To not understand why family want my LO to stay

[Godsplan21]

My LO is 14months and a much waited for IVF baby. I am loving motherhood and am not at the stage whereI feel like I need a break. Since about 4 months, certain family members keep asking when LO will stay over at there’s. I don’t have any overnight events im planning on going to and don’t want LO to stay out just because (LO cosleeps and I just enjoy being with them), yet certain people are always insisting. I don’t understand why people are desperate to have LO overnight without me and if anything it puts me off more. I can certainly understand them wanting to spend time with LO but why overnight when they will be sleeping anyway?!

It's because they will get more time with the baby and get to do cuddles/care that you'd normally do, such as morning wake up cuddles. There is nothing sinister, they just don't have their own small child and as you know it is such an enjoyable experience.
Obviously you don't have to allow it but I can completely understand why they are keen.

Don't mothers breast feed where you're from? In the UK, the recommendation is breast feeding until the child is 2 years old. Most mums stop breast feeding earlier than that, but lots are still feeding over the age of 12 months, mostly at night.

I reckon it’s because they went the baby to themselves with no parental “interference”. So they can spoil the kid without a parent asking them not to load them up with sugar, or keep them up late without the parent preferring to keep the sleep routine going.
Or the other way round. My ILs were very keen to have my dc and show me how well they could parent / potty train / instil good manners (they had no need of this training, I am hot on manners etc, ILs just thought their authoritarian approach was better).

Because they love her. I used to love have bf my nieces and nephews to stay whenthey were little. You don't have to say yes, but don't create a narrative that it's somehow unusual or sinister.

No. It is weird.

I like to think the best of others, so hopefully there's nothing odd going on. Have you told him very directly to stop asking and it isn't going to happen?

This.

I was a grandchild who was sent to sleepover at my mentally ill grandmother's house, because she begged to have my sister and I over. It didn't go well. I had a friend in grade school who was molested by her grandmothers' boyfriend (who was the one begging for friend to visit) during sleepovers.

Sometimes there are problems, with or without malicious intent. I am glad you are a good and kind grandparent. Some of us are not so fortunate as your grandson.

You know your child and what you and they are comfortable with. Don't let yourself be nagged into things you're not ready for. It's unkind of your family members to keep asking this way.

I have no idea why people are so desperate to have babies/toddlers stay overnight. They are a huge pain in the arse (babies and toddlers that is!). Sorry.

You should try and figure out why you dont want it. My kids have been staying over night regularly with grandparents, godparents, their aunts and uncles. They love it and theyve always had an amazing time. Your LO is still quite young, but it does help to bond. My niece is 3 now and she stays over night with me every 2 weeks. Been doing it since she was around 6 months. This time we have her here is very special to me, my kids to my niece and to my sister who gets date night with her husband 😄

Yes, but I have fond memories of a wonderful overnight stay with my husband whilst my brother babysat for our 14m old. Luckily ours slept through the night so it’s not like I was missing out on quality time. The memories I had as a child were built up from 14m, I was so comfortable around my family, just like our children are around our family.

You are allowed things for you as well, the OP says she doesn’t and that’s fine, but it’s not a crime to want a swanky meal out whilst you child is sleeping and being well looked after.

I understand where you are coming from but we had to take dgc at just six weeks old as my Dil became very unwell and spent three weeks in hospital. DS needed to spend time with DIL and had to work as well, so dgc came here with ds visiting daily. Once Dil was home, dgc obviywent home but still needed to be cared for as Dil was unable to do much until she was recovered. Then, she had to have an operation, so once again, we had dgc here. Over the years, there have been several times when it was necessary for us to have dgc here overnight, not least when Dil was in hospital whilst pregnant again. Because dgc is so used to staying with us, they see it as a treat and they don't get upset when ds or Dil drops them off.
So, whilst I completely understand your feelings, I can also see that it could e useful if your lo is used to sleeping at theirs.

This

I answer with ‘when DD asks to stay over’.

I also say ‘what’s the point as she’ll only cry and associate you with bad memories’.

With one family member we stay over their house and then text them when DD is awake. That way they get their quality time and we get a lay in 😁

You wouldn't want your child around him?? Protect your child??? Jesus..... 🤯🤯🤯

This. Do as you please and just don't bow to pressure.

If you do it diplomatically, no one can take offence really.