To not give her a lift?

[DreamingOfHotPotatoes]

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

Sorry if my previous message was unclear. I am not able to do lifts after class.

It’s not rude to clearly say no, I can’t help. Your mistake was to offer an excuse in the first place. She is rude for not asking you originally, and for still insisting you do it now.

If possible contact her directly, as well as in the group and say ( no apologies)that you cannot do this, and that she’ll need to make other arrangements. Be polite but firm. If she or others come back just reply once to say not possible again. She is a CF so assume she might still try and dump them. Don’t take them, leave a bit earlier if you are stressing about it. Repeat its not your problem, and don’t make excuses!

Stop messaging in the group chat and call the mum.

This is perfect but remove the 'after class' as it leaves it open for lifts to class.

Reply directly to the mum who wants the lift.

Ignore everyone else.

I wouldn't get into discussions CF parents have a way to exclude your own DC. Keeping others out of it is the best way forward.

With an attitude like this, can you imagine if the kid got injured whilst in your care? She would have you in court PDQ.

You make it absolutely clear to the mother that you're not going to be giving lifts anymore.

If she doesn't bother to come to collect her child, the organisers of the activity will need to keep the child behind and phone her to come and collect.

It's not your problem if you've made it clear.

Your child is the priority.

Car time is, in my opinion, some of the most precious. It seems to be when kids open up the most, mostly because they don't have to make eye contact. I feel that this is even more important with an autistic child. Any situation where they feel fully relaxed has to be sacred.

This mother is taking the mick, and the only way she will understand is if her child is left standing there waiting.

She’s a CF and the group chat mothers with their village stuff are just as bad.
Your car, your child, your choice.
Clearly a mother who doesn’t give a toss.
Do not give in.

Just state in your next text - Just to advise I will cannot give your child lifts home from activity. I will not be doing so. You will have to make other arrangements.

Don’t give an excuse, and block. Her child is not your problem. Unfortunately rudeness and CFery doesn’t warrant anything more than a direct NO. It’s not rudeness to say no. It was rudeness to assume.

I would still contact the organisers and make sure they understand that you have no shared responsibility for this child, no agreement to take her home etc. They then will not be allowed to hand the child into your care under safeguarding rules.

Don’t involve any others, just explain to the mum that you can’t anymore and the reason why. Or go another way home…….

Wow the cheek of these people. I wouldn't even respond any further, you've said no and that's it.

I would message back explaining what exactly her child did to yours and explain that leaving her child alone without a lift home and without asking you could be considered neglect and I would also mention there was only a lodger there when you dropped the child off

I think you need to be honest...

I would send something like

"Had you asked I may have considered helping, but given you haven't at any point discussed this with me and just decided this what is happening I amnreturning the favour and deciding it will not. You will need to collect your child."

She has been massively entitled. If the other parents think they would act differently then let them take the child home.

Oh for goodness sake, use your brain. Seriously. What's the most logical explanation? The child was kicking the OPs seat which is only possible from sitting in the back therefore how could he possibly be sitting in the front. This is like cancel the bloody cheque.

Just reply 'I won't be offering any more lifts'.

Then mute.

This is all absolute bollocks

I can’t get over the cheek of some people. As if after a day of working, driving your child to and from a club 30 mins away you would be happy to take a random child on a food shop. I would be mortified for suggesting this. Some people just really take the piss.

Perfect!! Then disengage from any further chat on the matter and refuse to take the child again. Especially as it sounds given the child’s behaviour, kicking your seat the whole way home - this makes for a dangerous journey where you’re unable to fully concentrate.

Just say on the group chat
'hi mum of child, sorry if you assumed it was ok for me to take child home from this activity last week, but unfortunately it isn't going to work for me so last week was a one off'.

You don't need to give a reason, but if pressed just say you call in somewhere else on the way home and don't go directly past her house.

I'm thinking that too now. OP has disappeared.

This would piss me off so much wow. The absolute cheek of it plus it doesn’t help to have the other parents chiming in like you’re the unreasonable one. Stand firm

Write back, this.
I am so pleased to see several parents stepping up to offer lifts.
Once again I would like to confirm under no circumstances will I be the person responsible for transporting X home.

Cheeky or what! I’d certainly be firm to her reply so she gets the message.

'Don't apologise and don't explain.' Best motto ever from someone very posh I used to work with.