To be mad at DH for giving child screen time

[Userhey983]

I am so mad and my only thought is to blame DH. I rarely get anytime to socialise with friends. The one time I do he overloads Dd with screen time. I’m talking the whole day I’m gone. 6 hours or so. I came back she wasn’t bathed, not put to bed, just in the same position I left her in whilst his on his phone next to her and DS is crying. That’s pretty standard as DS is 1 but DD is 3 and she certainly does not need that much overstimulation. I don’t give her any. I always play with her instead of rotting her brain but I find everytime she tries to interact with him he’ll just pass her an iPad to watch Bluey or YouTube. Or if I get a shower I come back and there she is, completely zombified. I understand kids can be difficult but he barely watches them as I’m the one who stays at home. He pretends he agrees that screen time is bad but the kids are constantly on it on his watch.

Fast forward to today, it’s his day to go out with friends and I’m with the kids. DD is feral like I’ve never seen. Shes not listening to me, completely messes the house up with crayons which she never does, she’s lethargic (has no energy to play with toys like she normally does) and gets burst of energy but only to do something she knows not to do. The final straw was when she pushed her brother which she never does and he bumped her head. She’s like an animal today! I don’t blame her I blame him because she’s never like this unless she’s been overstimulated or she’s tired.

Regardless of everything else YABU for referring to Bluey as "naughty programmes". It was literally designed to role model good behaviours

Each to their own. Multiple studies have found screen time can lead to issues like sleep disruption, decreased physical activity, poor social skills, attention problems, and potential negative impacts on cognitive development, especially in young children. So for my family, the negatives do not outweigh the positives. There was a time where there was no such thing as screen time and kids survived and thrived. I’d rather her be playing outside than just watching pixels but that’s me.

One of the multiple reasons the post comes across so over the top

Where did I explicitly say Bluey was naughty though? I’ll wait.

If you don’t like the thread, don’t comment on it. I didn’t explicitly say Bluey was naughty. I found out she was watching YouTube videos and other programmes.

Is your life really so unfulfilling you have to comment multiple times on a thread that you think is over the top? Surely you’re wasting your time. Find a hobby.

Which ones do you class as 'naughty programmes' OP?

Nice

The thread was inviting comments and opinions.
I gave mine.

I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted to hear

She's 3. She's not going to be perfectly behaved all of the time OP and playing with her all of the time isn't good either. They need to be bored sometimes.

It's more likely she didn't get out to let off some energy so it's pent up. Get her out for a bit.

Zilch which is also infuriating. I also travel a lot! I know first hand on the plane screen time can be a god send. But everything in moderation. I rarely give her an IPad; she will play with her brother all day and we start the day everyday by going to the park. DH uses screen time excessively. I don’t think he understands the impact of if.

we start the day everyday by going to the park.

Do you think it might be losing its appeal if it's every day? Could you mix it up a bit maybe?

What's she like at nursery/childminders?

Op, there's a middle ground here. You being super uptight about screen time is likely to backfire in the long run.

Rather than ranting about how 6 hours screen time has ruined your daughter for life, surely it's more productive to sit down with your husband and agree a reasonable compromise.

Otherwise your position could seem pretty controlling.

You can still protect your kids whilst having reasonable and mutually agreed viewing parameters.

The issue here is you and your husband are not on the same page when it comes to parenting.

You'll give your appraisal of how he parents and no doubt his appraisal of your parenting would be equally critical.

We can all say whether we agree with screen time or not but it's all completely irrelevant. You need consensus in your own household what the rules and expectations are around screens. It's more likely the inconsistency in parenting contributes to the disruptive behaviour, more so than the screen time.

All that being said, kids have bad days when they misbehave. All part of growing up, this could just be a bad day.

You need to talk with your husband and work together to parent.

There’s a difference between the people on here who want to offer constructive criticism or and advice and the people who just want to make others feel small because that’s how they feel behind their keyboard. You have already made your point repeatedly so I don’t understand to why you need to say it over and over again?

It really does. tbh if the rest of the post is so dramatic it makes me think the screen time us probably exaggerated.

Absolutely lovely. She’s a very caring and generous girl. Have yet to have a problem.

Op, just try to relax. Get out for the day - jump in muddy puddles etc.
The dc will be fine.

I don't know if it's exaggerated or not, but it's a hard read when a mother describes her child as an 'animal' and then a 'rabid animal', when they're basically behaving in a way that's difficult to handle.

Whatever the reason, she's a 3 year old girl with two parents who don't agree on their parenting styles, despite having had two children together.

I said twice about it being over the top.

It's not what I would call 'over and over'

You've told me i 'need to get a hobby' and implied my life is unfulfilling because I'm commenting on this thread.

I think the worst thing I've said is that the post is over the top!

You might want to look at how you're responding

Yeah that's completely unacceptable, he's their parent too!
I'm definitely not anti screen time but all day for a 3 year old is ridiculous.

His neglect and lack of attention is the issue, not the screen per se.

Absolutely lovely. She’s a very caring and generous girl. Have yet to have a problem.

It's absolutely inevitable that she will have days when she's less than perfect. She can be a caring and generous child and still have days where she behaves poorly. She's a child, not a mini adult and I'd be worried you're setting her up with very unrealistic expectations of perfection OP. All kids struggle with feelings and emotions at one time or another - please try not to project your expectations of perfection on to her.

While I don’t need anyone’s sympathy, one thing that I find on mumsnet is that a lot of people simply lack empathy. I’m a mom to not 1, but 2 small kids with no family support, little breaks and above all, no sleep (ds is going through a serious regression.) If anyone has/ remembers having small kids trust me sometimes days like this feel as crazy as this post might sound to you hence why I’m asking AIBU to be angry at DH. No I’m not exaggerating about the screen time. Constructive criticism is welcomed, advice is needed, kindness would be more than appreciated!

Thing is, if she splits up with him then she knows all the time the children are with him they're watching a screen. Which is just awful. He is a terrible parent but you've had two kids with him and he's not going to change.

Yes you are right to be angry with DH. What have you said to him about it?

Your asking for kindness while being quite snippy with people who disagree with you, and telling us your 3 year old daughter is like a rabid animal.

I think kindness is a two-way thing.

Either way, if you two can't agree on your parenting you'll have to eventually split up I guess, because your DD's behaviour is unlikely to improve with such a stark difference.

And that may bring its own problems because when kids live in two separate homes, they can often be very different too, due to different house rules etc.