibly.
Neglect and indifference are a way to blackmail me into staying at home ro do the parenting and I won't put up with that. Life is too short.

MaJoady · 16/02/2025 11:32

purpleme12 · 16/02/2025 11:11

While I wouldn't agree with the 6 hours of screen time and not getting them ready for bed when needed, the rest of post comes across so over the top that it negates the other points

No it really doesn't

Adhikv · 16/02/2025 11:36

This really pisses me off; it means that I feel guilty then using screens as they’ve had so much time on it already and it all falls to me. It’s such lazy parenting

DonnyBurrito · 16/02/2025 11:37

She sounds totally bored. Take the kids out of the house! Go feed the ducks or something.

purpleme12 · 16/02/2025 11:38

👍

Bababear987 · 16/02/2025 11:41

purpleme12 · 16/02/2025 11:11

While I wouldn't agree with the 6 hours of screen time and not getting them ready for bed when needed, the rest of post comes across so over the top that it negates the other points

I agree with you. He didnt make a good choice and my husband has been known to rely on the tv a bit too much but it's hardly the biggest issue and using language like "brain rotting" is a bit overdramatic.
He made a mistake, probably he just wanted some downtime too, talk about it and get over it.

RedHelenB · 16/02/2025 11:41

One day of screen time isn't the big deal you're making it. Yabu.

DonnyBurrito · 16/02/2025 11:42

No judgement by the way! But if she's around the TV and she's used to getting YouTube (really hard to wean them off that, believe me I've been there) then disrupt that cycle for her by always getting her/them out on your solo parenting days. Take a bit of pride in it, get them the healthy stimulation they need!
And maybe show your partner some of the research on excessive screen time... Although it sounds like he needs to take it on board for himself too!
Suggest a screen detox? Delete social media for a week etc?

GabbyP · 16/02/2025 11:50

YANBU at all OP

Rhaidimiddim · 16/02/2025 11:51

He is, simply, a rubbish parent and you can't trust him with the kids for any length of time. He doesn't get the issue, doesn't see cause and effect, and seems to have nominterest or instinct for interaction with his chikdren socially.
It is what it is, I doubt he will change.
My ex was the same mindset.

PizzaPunk · 16/02/2025 11:52

DD is feral like I’ve never seen. Shes not listening to me, completely messes the house up with crayons which she never does, she’s lethargic (has no energy to play with toys like she normally does) and gets burst of energy but only to do something she knows not to do. The final straw was when she pushed her brother which she never does and he bumped her head. She’s like an animal today! I don’t blame her I blame him because she’s never like this unless she’s been overstimulated or she’s tired.

Oh come on, 6 hours of screen time was far too much but it happened yesterday and you're trying to blame it on today's behaviour?

Sometimes kids just play up and sometimes they play up massively.

Today's a completely new day and if she's never acted like this before, that's probably because she's 3 and learning to push boundaries.

Maybe take her out for a run around the park so she can burn some energy.

Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 12:18

Adhikv · 16/02/2025 11:36

This really pisses me off; it means that I feel guilty then using screens as they’ve had so much time on it already and it all falls to me. It’s such lazy parenting

Exactly. I have to compensate for him not doing anything with her. Im the only one trying to make her day as active as possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 12:24

PizzaPunk · 16/02/2025 11:52

DD is feral like I’ve never seen. Shes not listening to me, completely messes the house up with crayons which she never does, she’s lethargic (has no energy to play with toys like she normally does) and gets burst of energy but only to do something she knows not to do. The final straw was when she pushed her brother which she never does and he bumped her head. She’s like an animal today! I don’t blame her I blame him because she’s never like this unless she’s been overstimulated or she’s tired.

Oh come on, 6 hours of screen time was far too much but it happened yesterday and you're trying to blame it on today's behaviour?

Sometimes kids just play up and sometimes they play up massively.

Today's a completely new day and if she's never acted like this before, that's probably because she's 3 and learning to push boundaries.

Maybe take her out for a run around the park so she can burn some energy.

That’s not the cause? She’s missed her nap which she never does. Has been screaming for screen time. Which never happens. And pushed her brother. Which is something she knows is wrong. Coincidence? Whilst 6 hours straight of screen time happened yesterday, he often gives it to her throughout the week, typically if I’m cooking dinner or getting a shower. I think I know my child more than a stranger online. She does not act like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 12:24

Rhaidimiddim · 16/02/2025 11:51

He is, simply, a rubbish parent and you can't trust him with the kids for any length of time. He doesn't get the issue, doesn't see cause and effect, and seems to have nominterest or instinct for interaction with his chikdren socially.
It is what it is, I doubt he will change.
My ex was the same mindset.

Did you leave him?

OP posts:
Seeline · 16/02/2025 12:30

Honestly 6 hrs screen time is not going to cause problems the next day. She's just having a bad day.

She probably doesn't need a nap at 3 either. That's quite old.

I think she needs some screen time - in a controlled way in terms of time and content, or else she is going to find things difficult when she is older, both in terms of being able to chat with friends about programs etc, and self regulation when the time comes.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 16/02/2025 12:37

Screens are useful for me when I need to cook the dinner or get the baby for a nap ! Its meant to be a treat though right! Not a constant! I get 3 year old a film on while I sort the baby or get food sorted and she’s so happy!

we travel a lot and she can have unlimited screens those days to keep the calm

if my husband did this when I went out though I’d be absolutely raging! Why isn’t he playing with his kids? Does he never take them out! Does he not know their schedule ?

how much does he do when you are both home together

PizzaPunk · 16/02/2025 12:37

Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 12:24

That’s not the cause? She’s missed her nap which she never does. Has been screaming for screen time. Which never happens. And pushed her brother. Which is something she knows is wrong. Coincidence? Whilst 6 hours straight of screen time happened yesterday, he often gives it to her throughout the week, typically if I’m cooking dinner or getting a shower. I think I know my child more than a stranger online. She does not act like this.

Show quote history

I think I know my child more than a stranger online.

What are you doing online, talking about your child then?

None of us know her, do we? 😳

Or are you only open to responses that match what you already think?

The sort of behaviour your child is displaying today, isn't necessarily due to what happened yesterday.

It could be, but convincing yourself it definitely is, won't help anyone because her behaviour still needs to be dealt with.

And what happens if she acts like this again and there's been no screen time and no-one for you to 'blame'?

LameBorzoi · 16/02/2025 12:41

PizzaPunk · 16/02/2025 11:52

DD is feral like I’ve never seen. Shes not listening to me, completely messes the house up with crayons which she never does, she’s lethargic (has no energy to play with toys like she normally does) and gets burst of energy but only to do something she knows not to do. The final straw was when she pushed her brother which she never does and he bumped her head. She’s like an animal today! I don’t blame her I blame him because she’s never like this unless she’s been overstimulated or she’s tired.

Oh come on, 6 hours of screen time was far too much but it happened yesterday and you're trying to blame it on today's behaviour?

Sometimes kids just play up and sometimes they play up massively.

Today's a completely new day and if she's never acted like this before, that's probably because she's 3 and learning to push boundaries.

Maybe take her out for a run around the park so she can burn some energy.

Nope, it happens. It took days for mine to settle back down.