Does anyone else not like using names much?

[Ditaditaddddita]

I don't know why but I feel quite embarrassed about this and wonder if it's normal.
I'll use their name if I have to, such as to gain their attention but I've never been the sort of person to say, Hi Sarah, how are you Sarah, etc .. even with my own parents and partner.
However I feel like people use my name all the time, every time they speak to me. Maybe as it's short?

Yes, same. It's fine to greet someone, it's fine in a group conversation, to clarify who you're addressing. Otherwise it comes across as slightly insincere. I think it may be one of those techniques that people are taught to build rapport? Maybe it works better in other cultural contexts...

I've found my people! 😁😁

They could just be American. It's considered a good thing over there. They don't know about 'that's my name, don't wear it out'.

They'll even put it in the middle of letters eg. Dear John: and then three paragraphs down again 'John:'

But British people are a bit too much the other way in the sense that you'll be talking to someone for hours before even asking their name.

It's normal to use people names when talking about them or to get their attention. People who crowbar it multiple times into a conversation give me the creeps. Mainly because it's usually been men, that I haven't invited to call me by my first name anyway and it feels like they are so proud they've remembered it that they want to use it several times.
Although tbf I wonder it it is a taught thing to people in eg sales to use people's names deliberately so you sound like you know them? It doesn't work, it's unnatural sounding and weird.
And I don't mean NEVER use a name, if I was greeting someone in a group I might say 'oh hello mary' but you don't then follow it with using their name in every sentence.
Tbf i do

You mean you avoid 'I' and 'you' or do you mean more the 'is she the cat's mother thing?' i.e. if someone is present not referring to them as he/him she'/her.

I get what you mean, there's something awkward about it. But hearing other people say my name makes me cringe too 😄

Haha this is me. Been married 6 years and too scared to say my mother in laws name incase I say it wrong even though i obviously know it. Also feel awkward calling her mum as I have a mum so I just sort of wait til we are talking already to say anything 😂

I had a horrible boss once who always used to insert my name in to the conversation, it’s demeaning, as a teacher might talk to a child.

Totally agree - to the point that when I use my DH’s name, he thinks it sounds really weird and wrong 😂. He’s ‘hon’, ‘honey’, ‘honeybun’ or ‘moron’. Depending on how charitable I’m feeling.

Ahh I thought it was just me. In my family it goes even further, my mum won't even use our names to get our attention. If she can't catch your eye she'll make a noise like YOUHOO and then say the thing. Or broadcast to the room: "do people want to XYZ?" As a result I find it impossible to address her as "mum", I have to do the same! I only realised as a young adult that I should use people's names to get their attention😂
My DH from a southern European country where they fling names about all the time finds this HILARIOUS. Once I needed to ask his mum something who was upstairs and I was about to go up and he said, why not just ask up the stairs? And I said I can't just randomly ask up the stairs she won't know I'm talking to her. I was aghast at the idea of calling up her name! Thanks for starting this thread!

My MIL has the same name as my DD (from a previous relationship) so I know I can't get her name wrong but it feels extra weird to use her name because its my DD's name, so I do the same as you

I've never really thought about, but I only use people's names if I'm trying to get their attention, or if I'm referring to them in conversation.

I ask someone's name if it's relevant.

If I'm having a conversation with someone and they keep saying my name it almost feels aggressive to me.

I feel awkward about it too, OP. It feels like salesman mode, as a PP said. Or possibly over-familiar.

I'm loving this! So many PPs who dislike using people's names! You've found another MN glitch in the matrix, @Ditaditaddddita, to go with never answering the door 😂(and a few other things I can't remember atm).

Yes, it is creepy to use someone's name repetitively. I was taught to do this to help with remembering the name, but soon realised it made me sound like I'd been programmed by an oily salesman. I still wish people had floating name tags above their heads, though, like the avatars did in Second Life.

Yes and I know exactly why. When I was a teenager the 1930s self help book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' saw a random resurgence of popularity and one of the book's core 'rules' was:

Remember That A Person’s Name Is To That Person The Sweetest And Most Important Sound In Any Language

You could always tell the twats who'd read the book and lived by it (rather than, you know, being genuinely likeable...) by how frequently they used your name! It made me cringe then and still does now 😅

Many ancient religions believed people's names had special powers. You had to be careful how you used them.

Maybe half of MN belongs to a mystery cult 👀

In Finnish in writing they seem to use names a lot too. Someone at worked asked me to look over a letter of recommendation they had written in English, but in the Finnish way, with the man's name (also, it was only his surname, not even his first name) repeated so many times. I was horrified and made him change all the names to pronouns except for the very first use of the name!

Thank you for this! I am the same! I was with my husband for twenty years and we only ever called each other by the same nickname. If I had to say his actual name, it sounded SO weird. I always call a couple of my like-minded friends by both their first name and surname, as somehow, weirdly, it feels less embarrassing. They do it with me as well. It must run in my family, as my Dad used to call my Mum 'Paul'. Her name is actually Jill. I have no idea where 'Paul' came from but I never heard him call her Jill once.

Thanks for all these replies, it's helped. My ex used to think it was strange that I didn't say his name much. People had a variety of diminutives for his name and apparently his colleagues would ask him, what does she call you?! And he'd say, she doesn't call me anything.

I also thought I was the only one!

I hate my name being said as well. Most people I know call me by a shortened version of it so to hear my full name just makes me cringe.

I'm much more comfortable with nicknames and shortened names (with the person's blessing) so not quite sure why there's a difference 🤔

In a work context yes - I’m a therapist and will use the persons name serveral times during a session to build rapport and trust. Not at all really during social settings!

I've never ever called my PIL by their names in 11 years
Same here (except for longer!) I don't think I've ever called PIL by their names, and I live in fear of the day that I need to. It seems so wrong and impolite to try to get their attention by saying their name 😂 I never use DH's name either, always a nickname which I obviously subconsciously don't use in front of other people as MIL asked last year who [X] was and the DC were very confused she didn't know it was DH.
Using names feels unnatural!

Yes. This is what I find annoying but I don't think it's what everyone is talking about. It's this unnecessary use of the name mid conversation.