Old(er) men creeping on young women [at work]

[FeFiFamPho]

Today I visited a shop and a lovely young woman, non-native English greeted us [was with DS2].

Later, noticed an older man talking to her about her weekend plans, specifically valentines plans and repeatedly looking down at her chest. I heard comments such as "sure someone must be taking you out", "you're clearly very worthy" etc...
I went over and interrupted, asking for her help. When she broke free and asked what I wanted, I said "nothing, he was just being creepy". I had hesitated interrupting for a minute later than intended due to trying to check whether she did feel uncomfortable, but she was being nothing but polite and friendly back. When I replied to her to say I wanted nothing, I was just interrupting because he was being creepy, she hugged me and said, yes, thank you. And repeated that twice.

I now regret not stepping in a moment sooner. And also, not saying more loudly when I interrupted, so the man could hear.

Would you have stepped in?
Would you have said anything loudly so the man could overhear?

It's stayed with me. Younger me remembers these interactions. Felt uncomfortable, brushed them off, entertained them.
Nowadays, being older, happy to intersect.
Hoping to bring my boys up to never repeat this behaviour.

AIBU: Should not interrupt/jump in
AINBU: Should always jump in and help younger/fellow females?

I'd have laughed at him and said "her face is up here, Sir" and given her a big, knowing smile.

Agreed.
I’ll file it under “stories the OP hopes sound good but didn’t actually happen that way at all”.

Reeks of white saviour syndrome...the non native English means nothing to me, be specific. How have you made an assumption the girl wasn't born here. The colour of her skin in not a worthy barometer of nationality. All colour and shades of people have been born here since time and memorial. See 'Cheddar Man'

This would have been great except I was the total other side of the shop. Because it needed such a physical move, that's why I hesitated. Definitely next time, and I love having that phrase in the artillery.. honestly, who does he think he is glancing down at her chest so often
Utter creep.

Okay.

Okay also.

I actually missed the bit where she tried to buy the OP's son a present.

How have I made the assump?
Hm.
The fact she didnt speak or understand English very well?
The fact she had very different culture (hugging) as an instant response?
The fact she looked extremely not typically English?
These things are not a crime, but are indicators to not being born in England.
When I lived overseas, the touching culture is the first thing that struck me as non-english, and the ability to share feelings/emotions to strangers. BROADLY SPEAKING obviously.

Genuinely enlightening posting on I'm AIBU. Feel I've entered an alternative realm where people are acting crazy and vocalising totally irrational responses, or at least, totally unexpected and irrational to my thinking.

It shows me that we are all definitely different. Or more, or less, keen on trolling and conflict.

Thanks to those who have understood.
Those on the other shoe. Don't worry, I won't go off self-harming.

Yeah, AIBU is batshit at the best of times never mind a Friday night 😂 🍷

God forbid you do something good for someone.

Thanks @AMurderofMurderingCrows genuinely feeling for those people who post on issues very sensitive to their well-being. What a pile-on!

The hug, I felt or interpreted, was due to the lack of language to accurately convey her feelings. I suppose another driver behind why I felt the wording of non-native English was relevant.

Please ignore the haters. I have been a stranger in a strange land many times as a young woman. I have always been grateful to the people who stepped in to help me, comfort me, protect me from inappropriate interactions with others. Now I am an old woman I wouldn’t hesitate to pay the kindness back by stepping in to protect a younger person from creepy or aggressive behavior.

oh and for FUCK’s SAKE you don’t have to apologize for identifying the age, sex, or national origin of the participants in this story ir for accepting a hug.

So it would have been OK had the man been the woman's age? That is the only conclusion that can be reached given the OP's OP.

I'll save you the thinking time: no.

Age is irrelevant. Ageist thread.

Age is not irrelevant because it can indicate a power dynamic, a power imbalance, or a potential mismatch.

No crime done. I would not try to justify that I was the knight in shining armour, rescuing a woman from the clutches of a roving eye. That woman and many other women are very smart and strong, and have the know-how to use a less aggressive tone, purposely keeping their responses mild, soft and kind, to stop a man making unwanted advances.

An aggressive defence is not always the winning move.

Christ, it's snowflake central around here.

OP, you did the right thing

Unfortunately it can be,I was on an over 50s employability course and there were two younger Ukrainian women there (help with employability tips and the barriers of coming from another country).
Anyhow we were talking about sexism in the workplace and I was talking about how rife it was in the industry I worked in and they started telling things they'd encountered from men talking filth about them because they didn't think their English was good and didn't understand what was going on.

Actually maybe the woman's age is irrelevant as well. Or either of their gender. And all adjectives...maybe even prepositions ans adverbs.

Op, you did good. And your description of the event was fine and relevant. Doesn't mean brits don't get creeper on but the vibe is differnet. I dunno why the weird snowflake woke side of mumsnet was th first to comment which invited the others to comment. And this is coming form a millennial woke snowflake who is also non-native and foreigner.

A lot of people assume my friend is Russian based kn her looks so they come to her at a bar to ask for sexual favours and asking for price. When she starts talking and they realise she's not, they back away. One of my oldest friends is Vietnamese origin and then she goes sout with Vietnamese friends she gets offered money for sex (they assume she's recently moved Thai) but if she's out with us white people then nobody does this. This doesn't mean that brits don't get assumed they're prostitutes or men can't be creeps to anyone and everyone.

If you're offended, that's your problem. You have no right not to be offended. Just grow up and deal with it.

And the significance of mentioning her being non-native English is?
And the breathy narrative?
Both totally unnecessary

OP makes a post about how she helped a woman who was being harassed by a creepy man. Briefly mentions her being young, him being old, her not being British, her being an employee, him being the customer, the man's gender and her gender to show there was multiple clear power imbalances that the creepy man was clearly preying upon.

Mumsnet squeals "YOU'RE A BIG FAT RACIST OP! I'M OFFENDED!"

Ignore them, OP. You don't need to explain yourself. Mumsnet is just plain weird sometimes.

You did a great thing and I'm sure the woman will remember you fondly. I hope this encourages more of us stick up for women like you did.

Most British people are also 'polite and entertaining' in a customer facing role. We are known for being so bloody polite someone could burn our house down in front of us, and we'd just utter ssomething like "I say old boy, that wasn't very sporting of you..."
So trying to use this as an excuse for mentioning she was 'non-native' is merely disingenuous.

you did the right thing OP. I understand why you mentioned non-native in this context, as unfortunately a lot of creepy older men view certain nationalities such as Thai / Filipino women as being more submissive and bidding than perhaps a Russian or French woman.
you did the right thing