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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving kids home alone for 5 days?

332 replies

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 13:21

Dh and I have never been away with out kids not even for a night. I want to suggest a 4 night city break to him but before I do just wondering if you would leave dc of these ages home alone? Grandparents live a couple of miles away and would pop in everyday and happily run my youngest to activities.
DD 19 (holidays so back from uni)
DS 16
DD 13

OP posts:
Whoarethoseguys · 13/02/2025 18:44

I wouldn't leave the 13 year old.can he stay with relatives?

48wheaties · 13/02/2025 18:51

I'm planning to go away for work for 4 days in the Easter holidays and leaving my 16 yo and 17 yo by themselves. The responses on here have terrified me!

Mine are real homebodies with high functioning asd., so it'll be pizza , air fryer chips, tv, and no real cooking. Ok, they might put a kettle on to make noodles! I'm confident there'll be no parties, nor even opening the front door....

Plus, I will have their godmother with a key who lives at the corner of the road popping in on evenings. ...but I'm still worried now...

Dollshousedolly · 13/02/2025 18:57

I’m not sure why posters wouldn’t leave a 14 yo with a responsible 19 year old for a few days. The 19 yo is old enough to have a few babies under her belt, if that’s the route she had wanted to take - so not sure why she couldn’t be take care of a 13 yo.

And it doesn’t matter in the slightest if they don’t get enough fresh air/eat crap food/stay up too late or whatever - it’s four four days and the independence of it all will help with their sense of responsibility and self-worth.

(I would imagine the 13 yo knows to shower/brush teeth/help themselves to snacks/boil an egg, etc, etc).

Dominoeffecter · 13/02/2025 19:32

48wheaties · 13/02/2025 18:51

I'm planning to go away for work for 4 days in the Easter holidays and leaving my 16 yo and 17 yo by themselves. The responses on here have terrified me!

Mine are real homebodies with high functioning asd., so it'll be pizza , air fryer chips, tv, and no real cooking. Ok, they might put a kettle on to make noodles! I'm confident there'll be no parties, nor even opening the front door....

Plus, I will have their godmother with a key who lives at the corner of the road popping in on evenings. ...but I'm still worried now...

Why are you worried?

48wheaties · 13/02/2025 19:49

Because it appears from the comments on here that it is not a good thing to do as a parent. It hadn't bothered me before I read all these comments. My kids would see it as a long duvet weekend 😄

Delatron · 13/02/2025 20:07

MissRoseDurward · 13/02/2025 17:51

Yes as long as the 19 year old is happy to look after the 13 year old and understands what this involves.

How much 'looking after' does a 13, very nearly 14yo need? What does this 'looking after' involve?

if the 19 year old is in loco-parentis and will follow the normal rules about getting their sibling to bed, up for school, fed and watered, helping with homework...

I'd be worried if a 13/14 yo wasn't capable of getting him/herself to bed, getting up, getting food and drink, doing homework.... As pp said, they're 13 not 3.

Honestly all I meant with regards to ‘looking after’ is actually being in the house overnight with them. Checking they’ve actually eaten. That kind of thing.

You wouldn’t leave a 13/14 year old overnight alone. So that’s the level of looking after really. Just being around in the background.

TheChosenTwo · 13/02/2025 20:36

We did!
20, 19 and 13.
the 20 year old came back from uni for a week because the 19yo was working.
They had a brilliant week, took him to the beach after school for fish and chips and arcade, made pizzas one night, went to top golf… he was almost disappointed when we came home!
They are all really responsible and we do have loads of family very nearby and fab neighbours but tbh the older 2 are very capable, properly competent in the kitchen and well house trained so we had no concerns. We’d left plenty of dosh for excursions and dinners out and takeaways and top up shops.

MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 13/02/2025 21:33

As the eldest daughter I hated this. The stress and feeling of being responsible for the other 2 and the worry.

I don’t think it’s fair to expect this of your eldest.

HairyToity · 13/02/2025 21:34

My 13 yo would be devastated, she loves a city break... Personally I'd feel guilty.

BrieAndChilli · 13/02/2025 21:48

Fuck me, a 19 year old could have a couple of babies, be married, being the army, work as a Nanny, work in a variety of jobs with responsibility, have a mortgage, work in a nursery, and a whole other load of responsible things.
Either mumsnet are raising a whole generation of adult babies who cant do a single thing for themselves or the world has gone mad!

Samung · 13/02/2025 22:36

HairyToity · 13/02/2025 21:34

My 13 yo would be devastated, she loves a city break... Personally I'd feel guilty.

Well children need to learn at some point that the world doesn't turn around them and their parents are allowed to enjoy some time without them just once in a while.

ragandbonewoman · 13/02/2025 23:15

If you have a ring doorbell then go for it

TheChosenTwo · 13/02/2025 23:48

Samung · 13/02/2025 22:36

Well children need to learn at some point that the world doesn't turn around them and their parents are allowed to enjoy some time without them just once in a while.

Show quote history

100% imo!
At 13 surely they know that not everything has to involve them? And that people (including parents) have lives outside of them?
Anyway, I go away with my children and enjoy it and go away without them totally guilt free.
Op I hope you can find a way to make it work.

rainbowunicorn · 13/02/2025 23:49

Winter2020 · 13/02/2025 13:29

I would if the 19 year old is responsible and explicitly agreed to be the responsible adult - to be in the house/with their siblings say 7pm - 7am and to ensure there was an evening meal whether bought or cooked. If the younger siblings cook the 19 year old would need to supervise.

I would probably offer the 19 year old a couple of hundred quid to mind their siblings- on top of grocery/take away money - to be paid when I got home and everyone and the house was in one piece.

If the 19 year old did not agree to mind their siblings I wouldn't go.

Why on earth would the 19 year old need to supervise a 13 year old and a 16 year old cooking. My kids cooked regularly from 12 without supervision as do many. They aren't toddlers. Are you seriously saying you would supervise a 16 year old cooking some pasta? No wonder we have a generation of young adults that are unable to do basic things.

rainbowunicorn · 13/02/2025 23:51

Timetoheal4good · 13/02/2025 14:40

Am I silly for being confused by the emphasis in some responses being placed on making sure there are healthy meals cooked each night?

I absolutely think that it's fine to leave them, especially with GP being in and out. But I'm baffled by PP thinking that the 19 year old will be a surrogate parent while you're away. They will manage fine as long as they get on well enough and they keep tabs on each others whereabouts/everyone is safe and in bed each night.

As far as I'm concerned, if they eat takeaways, watch TV and spend 5 days online on a game console, that is fine too. In fact, I'd probably expect it. I moved out at 17 and thrived. The house won't be clean to your standards but ask that they try and work together.

Someone suggested the 19 year old having to supervise all cooking? Surely 16 year olds are more than capable of preparing food for themselves 🙈

Yep, mumsnet is a completely different world from anything I've ever experienced.

NotVeryFunny · 14/02/2025 01:08

The world has gone fucking completely insane if it's not ok to leave a 13 year old with a 19 year old sibling for a few days,

User788889 · 14/02/2025 04:46

LazyArsedMagician · 13/02/2025 16:36

it's not fair to leave the older ones reasonable for them

I don't understand this thought. This is a 13 year old, not a 3 year old. Even if they live on pot noodles and go to bed at 3am for four days, so what?

Plus - maybe ASK the 19 year old first before assuming they won't do it?

I agree with those posters saying no wonder kids are growing up with no idea how to do anything.

I would pay them. It’s like asking them to babysit they should get something from it, £100 sounds fair to me but maybe just a gesture that they would appreciate. Parents never assume your older kids should just babysit. Ask them if they are comfortable first and ideally offer them something in return. They are helping you after all

Member984815 · 14/02/2025 10:03

I know it was the 90s and a different time but when I was 16 I babysat my 7 and 4 year old siblings whilst my parents went away for the weekend I also had an older sibling and one a couple years younger but they took care of themselves. With all the technology now it's easier to check in and keep an eye on them. We had a neighbour pop in to see we were alright but she wasn't intrusive just called round once made it known if we wanted anything to go to her .it's good for them to manage themselves for a while

veryverytiredmummy · 14/02/2025 17:46

Is the City break in England or Wales (assuming you are)? If not you'll be leaving 2 children without anyone within the jurisdiction who holds PR if something does happen.

If the break is in the UK, I'd put something in writing that enables the 19 year old and the Grandparents to authorise medical treatment.

I wouldn't go abroad until the youngest was 16 probably 17 tbh.

liveforsummer · 14/02/2025 17:46

loropianalover · 13/02/2025 13:25

Yes I would happily do this. I was often left alone from 12 onwards and was always fine, so 3 siblings plus grandparents on call wouldn’t phase me one bit.

For 5 days?

Jack80 · 14/02/2025 17:47

Yeah unless they are not to be trusted

liveforsummer · 14/02/2025 17:49

This is wild 😆. I'm pretty relaxed - very in the mumsnet scheme of things but usually there is horror at a dc that age staying alone for a few hours now it's ok for 5 days. I don't think it's fair to leave older dc in charge for that long - big responsibility for the 19 yo who probably wants to spend some with friends etc. No way would I do this. 13 yo to grandparents and leave the other 2 seems better

Vinomummyinlockdown · 14/02/2025 17:50

Gen X here … we raised ourselves and we were fine 😆💃🙌

Original poster
PinkPinkPinkBlue · 14/02/2025 17:51

It’s abroad Easter school holidays, our holidays seem to start a week later than a lot of the country, so if we go in the second week eldest dd would of turned 20 a few days before. I think we are going to do it, at 20 years old she is definitely capable of being responsible for 5 days.

OP posts:
Wingingitnancy · 14/02/2025 17:54

Pippa12 · 13/02/2025 13:24

Your 19 year old is an adult so personally I would leave my 16 year old with them.

I wouldn’t leave them responsible for the 13 year old tho. Perhaps the grandparents can look after the youngest for you?

Have a great time wherever you go!

This is my feelings tbh 19 and 16 together yup. Not 13. But I'm going from my experiences. Your 19 year old might be babysitter by night and sensible beyond years 😅.