To not give her a lift?

[DreamingOfHotPotatoes]

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

Don't add information or excuses it just gives her more room to pressure you into saying yes.

Reply. That doesn't work for me. I cannot give your child a lift home.

By offering excuses and solutions, you’re embroiling yourself in a situation that has nothing to do with you.
Don’t excuse or elaborate.
Just a simple no, and walk away.
They will kick off. Let them.
Read or listen to The Let them Theory by Mel Robbins, life changing.

The amount of people who think this is a gotcha is weird.

This is really good

I wouldn’t have brought her home the first time. It’s incredibly entitled and irresponsible of her. Just ignore and leave her there and let the organisers deal with mum.

Message the mother directly. Just say you won't be giving any lifts in the future - don't make any excuses as there is not need to explain your reasoning. You have absolutely no responsibility for her child. Phrase it politely but firmly.

Say your insurance does cover passengers.

WTF?! You don't have to justify or explain yourself to any of these people. Just say you aren't doing, personally l would mention the rude way you were informed you were doing it and bratty behaviour of the child. Other mums can give them a lift home if they are that bothered

Please never take the word of an 10/11 year old that you have permission from their parent to do anything.
What if the OP had not been there that evening?
What if the parent had turned up five mins later and her child was gone?

Anyone who runs a club would know this is a safeguarding risk and any decent activity leader would not allow this to happen without speaking to parent.

Obviously now it appears that OP does have permission, so it's up to her what she does next.

Does NOT cover passengers.

This! And stand firm.

If the mother is not there to pick the child up, the child will have to stay with the leaders until they do.

it’s not your problem to resolve.

There’s no silver bullet with this one it’s just going to have to be a direct no

I wouldn't have given a reason.

Something like "Hi folks - I am unable to provide lifts either to or from X activity. Please don't ask as the answer will be no, I can't."

By saying that you do your shopping someone may come back and say "Sure Adam doesn't mind a bit of shopping of a Tuesday evening. Thanks for taking him" or some such nonsense.

Don't give them more information than you have to, and I think you've given them more information than you had to or needed to.

This.
And I cannot understand why the organisers are allowing random parents (no offence intended OP) to take just any child!!! The whole set-up sounds amateur and unregulated !!!! They are children FFS.
Plus, had it been me giving the child a lift home to a house with no parents there - I might have taken the child to the police station for safeguarding reasons. Entitled mother would think twice next time.

How was she kicking the back of your seat if she'd manoeuvred her way into the front?

Sorry. I am not able to do that.

Simple, direct. Leave it at that.

I'm working my way through the comments and I just knew that they would come back with something like this.

You need to say "Ok - I was trying to be polite but that clearly missed the mark. I'm now stating clearly that I am not a taxi service and I am unable to bring any child (other than my own) to and from X activity. No exceptions and I'm not going to excuse it. Please find alternative arrangements for your child."

... This cannot be real and must be a fabrication.

Surely.

Another vote for this response!

Something a bit weird. How is it possible for the kid to kick the back of your chair if they had the front seat?

Did I read this incorrectly? Was it your DC kicking the back of your seat?

Why? The whole scenario sounds unbelievable.

You are being bullied by these parents. I find it hard to say no too and usually try to make an excuse rather than a straight no, so I get it. But honestly, if I started to feel painted into a corner like this by a bunch of manipulators, I would just say straight out that it doesn’t suit me and leave it at that. Don’t let them call the shots. You have mentioned that your daughter needs to decompress on the way home, so remember that you’re being a caring mum who is putting her child first and never mind what anyone else thinks.

For the sake of these parents, I'd say "Oh look CF Parent - Mary and Jane have apparently volunteered to bring little Janet home for you as I've stated I can't bring her home. After all, it's takes a village, so I've been told"

Play them at their own game!

my son used to play football with a lad whose parents would always rely on lifts !

Why do they commit to activities knowing they can’t / won’t get the kid there ?

Yes , emergencies happen and one offs OK
V rude she didn’t ask you . I’d be peeved too

What would happen to the poor kid if you hadn’t gone last week for illness or something? She hadn’t asked you? Just assumed?