School won’t/can’t do anything about SEN child causing distress

[Rantypanties]

I had a phone call from my child’s primary school stating that the SEN child in their class touched them & another child ‘over their clothes in their private area’. This is the 3rd incident of this nature happen in the class (first 2 were ‘tickling in that area’) and the 4th time something serious has happened that has involved him being sent home. It’s never witnessed by the teachers or his 121 assistant (but bullying at the school never seems to be so it’s not just this child).

The child is a lot taller and bigger than the children and although they’ve grown up with him for the past 3 years and they’ve all muddled along with no problems, there are now occasions where children have been scared of him chasing them/hitting out and shouting in class.

He has got a place at a local SEN school but apparently the LA won’t fund the transport for the 26 mile round trip so he can’t go according to his mum (they can’t afford the petrol and the dad’s banned from driving).

So my question is what can we do with a reluctant school? Can we, as parents, put the pressure on the LA to get his transport fully funded so this child can get the best out of his schooling and move to a school more suited to his needs. The school are keen to downplay the incident and I’ve seen the child is back in school today so I’m not sure what lesson has been learnt here, but they obviously cannot cope if he’s being left long enough to touch other children inappropriately and scare children into not wanting to play outside because he’s out there.

Just looking for advice because it seems to me this is escalating and something needs to be done for the safety of all of children in the class.

I think it's a bit about taking responsibility for our own children. Someone commented further up that SEN don't answer the phone or respond to emails. So, what? You throw up your our hands and do nothing??
You don't give up and continue sending your child somewhere to continue sexually abusing other children. Tbh I would keep my son at home if I thought he was touching other children inappropriately, and causing trauma to others.

If it were my child experiencing this and the parents weren't doing everything they possibly could be doing, and were continuing to send him to school knowing full well he was sexually assaulting others, I would be taking it up with the mother. And she'd better run 🏃‍♀️ and hide 😂

Do you have a child/children with severe disabilities?

I have a child who has been negativity affected by a child who has SEN. Just like the OP and many others on here, which is why I've commented. In my case, the mother was useless and ineffectual.

Well it’s quite obvious the LA need to provide transport to the specialist school.

However, consider the LA is pretty much bankrupt and is having to make trade off decisions of whether to hire social workers to protect children being abused in their home or bed blocking elderly people needing extensive care at home etc. Where would you allocate budget? That’s happening nationally.

Consider that until this is resolved by the LA the school is in a no-win situation. They can’t deny an education but are unable to protect everyone. What do you suggest they do? This is happening in the vast majority of schools across the country every day.

Consider outside this situation there is a broader issue of SEN students with and without EHCPs who are in mainstream stream and a risk to other students, because the reality as I’ve observed it is inclusivity isn’t actually the better solution for everyone. Some will thrive but the idea a mainstream school can meet the needs of all learners that are so VAST it’s unbelievable.

I sat in a primary school class of about 20. 2 were recent refugees with no English. Several others are English as a second language. Multiple SEN needs included 2 EHCPs, this group were at times with at a separate table. 1 with significant behaviour problems walking in and out of class. A couple of really high achievers as well. How do you think that maths lesson went to 10 years olds with 1 teacher and 1 TA?

Hence. This is a government funding and policy issue.

Wow I am actually lost for words that you have criticised parents of severely disabled children for utilising or needing support services in order to get through life. How on earth do you know how you would cope in that situation?

So, parents of children with SEN can't be criticised?? Seriously? The parent I'm referring to is useless. Should I not say that because her son has SEN?

No I was on about your previous comment about families relying on the relevant supportive services.

Yes lots of families with severely disabled children do need this support and relevant authorities to get through life. How the heck can you judge that being somebody who has no idea how they would cope in that situation?

It was me that made that comment and SEND parents take enough shit without throwing fines and prosecution for non attendance into the mix.

The simple fact is that it isn't the parents' responsibility. Why do you think it shouldn't be the local authority's? It's clearly set out in the Education Act 1996. How do you know they aren't already phoning SEN every day?

It's all very well saying they must just find the money. How easy would you find it to pay for 260 miles a week, every week, particularly if your job is in danger because you have to spend 3 hours a day driving your child to and from school? It's not just petrol, it's significant wear and tear on the car.

Parents who have never been in this position and likely never will be find it SO easy to condemn the parents of disabled children from their relatively privileged position. Try opening your mind a bit.

Surely none of that is available in a mainstream classroom?
Hence the allocated provision.

But there is no need for that if both the current school and the LA simply do their jobs. If the parents were just to take the child out of school, they would be breaking the law.

FFS. So we're going to say that disabled children just aren't worth educating, are we? How about going back to the bad old days of sticking them in institutions where they do nothing all day but stare at the walls?

Since when was education limited to academic education?

Parents who have never been in this position and likely never will be find it SO easy to condemn the parents of disabled children from their relatively privileged position. Try opening your mind a bit.

This! It’s so so very easy for those who have NO CLUE or experience to say how well they’d cope and how families with severely disabled children are weak and lazy for needing support 🙄 I’m actually gobsmacked by some of the views expressed here in 2025.

But these parents in this particular scenario do not appear to be doing everything they can.

The father is driving without a licence and uninsured - putting others at risk.

A boy needs his father to show him how to be a man, and it sounds like this boy will need more support and guidance than the average boy, given his disabilities. The father is not setting a good example here.

Both parents are allowing the child to watch tv, play computer games that are not age appropriate. God only knows why they would think that was a good idea given the problems the boy has got.

Do these parents sound responsible?

No

If their son's behaviour doesn't affect any other children, is it really anyone else's business how they parent?

No

If their son's behaviour is affecting other children negativity, does that become other people's business?

Yes

Do these parents deserve to be criticised given the horrific behaviour their son is displaying coupled with their poor parenting?

All day long (& twice on a Sunday)

No, that is absolutely not what I said.
The child has been allocated a place at a suitable setting. Stop inventing things to have an argument about.

Do you think that having sen justifies other kids being repeatedly sexually assaulted? Because you sure sound like you do.

This. The bottom line seems to be disabled children don’t need educating and their parents shouldn’t ask for any support. I can bet these are the sort of people against DLA and any type of financial aid as well. Disabled children and their parents must be punished for existing.

Lovely. You would assault the mother for the crime of having a disabled child and complying with the law by sending him to school. I do hope you're proud of yourself.

He has been allocated a place at place that is suited to his needs.
What are you not getting?

No. I was responding to the posters comment criticising parents of severely disabled children for needing help from supportive services.

In the case of this child the obvious solution would be funded transport to the school. That way the problem is solved and nobody is getting assaulted at school.

Sure it's a funding issue, but if you are seriously going to condone the local authority breaking the law in order to save money, you condone anarchy. And if are going to let the LA off the hook, I don't understand why you are asking others what the school should do; it's you who is apparently happy to dump the problem onto them.

Except there is no transport to actually get him there. The solution is LA providing transport as they do for many Sen kids (hate to break that to you :( ) or better yet if a nearby SEN school existed.

The problem is no nearby school and no funded transport to a further school. That is the issue. That is the problem.The eagerness here to blame the severely disabled child and his parents is grim.

Don’t misquote me when I clearly stated it is the LA issue.

I am highlighting half the reason they do this is lack of funding, because it’s equally against the law to not enforce child protection escalations from having no social workers, for example.

Not sure if you know what a rhetorical question is when I clearly stated the school is in a no-win situation. They have to keep the child in school - legally - and have to try to keep everyone else safe - legally. Evidently they are failing because they can’t do both.

It’s not difficult to understand.

What OP has said about their home life involves a fair amount of speculation which you are choosing to take as gospel truth. If the parents were absolutely model parents in your book, it's unlikely to change the situation. They still wouldn't be able to drive their child to and from a school 13 miles away because it just isn't compatible with working and keeping a roof over the family's head.

You really have no idea whether the child's behaviour is due to parenting or his learning difficulties. Some learning disabled children simply are disinhibited and have very little idea of social rules, regardless of the example set at home.

It must be lovely feeling able to feel so smug that you can make these judgments about people you have never met and know very little about, particularly when you choose to close your mind to the reality of parenting a seriously disabled child..

I actually said if the parent wasn't doing everything they could to try and resolve the situation. From what OP has said they're not. Yes, I'm very proud of myself 😄