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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why family want my LO to stay

92 replies

Godsplan21 · 12/02/2025 11:07

My LO is 14months and a much waited for IVF baby. I am loving motherhood and am not at the stage whereI feel like I need a break. Since about 4 months, certain family members keep asking when LO will stay over at there’s. I don’t have any overnight events im planning on going to and don’t want LO to stay out just because (LO cosleeps and I just enjoy being with them), yet certain people are always insisting. I don’t understand why people are desperate to have LO overnight without me and if anything it puts me off more. I can certainly understand them wanting to spend time with LO but why overnight when they will be sleeping anyway?!

OP posts:
MamaBear2210T · 12/02/2025 11:09

Fellow IVF mama here and my DS is 2.5 and we've never left him overnight and only about 4/5 days nights.

Bodybutterblusher · 12/02/2025 11:11

I don't know why you would if you didn't need to. I would just say that you would prefer your child enjoys time with whoever it is during the day as they like to have a consistent sleep routine.

HaPPy8 · 12/02/2025 11:11

You aren’t unreasonable to not want them to go but these people likely just love your child and think it would be nice to have them over. It’s not so hard to understand. One day you might be grateful of that.

BallerinaRadio · 12/02/2025 11:11

Get them to write you an IOU you can cash in in a couple of years 😂

Pottedpalm · 12/02/2025 11:13

Certain people? Your Mother in Law?

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 12/02/2025 11:15

Just laugh and say are they joking when you waited so long for your dc.. Ds was in primary school before he slept out. Actually he was about 6!! Absolutely no need to pacify the needs of a grown up over the need for your dc to be home in their own bed with it's dps.... Sleepovers aren't necessary for a small dc... And if it isn't necessary for you to have a break then no need whatsoever..

GoldenNuggets08 · 12/02/2025 11:16

I don’t understand why people are desperate to have LO overnight without me

Because they love your child / their family member. In theory yes you could stay too but I think people see it as fun, treating the child, spoiling a bit, when they have a sleepover at a family members house. YANBU if you don't want it to happen but YABU if you can't see that it's just because they love your child. (And I am well jealous that at 14 months you haven't felt like you need a break yet 😅)

Estampie · 12/02/2025 11:16

Well, but you don't have to understand it, surely? Just say 'No, not just yet' or 'We don't need overnight childcare' and carry on. It's irrelevant why they want it if it doesn't work for you.

BreezyScroller · 12/02/2025 11:17

Be grateful you have a back-up if you need one, and just say thank you, maybe in a few years.

5foot5 · 12/02/2025 11:20

Perhaps they think they are doing a nice thing in trying to give you a break every now and then. You say you don't need one but some people would be grateful for that. How does your DH/DP feel about it? Maybe he would appreciate you both having a night just the two of you.

Original poster
Godsplan21 · 12/02/2025 11:22

I am extremely grateful that LO is surrounded by such love and don’t have an issue per se of her sleeping over, when the time arises. I guess I just find it odd that people really want LO to stay just because. I have quite a few nieces and nephews that I adore however (before I had LO), I would have gladly had them overnight if asked but it wouldn’t have crossed my mind to keep asking for them overnight

OP posts:
MissUltraViolet · 12/02/2025 11:23

Because they love LO and want to spend some time with them? Because in future it might be beneficial to both you and LO that you both have family members you feel comfortable leaving them with and they feel comfortable staying with?

I think 14 months is too soon and understand why you’re not yet ready but I don’t think there’s anything wrong or weird about it, if that’s what you’re insinuating?

I’m years off being a grandparent but already know I’d love to have any grandchildren I am ever blessed with stay with me at any point, for any reason!

Original poster
Godsplan21 · 12/02/2025 11:24

5foot5 · 12/02/2025 11:20

Perhaps they think they are doing a nice thing in trying to give you a break every now and then. You say you don't need one but some people would be grateful for that. How does your DH/DP feel about it? Maybe he would appreciate you both having a night just the two of you.

He is less interested in it then me lol. He works long hours and cherishes every minute he gets with LO. We waited a long (hard) time to be parents

OP posts:
Irvinesv · 12/02/2025 11:27

I always find it weird when family are so keen to have DC without their parents especially when it’s your own family as why don’t they want you there too….

BreezyScroller · 12/02/2025 11:29

It's a power thing. When some family members genuinely offer help, because they remember how much they struggle if nothing else, it's nice.

Sadly others wants to push their importance in a kids life and make it all about them. It's usually the same ones who expect "cuddles with the baby:" from birth

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 12/02/2025 11:29

Don't do it until your ready, she is your baby not theirs.
Just ignore them when they mention it.
Mine didn't sleep over until she was 2, she didn't need to and thankfully no one pressured, just said the offer was always there when we needed it.

Original poster
Godsplan21 · 12/02/2025 11:30

Irvinesv · 12/02/2025 11:27

I always find it weird when family are so keen to have DC without their parents especially when it’s your own family as why don’t they want you there too….

This is it. I know they love LO which is great and I appreciate that I have the support. Its just the insistence that I find odd. Why cant you bond and enjoy her during the day and/or with me present

OP posts:
LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 12/02/2025 11:31

I'm a grandma to two wee boys. I never asked for them when they were very little to stay overnight. It wasn't my call. My daughter did ask me to have dgs1 when he was less than a year old and I was happy to oblige. Now they are a bit older, I have both boys for sleepovers, one at a time - I'm not mad! However the other grandparents asked from when the boys were tiny and got short shrift for continually asking. If they keep asking, could you just say, stop asking. We'll let you know when we are happy for sleepovers.

jolota · 12/02/2025 11:31

I don't understand it either. I find it weird and overbearing.
When my child is ready for overnights I'll offer it, stop asking/insisting it's necessary for my mental wellbeing!
Different if people offer and then leave it at that but some people keep pushing.
My LO coslept for ages and I said to my parents, well you want her overnight, are you going to cosleep with her? Nope, they want to leave her in a bed on her own in a room on the other side of the house. Which fair enough, but my LO isn't ready for that sleep set up yet. When she is we can reassess.
Most of it I feel like is actually a judgement on cosleeping & how they believe we should have sleep trained and they probably think by taking her overnight they could do that for us to 'help' us.

Original poster
Godsplan21 · 12/02/2025 11:32

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 12/02/2025 11:29

Don't do it until your ready, she is your baby not theirs.
Just ignore them when they mention it.
Mine didn't sleep over until she was 2, she didn't need to and thankfully no one pressured, just said the offer was always there when we needed it.

See I get this, an offer for if and when you need it. But when someone is constantly asking when LO can stay? Its a bit different

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 12/02/2025 11:35

She or he (I presume you only have one baby), is a bit young to be staying over just yet. Later on when less dependent on you, not co-sleeping, it might be nice sometimes.

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 12/02/2025 11:35

Yeah they need to leave it alone, it's not fair on you to have to keep dealing with this. Hope they back off OP

Original poster
Godsplan21 · 12/02/2025 11:39

jolota · 12/02/2025 11:31

I don't understand it either. I find it weird and overbearing.
When my child is ready for overnights I'll offer it, stop asking/insisting it's necessary for my mental wellbeing!
Different if people offer and then leave it at that but some people keep pushing.
My LO coslept for ages and I said to my parents, well you want her overnight, are you going to cosleep with her? Nope, they want to leave her in a bed on her own in a room on the other side of the house. Which fair enough, but my LO isn't ready for that sleep set up yet. When she is we can reassess.
Most of it I feel like is actually a judgement on cosleeping & how they believe we should have sleep trained and they probably think by taking her overnight they could do that for us to 'help' us.

Exactly. In other situations you wouldn’t keep insisting someone utilises your support for their MH. “Let me buy you a pair of orthopedic shes” “thats ok, I dont have issues with my feet and my shoes are fine thanks” “no I insist, let me buy you some” “but why? My feet are fine?” “You must need orthopedic shoes by now?!” “Well no actually, I like my current shoes” “ well these shoes will be better for you!” 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Godsplan21 · 12/02/2025 11:39

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 12/02/2025 11:35

Yeah they need to leave it alone, it's not fair on you to have to keep dealing with this. Hope they back off OP

Thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Godsplan21 · 12/02/2025 11:41

LBFseBrom · 12/02/2025 11:35

She or he (I presume you only have one baby), is a bit young to be staying over just yet. Later on when less dependent on you, not co-sleeping, it might be nice sometimes.

We have another but there is a big gap of 12 years. Which is another reason as I have first hand experience how quick these little years go 😢

OP posts: