MIL calling DH during my C section asking him to order her a takeaway

[AshLeeKimb]

As the title says - AIBU to think this is completely unacceptable? After a recent tricky end to pregnancy I was having a scheduled c section. Within an hour of the procedure MIL was calling DH asking him to order her a takeaway as she doesn't use apps on her phone. Unbeknownst to me he had done this, I only found out it had happened because shortly after when I was fresh out of surgery she called him back complaining that the items she received were incorrect. He hung up on her at that point as we're obviously not in a position to be thinking about that. It really makes me question how I feel about her as a whole and don't feel like I can forget it! AIBU to be annoyed?

I think it was a bit cheeky of her . No way in hell I’d have done that .

<Stares at OP>

WTF have I just read?!

Unless he ordered a cake with “fuck you” written in icing he’s an idiot for agreeing. She’s positively batshit. Couldn’t bear the attention being on someone else for 5 minutes I guess

@TheThreeMiracles Maybe you and the OP are unlucky?

I do detest posts that insult mothers-in-law. Most of us are hardworking, loving and helpful, normal people.

Honestly I would be more pissed off with dh for agreeing and ordering it tbh!! What a moron.

I'm sure most MIL are lovely like you, but obviously there are some who are far from pleasant and a few totally batshit!

Why on earth do you feel guilty by association?
I'm sure you agree not all DIL or SIL are lovely don't you? Should nice ones object to posts criticising the nasty ones?

Drop the paranoia!

Not quite a take away order but my mum has form for over stepping and not respecting boundaries etc. I had messaged our family chat (me, sister, brothers, mum and dad) to say they would be delivering baby. It was expected but sudden, I had been in hospital 4 weeks by this point, things changed and baby had to be delivered extremely premature etc. I said I would update when I could but I wouldn’t have my phone etc so don’t call. I had 17 missed calls within 3 minutes of that message from my mum 🤬 midwife put my phone onto dnd but as she called twice within seconds they started ringing through again. Ended up putting my phone onto airplane mode so we could at least get some undisturbed time and photos/videos of baby which we knew would be minimal. My birthing partner turned their phone off as she then started calling them…

It wasn’t that she was scared or worried before anyone thinks that, she just has form for trying to be front and centre amidst any tragedy going on.

You should be annoyed with your dh. Does his phone not have an off switch?

At the risk of disagreeing with most people, MIL's behaviour is a huge red flag. She knew exactly what she was doing, and wanted to focus her son's attention on herself instead of the new mother and baby. Another one who should have married her son and got it over with.

This.

So as the old saying goes if you have a prblem with it you have a partner problem not a MIL but how long would it have taken? if you didnt know then no idea why it matters now

Ha. Every time I see our fucking potato peeler I think of my DD’s birth - name/weight/photo - Mum: oh lovely! Do you have a Lancashire potato peeler??

(She was at my house looking after the other kids. But literally, who cares mother!!) I don’t even know what a Lancashire peeler is.

YANBU OP! In fact you sound entirely reasonable considering you’ve said you love MIL and wouldn’t say anything anyway. Congrats on your baby!

Had mine on both times and was able to get lots of gruesome pictures with it.

I'd ignore it. MiL is me-centred. Maybe she did not realise the C-section was happening? Quite possible she forgot - or remembered but assumed her DS had nothing to do but hang around?
DH should practice what my DS says occasionally to me: 'mum, I'm sorry but I am busy just now'. At which point I say, oh, sorry, and hang up (unless it's a dire emergency which it once was, to my DD, who then hung up what she was doing).

It's a little unclear, but my understanding of the post is that MiL phoned in the hour before surgery. Then DH put the order in for her either via app or phone. OP didn't notice. None of it actually happened during the surgery itself. It wasn't until afterwards when MiL rang back OP found out.

The ringing back afterwards is a bit iffy, but before? Especially if he put the order in via app. Hell I would have helped if I'd known. Anything to take my mind off the impending surgery.

As for not having phones on in theatres? Tell that to every single consultant, reg, SHO, midwife, nurse, ODP, student, and other staff. Using them (except to play music if requested) is obviously a no-no. Very unprofessional. But no-one actually turns them off. Medical equipment and mobile phones have come a long way and signals no longer interfere.

And ofc, taking photos of the new addition to our patient's family is actively encouraged during a C-section. Including during emergencies. Hell I've even taken photos of the baby during GAs. Just because the patient is asleep and the birth partner not in the room doesn't mean they have to entirely miss out on all the first moments of their baby we'd usually do in theatre.

@Challenger2A7 you've got it spot on!!

Unless you have an older child, who she was caring for and needed to provide food - it's crazy that he was looking at his phone to answer her.

When I went into hospital with contractions at 4.30 pm the mw’s said I wasn’t in labour and to walk around and they’d send me home at 9pm.
The mw’s then asked dh if he would pop to the nearby McDonalds for them.
He said no, he wouldn’t leave me.
Just as well because dd was born at 7.45 pm.

It does sound like she is a bit bonkers, but that is up to her son to manage.

I'm a MIL, and I would never think to intrude on a birth day. The only reason I would ever text would be to get an update if the labour was running really late. And that would be to check on everyone, certainly not to order food! She does sound selfish.

It really makes me question how I feel about her as a whole and don't feel like I can forget it!

It’s obviously incredibly selfish of her to ask your DH to order her a take away if she knew you were both at the hospital for a C section but what about your DH? You surely mention him. He didn’t have to take the call and he didn’t have to order anything

DH was the issue here, not MIL.

My husband had his phone on in the operating theatre for both my EMCS

the MIDWIVES asked your DH to go to maccies for them?!

Unbelievable that he answered and did it.
You know that is not normal.

Was he ordering a takeaway as well?

Does anyone know what a Lancashire potato peeler is?

Maybe your MIL didn't know you were in the actual theatre at that time OP and she was craving a Chinese? Clutching at straws here!

Bonkers behaviour if she did know but more fool your dh for answering!

Why is he telling you this now btw?