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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL calling DH during my C section asking him to order her a takeaway

110 replies

AshLeeKimb · 12/02/2025 19:59

As the title says - AIBU to think this is completely unacceptable? After a recent tricky end to pregnancy I was having a scheduled c section. Within an hour of the procedure MIL was calling DH asking him to order her a takeaway as she doesn't use apps on her phone. Unbeknownst to me he had done this, I only found out it had happened because shortly after when I was fresh out of surgery she called him back complaining that the items she received were incorrect. He hung up on her at that point as we're obviously not in a position to be thinking about that. It really makes me question how I feel about her as a whole and don't feel like I can forget it! AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Sapienza · 12/02/2025 22:33

CoolOtter · 12/02/2025 20:09

So are you saying, you were on the op table, tent was up, hubby was sat at your head, his phone rang and MIL asked him to order her a biryani, pilau rice and a barjee. Hubby lept on ubereats and placed the order? Or was he waiting somewhere in the hospital?

Like @CoolOtter, I would also love a blow-by-blow account.

Anonforthis58 · 12/02/2025 22:39

I mean, absolutely idiotic! But so was your dh! They’re both equally as bad as each other. Surely mil could just ring up the takeaway and order over the phone? 😵‍💫
I wonder if she knew you would have had the baby by that time, and she rang with congratulations, said she was going to order takeaway to celebrate?

OpheliaNightingale · 12/02/2025 23:06

@AshLeeKimb I can’t imagine being that self centred as to ask that of someone at that time. What on earth was she thinking?

AlienLanding · 12/02/2025 23:15

Congratulations on your baby. It's incredible, I'm not surprised it's taken some time to process, you kind of have to piece it all together. I got my medical notes to look but there are huge chunks that are over whelmed with moments.

FH and the Midwife both had marmite on toast in our small delivery room, so between contractions I threw them both outside to eat The smell!
My MIL was fine, just proved to be emotional stunted in the long term. So don't read too much in to it.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 13/02/2025 05:20

I think it's pretty funny and assuming it didn't cause you any issues at the time I wouldn't think much if it.

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 13/02/2025 05:30

greatvisuals · 12/02/2025 20:03

You're not supposed to have your phone on in the operating theatre.

My surgeon asked my partner if he wanted to take photos and video it which he did 😂. Coolest thing ever. Although took me a while to be able to watch it without feeling funny. The anaesthetist also played music on her phone for me when I got weirded out by the silence of the theatre. I'd be fucking livid at your mil but it is something you will have to let go to stop the bitterness. I'm sure she will do worse in the years ahead 😂

Guavafish1 · 13/02/2025 05:32

It’s between mother and son …. I think you should talk to your partner about it

GBooArt · 13/02/2025 05:46

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2025 20:31

Last time I checked, if you are capable of ringing your son to order a takeaway, you are still capable of ringing a restuarant to order a take away.

Restuarants still have telephone lines.

I would be pissed off and concerned that my MIL was that lacking in independence skills. She is a grown woman.

She needs to be able to use a phone or use an app herself.

Given you have just given birth, it is unlikely that she is that old and incapable of doing this herself.

And thats why I would be pissed off. The timing of this, is thoughtless, but isn't the issue ultimately. Your DH should not be enabling this. He should be asking questions about why she is failing to deal with her own basic life issues at such a young age.

To be fair you have no idea of her age.

Doloresparton · 13/02/2025 06:02

holycrumpet · 12/02/2025 22:19

the MIDWIVES asked your DH to go to maccies for them?!

Show quote history

Yes.
I was shocked too.

KezzaMucklowe · 13/02/2025 06:13

So was she at your house looking after another dc or was she somewhere else just asking because she doesn't like apps.
It does seem a bit odd especially if the latter.

MyDeftDuck · 13/02/2025 06:27

Yet another controlling MIL making every single 'life' event about her and another spineless wimp of a DH unable to cut the apron strings! FFS just WHY are some people so entitled and oblivious to others??
YANBU OP but please don't stress over it.......enjoy you new arrival.......have you say to DH and MIL when you are well and truly over the birth.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/02/2025 06:43

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 12/02/2025 21:16

@TheThreeMiracles Maybe you and the OP are unlucky?

I do detest posts that insult mothers-in-law. Most of us are hardworking, loving and helpful, normal people.

Surely then you'd agree that the bad ones should be called out as they are the ones giving other mothers-in-law a bad name?

Or are you saying that on forum mainly used by mums, posts criticising their MILs should be banned?

Destiny123 · 13/02/2025 06:56

Completelyjo · 12/02/2025 20:09

Says who? The anaesthetist took my DH’s phone during both of my sections to take photos and videos of us. DH has long videos of the babies getting checked too.
Literally every person I know has a photo as soon as the baby came out!

Show quote history

Think they mean for calls. Which many try during their section. It's 1 warning then leave. Most ban videos too tbh

MissHollysDolly · 13/02/2025 07:00

Your MIL is fine, how was she to know the exact time? Your DH is the massively u reasonable one for picking up the phone.

ChoppedChorizo · 13/02/2025 07:01

greatvisuals · 12/02/2025 20:03

You're not supposed to have your phone on in the operating theatre.

They let my DH take photos? The staff even took some.

ladycarlotta · 13/02/2025 08:07

greatvisuals · 12/02/2025 20:58

Well it's usual in our hospital Trust. Maybe they can't be arsed with safety in yours.

Categories of mobile phone areas across the Trust can be split into three;

Category 1 – Non-Clinical areas/low risk patient areas (e.g. clinic waiting areas, corridors, reception areas), where mobile phones can be used by staff, patients and visitors alike.

Category 2 – Clinical Patient areas (e.g. general wards, departments) where mobile phones can be used by staff, patients and visitors, but may be subject to local restrictions if their use is deemed to be affecting patient care, dignity or confidentiality.

Category 3 – Safety Critical Patient areas (e.g. Intensive Care, High care, and Theatres): Mobile phones must be switched off in these areas.

Show quote history

Just admit you don't know what you're talking about.

Multiple people here have told you they took their phones into their C section. Both times I was reminded continually by the staff that I should have it with me. We used DP's to play music off via the speakers in the theatre for that purpose, and second time round the anaesthetist used mine to take some amazing photos I'll always treasure but probably not show many people.

JMSA · 13/02/2025 08:12

Crazy behaviour!

gannett · 13/02/2025 08:16

I am a little confused at the timeline but regardless... how long do people think it takes to order a takeaway? It literally takes less than 3 minutes. Add to basket, add to basket, add to basket, checkout. OP wasn't even aware it was happening at the time. I have ordered a takeaway from a hospital when I was the one having the treatment. It doesn't remotely take away from anyone's "special day".

LAMPS1 · 13/02/2025 08:33

Did your MIL know exactly what was happening for her DS at those very moments ?
Did she know the baby was about to be born when she placed the order and did she know she had a new grand child when she phoned again to complain.

If so, I think you have decent material there for a wonderful and long lasting family story - something like how MIL was so determined to eat that the midwife thought you were going to name the baby Chop Suey.
Congratulations to you both. I hope your recovery is going well.

Isittimeformynapyet · 13/02/2025 09:19

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 12/02/2025 21:16

@TheThreeMiracles Maybe you and the OP are unlucky?

I do detest posts that insult mothers-in-law. Most of us are hardworking, loving and helpful, normal people.

This is the first time I have ever seen the plural of mother in law written correctly on MN 🧡

thepariscrimefiles · 13/02/2025 11:29

gannett · 13/02/2025 08:16

I am a little confused at the timeline but regardless... how long do people think it takes to order a takeaway? It literally takes less than 3 minutes. Add to basket, add to basket, add to basket, checkout. OP wasn't even aware it was happening at the time. I have ordered a takeaway from a hospital when I was the one having the treatment. It doesn't remotely take away from anyone's "special day".

If it's so flipping simple, why on earth hasn't she learned to do it herself? She had no idea what was going on at the hospital and surely ordering a take away isn't so urgent that you would demand your son's attention while he is with his wife who is delivering their baby. And to then call back to complain about the quality of the food adds insult to injury. She sounds extremely self-absorbed.

Khayker · 13/02/2025 17:57

My MIL did something similar when I was in hospital after having my first by c section. I think I felt robbed by the fuss she caused over something simple when it should have been a special time for the three of us. I think I feel robbed of those moments.

TheVeryAudacity · 13/02/2025 18:08

Sounds like the kind of bizarre power play my ostensibly nice, innocent, defenceless old lady MIL would pull, and sadly my DH would also likely jump to her bidding without really thinking about it.

Take the time we went to pick her up for a family meal out (in a restaurant I'd suggested), everyone invited in for a drink quickly before we set off to find she'd laid on a massive spread of food like it was Christmas Day. Restaurant cancelled obviously. Bonkers Confused

Congratulations on your lovely squishy new baby OP. Best of luck with the MIL going forwards.

Easipeelerie · 13/02/2025 18:10

Did she know you were in labour?

TheVeryAudacity · 13/02/2025 18:19

@CoolOtter @Sapienza In the absence of the OP, I read it that she called with the order within an hour BEFORE the planned c-section, and then called back after the op to complain about the food.

Assuming she knew what time the op was planned for then it's a pretty thoughtless and rude thing to make the first call. If she didn't then maybe fair enough, but surely the DH would have told her, which makes the second call wildly inappropriate.

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