To be mad at DH for giving child screen time

[Userhey983]

I am so mad and my only thought is to blame DH. I rarely get anytime to socialise with friends. The one time I do he overloads Dd with screen time. I’m talking the whole day I’m gone. 6 hours or so. I came back she wasn’t bathed, not put to bed, just in the same position I left her in whilst his on his phone next to her and DS is crying. That’s pretty standard as DS is 1 but DD is 3 and she certainly does not need that much overstimulation. I don’t give her any. I always play with her instead of rotting her brain but I find everytime she tries to interact with him he’ll just pass her an iPad to watch Bluey or YouTube. Or if I get a shower I come back and there she is, completely zombified. I understand kids can be difficult but he barely watches them as I’m the one who stays at home. He pretends he agrees that screen time is bad but the kids are constantly on it on his watch.

Fast forward to today, it’s his day to go out with friends and I’m with the kids. DD is feral like I’ve never seen. Shes not listening to me, completely messes the house up with crayons which she never does, she’s lethargic (has no energy to play with toys like she normally does) and gets burst of energy but only to do something she knows not to do. The final straw was when she pushed her brother which she never does and he bumped her head. She’s like an animal today! I don’t blame her I blame him because she’s never like this unless she’s been overstimulated or she’s tired.

Mine is the same with screen time. And my DH just says yes, it boils my blood! I have a 2-episode rule a day and now the youngest is almost 2 and wants to watch as well - they have to decide together what 2 episodes they watch (or chose one episode each). We have a houseful of toys and activities, we live 5min walk from the local park, 10min and 15min walk from two other parks, it's not like there isn't much to do. There's even a scooter skate park nearby. DH doesn't know how to play with them though, I think. So I always set them up with an activity or game and start them off and he'll get into it with them and take over. I shouldn't have to, and he has started beginning to take some initiative. He's learning. I cut him some slack because I play with them every day while he works so he genuinely may not know, but he is learning. Slowly.

I couldn't get worked up about the screen time. If he's in charge, it's his rules, surely.

However, the no bath, no bed is unacceptable, as that's non-negotiable childcare.

You've taken what I said out of context. My dd is the sweetest girl I’ve ever met and everyone who meets her says the same. She has always thrived and everyone thinks she Thats simply her character and comes a large amount of that comes from DH, who i love dearly. This is an isolated incident, after loads of screen time (which paediatricians say can cause the changes she is exhibiting). She does not have a behaviour issue at all it’s the opposite.

I feel the same way. Heck, I’m a stay at home mom and never had to worry about anything so he definitely isn’t useless. And I love him dearly. Will definitely try cutting him more slack and communicating more.

"I have to compensate for him not doing anything with her. Im the only one trying to make her day as active as possible."

"Whilst 6 hours straight of screen time happened yesterday, he often gives it to her throughout the week, typically if I’m cooking dinner or getting a shower."

"DH uses screen time excessively. I don’t think he understands the impact of if."

"I’m a mom to not 1, but 2 small kids with no family support, little breaks and above all, no sleep (ds is going through a serious regression.)"

"Heck, I’m a stay at home mom and never had to worry about anything so he definitely isn’t useless. And I love him dearly. Will definitely try cutting him more slack and communicating more."

These are all your words OP.

You can try and get him to step up and start parenting, or you can put up with his lazy parenting ways because you love him.

But if you truly feel his parenting is having such a massively negative affect on your daughter, that she's like a rabid animal, you need to think very carefully.

I dont agree with that much screen time at that age either.

But you have her today and it sounds like she is really bored with you too. She's behaving like a typical bored 3 year old.

Why don't you do something with her? Perhaps take the children out to the park if the weathers ok. Physical activity does wonders.

We've all been there with the lack of sleep, you'll have lots of sympathy there.
Posters, me included think your post is OTT which makes it hard to sympathise with your feelings towards your dp because it all feels so exaggerated.
Like I said in a previous post get out for the day do something active. One day of extra screen time will not break a child.
Your mood however will impact on their behaviour, so try to move on get out and enjoy your day.

Of course 6 hours screen time will have an negative effect.

It's 6 HOURS!

Not healthy for anyone let alone a 3 year old.

And some 3 year olds do still need to nap.

I'd be surprised if one off screen time would have such a significant effect . It's more likely you are stressed and frustrated and she's picking up on that.

But it is better if you are both on the same page. You need to compromise on a suitable amount of max screen time on any day and stick to it. 6 hours is ridiculous

I'd be hiding all the iPads and the router next time. Screw that.

@KezzaMucklowe Posters, me included think your post is OTT

What's OTT is 6 solid hours of screen time for a 3yo.

Screen time is the least of your problems, the half arsed parenting of your lazy H is the major issue. If he’s handling his child a screen in the five minutes it takes you to shower, it really can’t be that much of a surprise that this happened in your six hour absence.

This is who he is, accept it and try to find some middle ground or move on already.

I would be absolutely furious OP.

Why do you have a TV dominating the living room?
Disable it for huge hours of every day. Can't it be broken for a month? It seems that your child is extra senstitive.

Send your kids outside to play until they can invent calm games and play nicely with their books and toys inside.

That's if it was a solid 6 hours - which is my point.
The rest of the post and her replies to people who disagree with her are so OTT that's its easy for me to think that the solid 6 hours was an exaggeration .
This is just what the op saw when she left and got back, not the bits in-between.
Op is tired and overwhelmed. We have all been there.
We'd have buckets of sympathy there but will say if we think she's overreacting to something.

for all those denying that 6 hours of screen time could do this - you’re wrong. My DSC have 90 mins of screen time on a Saturday - 2 hours if we’ve nothing else to do - (they’re 9&11) and the minute the screens turn off their behaviour is awful. They’re irritable and angry and it can really last. If they don’t get screen time I’ve noticed a change in their behaviour too - obviously not the exact same as what OP describes but I think age difference will account for that. Screen time alters the chemicals in your brain and can be exacerbated depending on what they’re playing/watching. We make sure they play games that aren’t too overly stimulating as it makes it worse. Anyway 6 hours of screen time is INSANE for a child that age.

You're right, it's far too long.

But her behaviour was a whole day later, after she'd obviously slept/reset overnight.

Either way, the OP has listed how incredibly lazy her husband is when it comes to parenting, so the screen time is not the only problem.

Yeah I agree with this. @Userhey983 it seems like you are very anti screens and he's totally reliant on them. There is an in between! A bit of telly in the day is absolutely fine, but I agree if your husband seems to be sitting her in front of screens for hours on end then obviously that's not on at all. I think you two need to have a chat about what is acceptable. And he needs to find ways to be with the kids without totally relying on screens.

Not completely against them, the odd Miss Rachel is very educational. Being in front of an IPad all day though is harmful and I’m very aware of the negative impact it can have on her development.

I do also think there’s a difference between a gentle cartoon, designed for young children, and addictive YouTube doomscrolling. But either way, 6 hours is nuts

3 is not at all old for still having naps.

Sleep doesn't completely undo this. She's still looking for the dopamine hit.

This honestly isn’t normal behaviour from 1 day of tv.

You think something sinister happened?