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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving kids home alone for 5 days?

332 replies

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 13:21

Dh and I have never been away with out kids not even for a night. I want to suggest a 4 night city break to him but before I do just wondering if you would leave dc of these ages home alone? Grandparents live a couple of miles away and would pop in everyday and happily run my youngest to activities.
DD 19 (holidays so back from uni)
DS 16
DD 13

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkPinkPinkBlue · 14/02/2025 17:54

And if she wasn’t capable I think her dad and I would have massively failed in the parenting department.

OP posts:
MumTeacherofMany · 14/02/2025 17:54

I wouldn't leave a 13 Yr old personally. Could the youngest stay at grandparents?

MN2025 · 14/02/2025 17:55

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 13:21

Dh and I have never been away with out kids not even for a night. I want to suggest a 4 night city break to him but before I do just wondering if you would leave dc of these ages home alone? Grandparents live a couple of miles away and would pop in everyday and happily run my youngest to activities.
DD 19 (holidays so back from uni)
DS 16
DD 13

As long as DD19 stays there for the whole duration of your trip then no issues, if not, then I’d be asking DGP to be coming to stay over.

If you have a ring door bell set this up on the 19/16 year old phones so they do not open the front door to strangers!

Set rules around cooking if you feel you need to…

WhiteLily1 · 14/02/2025 17:56

Glorybox2025 · 13/02/2025 13:29

What's the reason people wouldn't leave the 13 year old with their two older siblings?

I have 13 year old who needs a fair bit of interaction and supervision still. He’s pretty immature in decision making / risk taking and organisation.
Not fair to ask the 19 year old to constantly supervise. If anything went wrong, I would blame myself, not my 19 year old.

Original poster
PinkPinkPinkBlue · 14/02/2025 17:56

She could stay at grandparents yes but she would prefer to stay at home, eldest dd would also be offended if I shipped her sister off.

OP posts:
WhiteLily1 · 14/02/2025 17:57

Also, at 19 I wouldn’t have trusted myself to look after anyone at all for 4 days. Couldn’t even say I would have taken all that good care of myself 🤣 let alone be responsible for 2 younger siblings. One night yes. Not 4.

LBFseBrom · 14/02/2025 18:01

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 13:24

Obviously dd is more than capable of looking after herself but not sure if it’s fair to make her responsible for the younger 2. They all get on well and dd comes home from uni regularly and it’s like she’s never been gone.

As her if she would be happy to take responsibility, give her a little time to think about it. If she agrees and is confident, go away. Treat your eldest to something nice when you get home. I hope you have a good time.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 14/02/2025 18:01

SereneCapybara · 13/02/2025 13:37

I would ask 13 yr-old if they'd rather stay with granny or at home, If at home, I would ask 19 year old to be responsible for their welfare and pay them some babysitting money in return for specific tasks which you'd normally perform, such as:
Making sure they have a healthy dinner each night.
Making sure they have done their homework
Making sure they have clean clothes and school uniform
Knowing where they are and who with and what time they will be home
Making sure they have safe ways of getting to and from any clubs or social events.
Making sure they do not spend 4 days online, but have some fresh air and other activities lined up.

This. If you can’t trust 19 year old with that, then grandparents it is.

auderesperare · 14/02/2025 18:02

Definitely do this. It will be character building for all of them. My parents had never been away on their own until they left me (10) and younger sibling (5) for three nights to be looked after by older sibling (16 and super sensible) while they went on a trip to London. DS (5) had a raging cold by the time they went but it had been all booked and paid for so they went anyway. This was 40 years ago. We all lived. No grandparents popped in. No takeawys were bought. No money was left. No mobile phones. I think they phoned a couple of times during the weekend. Nobody thought anything of it. My mum had been used to looking after her younger siblings on her own from the age of nine! If you and the kids feel happy and confident with the arrangement, it will be fine. We need to give our children more autonomy, more responsibility and more adventure and from younger ages (obviously age appropriate) if we are to build resilient adults.

OldScribbler · 14/02/2025 18:03

lnks · 13/02/2025 13:25

They will have an adult with them so they will be fine.

I think these things depend like so many other things in life on the character of those involved.

EndorsingPRActice · 14/02/2025 18:05

I would if all 3 kids are happy with it, the 13 year old wouldn't play up and the 19 year old was happy to take on a parental responsible role for a few days. And like a pp said, a low likelihood of any parties.

Kim82 · 14/02/2025 18:14

If the dc are happy with it then go for it.

We left our 3 girls (aged 20, 17 and 10) in November last year for 4 nights and they were absolutely fine and enjoyed the freedom.

It was actually the older girls’ suggestion that we go as they said we deserved a few days away and they’d happily watch their little sister.

Booboobagins · 14/02/2025 18:15

I went away for 1 night and left my sensible 16yo at home. He invited 3 friends over - they told this friend who told another 'friend' there was a rave at my house all weekend. Some AH brought a kilo of coke wtaf.

My sensible 16yo had not a clue what to do. Didn't tell me or call the police. Some AHs stole stuff (about £10k inc my dead husbands jade ring - irreplaceable) and put 100yo windows through.

I learnt my lesson. A bit fat no from me. It's not your dcs but the AHs their friends know!

We lived in a lovely house in a lovely neighbourhood. (Think £m houses) The AHs all came from a very small town in Warwickshire a place people aspire to live - rich.... yes... rich.. but big drugs prob.

WonderingWanda · 14/02/2025 18:22

I think it would be absolutely fine. I looked after my siblings home alone at that age.

Petitchat · 14/02/2025 18:23

Pippa12 · 13/02/2025 13:24

Your 19 year old is an adult so personally I would leave my 16 year old with them.

I wouldn’t leave them responsible for the 13 year old tho. Perhaps the grandparents can look after the youngest for you?

Have a great time wherever you go!

Why not? There is an adult there.

I was married with a baby at 19...

Dueanamechange2025 · 14/02/2025 18:24

Yes I have / would. Younger DD tends to call into grandparents / auntie for dinner then comes home to sleep. She doesn’t want to sleep at grandparents. I trust them both.

Mesoavocado · 14/02/2025 18:26

I was left home alone for two weeks aged 16 and coped fine. Took myself off to school every day and neighbours were on hand if needed

Lyraloo · 14/02/2025 18:27

WifeImprovementWorksInProgress · 13/02/2025 13:28

I wouldn't leave the 13 year old. If you wouldn't leave them alone, it's not fair to leave the older ones reasonable for them. Can they stay with the GP?

Of course it’s ‘fair’ to expect your older children to look after their 13 yr old sibling as a one off. Mum and dad obviously do plenty for them and it’s not like it’s been a regular occurrence and they’re expected to do it all the time. I’m sure if asked they’d be happy for mum and dad to have a short break.

crumblingschools · 14/02/2025 18:31

For those saying 19yo could have her own kids, that is true but that would have been their choice and their responsibility to look after. the 19yo didn't choose to have siblings so shouldn't have to be responsible for them.

BreezyScroller · 14/02/2025 18:34

a 13 year old would be fine on their own already! Fair enough, an adult presence to reassure, but no work is actually expected from the 19 year old. It's not like you live her for 5 days in charge of a toddler.

JournalistEmily · 14/02/2025 18:38

Yep they’ll be absolutely fine. Enjoy yourself!

Ramblethroughthebrambles · 14/02/2025 18:40

If the DCs and grandparents are happy with this, I'd be ok with what you've described. I'd be wary of anything that means the eldest trying to take on too much of a surrogate single parenting role (eg re bedtimes, homework etc), as it's difficult to suddenly change from a sibling dynamic and could cause tension. With GPs regularly popping in and able to help sort out any disagreements that sounds fine to me. We left ours for a weekend at 15 & 18. They were absolutely fine, but the new carpet wasn't. Maybe ban things that stain if knocked over if that would bother you too?

Hwi · 14/02/2025 18:47

That would be an excellent learning experience for them, they will be happy they managed well, when you come back. I would have been thrilled if my parents did that. Go for it!

Hesma · 14/02/2025 18:48

No… not fair on your eldest

restingbitchface30 · 14/02/2025 18:49

100%, I find it weird people wouldn’t leave the 13 year old in the house with an adult!