Old(er) men creeping on young women [at work]

[FeFiFamPho]

Today I visited a shop and a lovely young woman, non-native English greeted us [was with DS2].

Later, noticed an older man talking to her about her weekend plans, specifically valentines plans and repeatedly looking down at her chest. I heard comments such as "sure someone must be taking you out", "you're clearly very worthy" etc...
I went over and interrupted, asking for her help. When she broke free and asked what I wanted, I said "nothing, he was just being creepy". I had hesitated interrupting for a minute later than intended due to trying to check whether she did feel uncomfortable, but she was being nothing but polite and friendly back. When I replied to her to say I wanted nothing, I was just interrupting because he was being creepy, she hugged me and said, yes, thank you. And repeated that twice.

I now regret not stepping in a moment sooner. And also, not saying more loudly when I interrupted, so the man could hear.

Would you have stepped in?
Would you have said anything loudly so the man could overhear?

It's stayed with me. Younger me remembers these interactions. Felt uncomfortable, brushed them off, entertained them.
Nowadays, being older, happy to intersect.
Hoping to bring my boys up to never repeat this behaviour.

AIBU: Should not interrupt/jump in
AINBU: Should always jump in and help younger/fellow females?

You were a superstar x

This would have been a better story had you not felt compelled to mention her being a "forriner". That's not even remotely relevant.

This.

Thanks @MrsTigerface It really has stayed with me because I noticed it instantly but was unsure about jumping in sooner because I was being too sensitive. It was the repeated glances to her chest that made me step in. But now thinking whether should have done quicker/more obviously etc.

What does the man's age have to do with anything?

Or her being "non-native"?

I actually mentioned this because of cultural differences and the language barrier. Relevant because someone native might be less tolerant. Trust me, if you had seen, it would be relevant. I live in a very diverse part of the UK, at my choosing. There is no racism or other prejudice due to any such factors.

The whole thing is fishy. He thought she was "worthy"? Then she hugged you? Pull the other one

Which is why the non-english comment was relevant.
All true.
My wording about "worthy" could be slightly skewed but it was along those lines. A creepy older man basically saying she was beautiful and therefore someone must be taking her out/paying attention to her this weekend.

The hug is factual, hence my reference to her being non-English.

I would feel that if my own dd moved abroad and had limited language in that country, that she would be even more vulnerable than a native young woman.

OP you did exactly the right thing!

Okay, apologies. All intended in good faith. Maybe don't read on from here? First ever AIBU post. Now expecting a pile-on.
He was older. He was creepy.
She was non-native English (that's not a swear word).
The relevance in mentioning this is I feel she was extra polite/entertaining of him was possible to culture/language.

I am a choose love, open the borders, refugees welcome person. All culture, nationalities, let's make a rich tapestry of life.

If you choose to criticise on those elements, that's your choice. I felt it was relevant. Maybe an error, but if so, a genuine error not a malicious one.

Thank you. You understood my use of non-native as it was intended. And articulated it well.

Would you have said anything loudly so the man could overhear?

Only if I was prepared to have my lights punched out.

You did the right thing op.

No, I disagree. I think it is an even bigger issue when the woman is not local. I took a phone call years ago working in retail from a university tutor reporting an unpleasant incident her student newly arrived from abroad had had in our shop. We were all shocked and the store manager commented on how awful it was that she had felt so uncertain and nervous that she hadn’t asked for help from any of the staff.

You can disagree. But again, your store manager made an assumption since none of you actually spoke to this women. As a "non-english" I can assure you we are perfectly capable and don't need patronising by the "natives".

Yes, this I what I have been wondering. If they could react badly. I feel torn between making the moral cause and not inciting conflict. And how do others feel in those situations? Has anythings bad come of it or are the men too shocked to he challenged?

It was the fact that she hugged me and repeatedly thanked me. And also stayed by me for quite the while. And gave my son a present from the shop - she said she would pay but I didn't let her. He was a creep and I just wish I'd stepped in the moment I realised, not the 1-2 minutes after because she was being friendly and conversational with him.

No assumption - that was what we were told by her tutor.

Thank you for your input. How do you describe yourself living in a country you were not born in, and if it is a second language- how do you describe that?

I felt it was relevant, for reasons I've mentioned and maybe the fear of patronising made me hold back for longer than I intended. What would you have done in that situation?

I was perfectly capable living in another country at 18 - but I have no difficulty in understanding that many other women would feel more vulnerable in a country where the language is not their first.

Isn't it obvious to you? Surely , you're not that naive?

I stepped in on a bus when a young female Chinese student was being harassed by a large drunken man. I could see she was turned away from him tight up against the window and he kept shifting closer, pushing his leg against her. After I intervened, he got up left the bus. The non-native issue was also present in this case - she was trying not to offend but obviously did not know how to handle it. So,well done OP.

Maybe she felt it relevant as I often see non native speakers as being more vulnerable, so felt for her even more.

And indeed we knew that there were other women on their own in that part of the shop that day - he targeted a young foreigner, the disgusting pervert.

This feels very disingenuous. Anyone, anywhere, in a land that isn’t their native territory will be more cautious and more facilitating. In an attempt to be open to other cultures, a “benefit of the doubt” mindset tends to rule- which in this case could well have been “this feels creepy but maybe this is normal cause no one is objecting, and I don’t want to cause a fuss so I’ll just tolerate it.”

Cultural rules, norms and mores aren’t written anywhere- you are always playing a guessing game. I still remember to this day landing at Heathrow, and riding the Piccadilly line to “Cockfosters” and laughing out loud at the name (yes I know it was juvenile) and smiling at the person in the carriage opposite me. It wasn’t until later that I recounted to someone the alarmed and hostile look I received when they explained “don’t make eye contact with people on the tube.” It’s not about “forriners” being weak or dependent, but having a natural disadvantage due to navigating unknown territory! How the hell do you know not to make eye contact on the tube? THERE SHOULD BE SIGNS.