Does anyone else not like using names much?

[Ditaditaddddita]

I don't know why but I feel quite embarrassed about this and wonder if it's normal.
I'll use their name if I have to, such as to gain their attention but I've never been the sort of person to say, Hi Sarah, how are you Sarah, etc .. even with my own parents and partner.
However I feel like people use my name all the time, every time they speak to me. Maybe as it's short?

Are you sure it does build up trust though? Some people clearly don't like it.

This reminds me of Sue Johnson in The Cockfields when she meets Diane Morgan
" Would you like some more Gala pie, Donna? Ray doesn't like olives, Donna. Do you want to sit in the garden, Donna?"

I never use names. I don't even use my dh name, or any pet name, I just talk.

I know it sounds daft but it just wastes time. You know your name, I know your name, even if I don't, I probably don't give enough of a shit or I'd ask, so let's just get on with it.

Where I live now, I've noticed they overuse names a lot. My in laws are from here and they have always done it.

For example, "yes Dan, I think that too. So when you went there, Dan, what do you do? Only asking, Dan, because when I went, Dan, it wasn't very good. Just wondering what you thought, Dan?"

At first, I just thought it was my SIL she's a bit thick (she calls me a racial slur, I can call her thick), it was like she was constantly reminding her brain who she was speaking too.

Then the rest of dh family did it, then a few years later we moved to the place he's from and christ, most people here do it.

It does my head in.

It all depends on context and delivery and why you are using their name. I think professional settings are completely different from social ones and from a therapeutic point of view it’s again a different set of circumstances. I’m not continually dropping their name, perhaps on arrival, during a session and at the end, but that would be normal practice for me. It’s often a sign of confidence from the person leading the meeting / situation.

I'm in Australia atm, and here it's the norm to use people's names. It takes a bit of getting used to, <Name>.

I find it insincere and when people do it to me, I find it calculating..a kind of salesmanship. I assume that they've been trained to do it, to make things personal.

And yep, I'd hate a therapist doing it.
My instant reaction is to trust people less if they use my name unnecessarily. I consider it a kind of pretence.

I’m a therapist and will use the persons name serveral times during a session to build rapport and trust.

That's manipulative, and explains exactly why I wouldn't trust you. You're using a technique, quite deliberately, to make me behave a certain way. And I'd think that you consider me stupid in that you think I'll fall for it.

My goodness, not at all. If I’m connecting with someone via zoom, or someone is knocking at my door for the first time, I will say their name “hello….?” to make sure I have the right person to begin with. It would be quite passive of me to open the door and not really address them.

A therapist doesn’t manipulate. It’s about building trust, and rapport - in a very comfortable setting. Probably a bit hard for me to explain on here because you don’t know me but I wouldn’t dream of making you feel like that.

It’s actually a leadership technique taught to managers. Apparently using someone’s name should make them feel valued… it’s actually quite a hard habit to break if you have to do it at work. The people you are talking to are probably just in middle management jobs.

Omg my ex used to do this! Hi John how are you? Is that right John etc etc. it used to give me the ick. He was looking him in the face. No other johns in the room. Why the constant need to iterate his bloody name?

He had self esteem issues and I think it made him feel like they were better acquaintances than they actually were.

I agree.

I haven't noticed it much in social situations, but the people who do it at work tend to be a) sales people looking to create a personal connection so I'll be more inclined to pass their details on to higher management or b) customers who are going to take up a lot of time and energy and be very demanding, I always take it as a sort of veiled threat when a customer repeatedly uses my name in any interactions as they're usually the 'name and shame' type in a review.

In that case, maybe you are not doing the thing that people are complaining about on here. Greeting someone by name is completely different.

Yes, I think I know what people mean on here. Salespeople using names can seem insincere and can give me the ick!

I use them when I say hello, but not generally within the conversation as some people do. I think it's a bit rude not to say their name when you greet someone.

Anyone trying to sell you something will often use your name a lot - they seem to think it makes them sound friendly/more trustworthy.

That should be enough to put anyone else off doing it!

Are you sure people find it builds rapport and trust? I find it creepy and it makes me suspicious!

I knew someone who completely overused my name. ‘How are you doing, Jane? I’m fine thanks, Jane. How’s the new job, Jane? I was in town the other day, Jane…’

I hated it, and could never put my finger on why. But I did find myself doing it back to her!

I can’t remember the last time I used my DP’s name to him. It’s usually one of a variety of pet names. And nobody Ever uses my name (apart from in business and even then I have a variety of nick names).

I have a problem abbreviating people's names if that is not how they were introduced to me. Also using silly nicknames unless I was in on them from the beginning.

I've only just recently called my MIL by her name to her face for the first time. I've known her for 26 years. Do I win?

I have found my people!!
I've never addressed anyone by their name, when I meet someone and can't put a name to a face instantly it eats me up inside until I remember it, and then I think to myself it makes no difference as my greeting would be 'Hi, how are you?' regardless!

I have absolutely no idea why I am the way I am. I have never even addressed my DH by name, although I have no problem with DC's

I'd love a psychologist to come on and tell me why this is!

Same here. It's been frustrating . I remember as a teenager getting caught out getting the wrong name and i I wanted to sink through the floor with shame.

I always feel someone overusing my name is being a bit insincere and it irks me. It particularly irked me when my daughter was at primary school and one of the loudest most extravert mums had misheard my name and so I was permanently misnamed by her and all the other mums followed suit, and after a year or so how can you say "actually my name is ..." without sounding like an insane person.

Overusing names is a bit weird, I agree. But what boils my piss far more is that my sister does this and CONTINUALLY calls me by her female partner’s name and I cannot fathom it. I never, ever call anyone by the wrong name, and definitely not a close family member. Absolutely infuriates me 😤

I tend to use names when greeting people and otherwise not really. I try and use it a little more when I don't know people very well, but that's for my benefit to try and stick some memories together with the person's name in them, as I'm quite bad at names. I do find doing that incredibly awkward though.

Oh God, I'm a "namer".

The weird thing is, I'm shit at remembering names.

So, I think I do it almost as a way to make them think there's no way I could forget their name, and I'm really on the ball.

Of course, this is a risky game, and there have been a number of name errors over the years :/

I really should stop, but I literally can't help myself!

It's especially bad in places like at the school gates. Presumably because I want to make a good impression.

It's interesting to see that most people don't like it, so I think I'll try consciously to stop now.