Husband unreasonable over long lost brother?

[Ambi88]

Hi so my brother who was adopted out as a child 30 years ago, has found me literally this week.
iv been talking to him and my other brothers most of this week probably an hour a day.
so we were all taken as children, there’s 7 of us but me and 2 brothers were kept together.
This brother who has found us was adopted out and we haven’t seen or heard from him in all those years.
getting to my point, my husband has been acting stroppy and making comments about talking to them too much, and not bothering with him and that I’m ignoring him over “some bloke”
he was annoyed I didn’t answer his call as I was talking to my brother and I shouldn’t ignore him.
telling me to ignore calls and just being really funny with me.
brother had mentioned meeting at some point but husband is saying no not for a long time.
iv tried reassuring him nothing changes between me and him but for gods sake he is my brother who I have missed dearly and I feel like my husband has ruined what is supposed to be a happy time.
he isn’t being supportive at all and telling me Iv used him and now I don’t need him anymore!
what the bloody hell is his issue?
iv tried getting him involved in conversations and he is still stroppy. I have to text my brother in secret and pretend I haven’t heard off him just to avoid his moodiness. Is this jealousy or possessiveness or what?
I know I don’t know my brother anymore and I’m not rushing into anything but this can’t be right surely?
if it were him I’d be so happy for him and would support him fully.
am I being unreasonable? Is hubby unreasonable?
he does this everytime a family member has found me.. I’m confused?

Why the hell does your husband get to dictate the timeline for you meeting your brother?

I hope you do frankly.

Your H is an insecure, controlling, fucked up little man.

I can’t imagine behaving like your husband. He’s being a dick when he should be supporting you to reconnect with your brother and build whatever relationship feels right. He needs to grow up and stop feeling jealous.

I think there lies the problem. He's been so used to having you to himself for 11 years. He's not your main focus now and he is feeling threatened and jealous. Ridiculous really. He should be happy for you,instead he's behaving like a child 🙄

It sounds like you've been acting responsibly regarding finding your brothers and your husband doesn't have to worry that they're scammers or after money.

Funny that his being controlling has really put in an appearance since you have been in touch with male family members and are contacting them regularly. He doesn't like that you have brothers that are now involved in your life, he thinks he should get all your attention. I'm getting a bad vibe that he's gotten so unreasonable about you finding a supportive family member who wants to be part of your life again.

Keep in touch with your brothers and I hope you find the others.

Your husband is acting like a stroppy spoilt child. How embarrassing for you.

That really shines a light on the behaviour. I hope poor OP is ok.

Your husband is being possessive to the point of abusive.

Tell him to getcl a grip on himself or fuck off permanently. He should be overjoyed for you, not resentful.

Your DH should be delighted for you not jealous of you.

From reading your other responses it really sounds like your husband is actually abusive. You have no friends and no family.

He doesn’t want to you to connect because he doesn’t want you to leave him!!! How would someone even come to that conclusion.

I would really try and think about your relationship from an outside perspective and see in what other ways he controls you.

Yet another man who thinks the world revolves around him and that his wife should centre him entirely. This is about you having a life and identity that isn't all about him.

But do be careful - I have heard of long lost brothers and sisters falling in love with the intensity of the reunion. He may be aware of these cases.

My ex behaved in a similar way when I searched for and found my birth mother. He just couldn’t understand why it was important to me. I ploughed on by myself and built a wonderful relationship with my birth mum..although it took a lot of time and strength and included a couple of calls to the Samaritans as I had no one else to talk it through with. One of many reasons why he’s an ex 🙄

As others have already saif, your husband is being controlling. It's not good. What is he like generally?

You don't need his permission to meet or talk to your brothers

he isn’t being supportive at all and telling me Iv used him and now I don’t need him anymore!

He sounds half-way to implying that your interest in your brother is sexual. If so, he's a sick, sick puppy.

Your husband is being awful. But you know that. You need to tell him again how important your family is to you and if he doesn't support you, to get lost

Possessive controlling man child.

Enjoy rediscovering your family and don’t let the prick reduce the joy. If he doesn’t change his ways rethink the relationship. Tell him straights it’s his behaviour that will break the marriage.

It sounds like your husband has been used to being your everything, basked in your perceived total reliance on him and he has probably felt that you absolutely need him. Perhaps he perceives the foundation of your relationship as need (on your part) rather than choice.

Now you're starting to have family, this is being threatened and he's feeling like you have choices and could leave him.

This is not a justification for his behaviour.
I would reassure him that you love him, that you are with him because you want to be not because you need to be, and you see this as growing your shared family not an alternative to the family you have built with him. But then that's it.

Beyond that, don't negotiate with him, don't reason with him, don't hide anything (because that then gives him justification that you're doing something wrong).

Don't tolerate him preventing you from getting to know your family, that is your right. He can be involved and you can all be family together, or he can make it difficult and you will continue to see him as jealous and possessive.

I would avoid saying things like "be involved or be excluded" as that's going to play to his fears and make it harder for you. Focus on his behaviour, how he's making you feel and the lack of support.

He sounds like a narcissist who liked the fact you didn’t have family so that all of your attention could be on him.

now you have found some of your family and it’s taking some of your attention away from him his fragile male pride is hurt and it’s making him angry and jealous.

he sounds gross tbh.

I may have judged this wrong but one thing that abusive partners do is to isolate their victim and get rid of friends and family. You say you've got no friends and when you met you husband you had no family. So he had you to himself. He's now not happy that you are finding family. So it could be this. Is he controlling in other parts of your life?

I suspect he’s always had a controlling streak but you just haven’t seen it before because you weren’t doing anything to trigger his insecurities (like having a social life or spending time with family). Controlling men usually try to frame it as being “protective” so that’s a big red flag on its own. If you had to choose between him and your long-lost family, who would you choose? I suspect it would be your family and maybe you should tell him that. Or just get rid, although I know that’s easier said than done! It sounds like you’ve been through a lot in your life and you deserve a partner that supports you, not gaslight you.

I think he's trying to control you by dictating what you can or can't do. Plesse don't let him. Enjoy the moment, I cant imagine how hard it is to lose contact with a sibling