Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

@Lucelady
Get ready for your parental retirement.

It is the lack of respect and entitled attitude that hurts. If he was struggling financially then you would understand.

Empower yourself by having "that" chat with him, if he does not want to pay up, he can move out.

He is happily ruining the relationship with his DM, stressing his DF.

Of course they pay rent, it teaches the value of money, teaches how to manage finances and expenditure.

I'm not at this point yet with my youngest daughter, but both of my girls have known that once they are in full time employment they can live at home for as long as they want but will have to contribute towards the house hold. I am a single parent with health issues and only work part time so the basis is that they don't cost me anything. So food, a portion of electricity, and an amount that covers the loss of housing element of UC. Broadband and water aren't included as they would be the same if they weren't here. Part of the agreement is also that they save for a house deposit. It's not that I don't want them at home, but it so much easier for them to save whilst still at home. I'm not in a position to contribute to a deposit, but I can make it easier by only asking for a modest amount for board. Dd2, 17 has her head well screwed on with two part time jobs along with college and is planning to train to be a Paramedic by the apprenticeship route.

@StMarie4me not sure if you didn’t read my post or if my post wasn’t clear - but I’m pretty sure I said that I wasn’t talking about situations that are outside of one’s control. I don’t know you, you don’t know me I didn’t judge you there’s no need to be rude. We can be adults and discuss difference of opinions without being rude - which I don’t think this is.
I’m sorry that this is your situation. My parents had 2 kids that they could afford and then my dad became ill and suddenly they couldn’t afford it anymore - those are not the situations I’m referring to when I said that people should have only had many kids as they can afford.

having said that I stand by my comment - please should only have as many kids as they can afford.

They aren't kids, but young adults. They aren't topping up benefits / wages for their parents, they are paying for things such as food, electricity and gas that they are using.

I am single and earn around £50k - trying to pay off a big mortgage and save for retirement
DS earns around £30k and is saving for a house (also single)
All I ask is for him to cover the extra costs of living here ie food, extra council tax and extra bills - which he does (he’s actually very generous and will often buy extras or treat me)
It works well for us
Completely separate to that I will gift him a lump sum when he does move out - equivalent to what I gave DD for her wedding
Hopefully it will help with furnishing, white goods, fees etc
when he moves out I will miss him but be no worse off financially as my costs will go down

Yes and it was a privilege to stay on in 6th form.

My mum did exactly this: charging me rent and then gave it all back to me when I bought my first house. I plan on doing this with my own kids. But if money is really tight i can understand this is not always an option.

This!

Dueanamechange2025 · Today 11:08

My DS18 (been working FT, above NMW) since he was 16 pays £50pw. He has way more disposable income than us (even though we are comfortable) and he blews way too much of it on crap. We pay all the bills and for his food, include him in any take aways etc so he gets a lot of his £50! He has a double en-suite bedroom and his gf stays most weekends!
We do it mainly to teach him responsibilities and that life isn’t free. We may or may not give majority back in one way or another but he doesn’t need to know this.

He is getting lot for his £50pw / £217pm - I bet just food for him, and his gf on weekends, costs all of his payments to you, never mind about utilities etc. This doesn't seem to 'teach him responsibilities' as it's much too little, I hope you've sat him down and showed him your actual household expenses so he understands exactly what a good deal you're giving him, and how different it will be when he moves out and has to pay for all his own household expenses. Even if he and his gf move in together, there could be a big wake-up call when they start budgeting.

I agree with Martin Lewis of MSE.com calling for financial education on the curriculum at school.

I agree with you 100%. Whilst I agree kids need to be educated how to budget and save, gone are the days that they could leave home at 16 and move straight into a flat then into a family home within a few years.
My DC have been taught how to budget over the years with their own pocket money and £ gifted. Also when older about HTB mortgages and pensions. Older again and about stocks, shares, and bonds. They worked extremely hard at Uni and I didn't expect a penny from them afterwards. They didn't ask to be born and charging them board in this climate wasn't for me, I much preferred them to save wisely, which they did.
If I had been on my knees financially however, we'd have had a chat to see how they could help.
My own parents charged me the princely sum of £15 per month, and I bought my first flat, age 24, on a junior admin wage. I feel so angry about how difficult things are for young people these days

I don't agree with the whole paying 'rent' or 'board' thing....doesn't sound right when it's parents and children.It sounds too formal and also makes it sound like it's a privelidge not a right to live in their own home anymore and that they should have to pay to do so!

However I do think that if a child in their late teens onwards is still living at home with parents and has a job, it is fair to expect them to pay towards some of the bills.I agreed to do this with my parents and we called it 'housekeeping money'

Aubergines and Eggplants.... It's the same thing really. Contribution to the costs you're incurring. Call it rent /house keeping/board ... It's the same.

I think not charging is more likely to set them up for failure. They have the opportunity to get used to budgeting and paying their own way as soon as they enter work whilst still having the safety net of being with parents and not having to pay as much as they will when they have their own home.

I assume they didn’t teach you any financial knowledge growing up as well and there’s a lack of it in schools. I was bad with money until I educated myself financially (had a bf in the finance sector). I was charged rent.

Same as @ChanelBoucle. Neither my DD25 nor DS 20 pay rent. They have both been saving for property deposit since they started working. DD will have enough saved to buy a place with her boyfriend next year. DS plans to buy a property with his girlfriend and rent it out and go travelling for a few years. We are in outer London/Kent borders. Both have good jobs. Neither mine nor my exH paid our parents rent and so were able to buy in zone 3 at 27. My sister and BiL did the same and nephew bought at 29, neice at 27, houses in Kent.
None of my friends charge their children to live in their houses.
We saved a fortune not having to buy clothes, days/nights out, expensive toiletries/make up, hairdressers, holidays etc once they were earning.
We did buy them cars at 18 and paid first years insurance though.
We are not wealthy but saved for them from when they were born. Both decided against uni so we didn't have to fund that.

I honestly don't see how you learn anything from your parents pretending to get you to contribute to the household you live in, then giving the money back to you. Save the money for them if you can do it and want to do it, but don't engage in a patronising charade.

Young people who live rent free often develop and unrealistic picture of how far their salary goes/the sort of lifestyle a wage affords you. This can reduce their ambition and work ethic. If you can afford iphones, foreign holidays, branded clothes, meals out etc on £25k you have little incentive to work harder for a better life.

@0ohLarLar I think this depends on how it’s handled. As I mentioned upthread, I don’t charge my dc rent. We’re funding dd1’s rent at uni and as dd2 has opted not to go we’ve recommended to her that she lives as home for a few years ‘for free’ and saves her money towards a house deposit. By keeping an open dialogue with your DCs, explaining to them the importance and in fact the necessity to save, it teaches them an equally important a lesson as the one you’re suggesting? In fact it’s a far more positive experience for them, one where hard work and being sensible with money brings its rewards.

Both dds have paid their way in terms of going out, clothes and toiletries etc since they started working in their mid teens. Dh and I are lucky to be able to provide the rest and I certainly don’t consider the dds to be spoilt or clueless. They’re actually rather sensible and delightful!

I think on here there is often a real focus on financial contribution from adult children above other types of contributions.

It often sounds like once an adult child pays rent, that's it, they are entitled to have their partners stay, their laundry done, their food cooked.

I think teaching adult children about all the aspects of how a home runs is just as important if not more so. I would want them to be doing a fair share of cooking, cleaning, gardening, DIY etc

This is EXACTLY a situation I was in...

Loads more disposible income than my parents when I was in my mid 20s (boomeranged home in mid 20s).

I paid keep of 250£ monthly - I'd also pick up some extra food too.... Loads more than my pals at the time - this was 30 years ago. But my parents needed it despite both working full time

People thinking "children" should never contribute financially- how do you feel about this situation?
A middle aged bloke in my family still lives at home. He has no intention of ever moving out, so he isn't saving for a deposit.
His mum was a cleaner, and his dad was a dustman. Money was/is tight. This man has a good IT job and earns close to £50k. He has never paid a penny to his parents whilst they struggled. He eats a huge amount but doesnt cobtribute to food. His mum died and his dad is now retired. Money continues to be tight. He continues to keep every penny to himself. When he's been asked to contribute he gets angry and shuts the conversation down.
Does everything think this is ok?

No obviously that is not ok. Neither is charging a teen who is on minimum wage though.

How is it not ok to charge an 18 year old on minimum wage? As of April that will be £10 ph, so it’s not unreasonable to expect a contribution.

As to your other argument that once children leave school you’re saving loads on food and transport etc, I’m not going to be saving the £500-600 I will lose for my DD becoming 18, so unfortunately she will need to contribute to bills, which will still be the same, only I will lose my Council tax discount.

Trust me, not paying the bus fare will not negate the loss

I never paid rent to my parents growing up, but I wasn't allowed to treat the house as my home, I couldn't have any boyfriend's over, parties, friends for dinner - and that was fine, because it gave me an incentive to save and move. None of my friends charge rent to their children and I understand that, but the children can basically do what they like. One of my friends moves to a hotel so their DD can have parties...I think with my friends they just will do whatever they can so their children stay longer. To be honest most of my friends are in long marriages and want the company of their children to do things with rather then their spouses.