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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not give her a lift?

791 replies

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:12

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

OP posts:
Littlemisscapable · 12/02/2025 23:18

Purplecatshopaholic · 12/02/2025 22:06

Well done for standing your ground op. This CF is beyond entitled and I can’t believe her attitude or that of other parents. Some of the responses on here are a bit mad too. Your child needs decompression time and that’s that, not that you have to tell them that if you don’t want to. FFS just tell them no once and for all - it’s a complete sentence remember.. 😉

Agreed..this is most cf behaviour I've read in a while and the endless request to #bekind are so ridiculous..its the same people who turn up with uninvited siblings to parties etc. So many examples on here. So good for you for saying no. ^^

ScoutingMumma · 12/02/2025 23:33

What a CF! Can’t stand people like this and I would think there was another GC going on too.

Do you have any other people in your network that could pick your DD up. Maybe Mum or sister? Then say that DD is staying there tonight and they live no where near the CF, sorry!

Lotsofsnacks · 12/02/2025 23:50

Never seen anything like this, In any clubs dc have been to, the parents have all been lovely and respectful, and would never take the piss like this!! And if they did need the favour of a lift, they would text kindly in advance and ask first!! What sort of parent presumes a random woman, and that’s a woman, she never has even even spoken to, will take her kid home!! I’m fuming for you. If it was me I would have told her where to go!!
the other parents there sound awful!! On principle I wouldn’t want to leave the group, BUT, I don’t think I’d what to spend my spare time with those bullies, I think you’d be better off moving clubs.

Lotsofsnacks · 12/02/2025 23:58

RockOrAHardplace · 12/02/2025 19:22

This!

But I would also add that, As I wasn't asked, I didn't even know the childs home address and the child had to give it me to and I was uncomfortable leaving her there when her parents were not there. I therefore had no opportunity to discuss it.

Show quote history

Yes play up the safeguarding concerns and bat it back to the snotty group leaders.

JMSA · 13/02/2025 00:01

And the mother has never asked you?
Who the fuck behaves like that?! Grin

ACynicalDad · 13/02/2025 00:04

I think tell the truth the next time, say she was unkind to your child, kicked the seat, was rude. She won't like that in the group chat.

wayfairer · 13/02/2025 00:04

Depending on what sort of club it is leaders aren't usually allowed to give children a lift home especially not if it's 1 2 1. So bit surprised a leader gave the kid a lift insteadof calling the parents!

tachetastic · 13/02/2025 00:05

Sorry, I couldn’t read the whole thread but I am totally with OP and sorry that you are out in this situation.

if it hasn’t been suggested, I would go back on the WhatsApp group and say that when you said you went shopping after the activity you were trying to be discrete and there are actually family things that you need to do. Then leave it at that. Make it awkward for her to push into family time.

MelodyBlue · 13/02/2025 00:08

You shouldn't have given lift to that child in the first place if her parent had not spoken to you about it in the first place. They activity organisers have to wait until her mum collects her/ call her mum to do so.

sweetgingercat · 13/02/2025 01:01

If she does it again, I would take the child to the organisers and leave the child with them to sort out. Make it clear that you are not available as a taxi driver and make up some excuse like you're going to another regular activity afterwards, or you go to tea on this day with grandma or something like that so she can't try it on again. CF in extreme..

Devianinc · 13/02/2025 01:16

This doesn’t make any sense. Your free to say no, I have other places to go after this activity and it’s not on my agenda to drop this child home bc I’m not going home so find someone else to take her home. Easy peasy

Devianinc · 13/02/2025 01:17

End of.

Pickled21 · 13/02/2025 01:23

The blame lies entirely with the other parents. however, you could have helped yourself by saying absolutely not to the child at the first instance and saying so to the leader of the activity. I absolutely understand how blindsided you must have felt in the moment!

Unfortunately my dh has had similar when our dd went to a dance class and dh would pick her up. CF mum decided he could pick up their dc and drop them off as they lived on our estate (estate has over 200 homes) and had told the group leader. Dh was firm and said he didn't know the child (child was a friend of dd's friends sister), or the parent, had never met the parent or had any communication with them and would not be taking an unknown to him child home. He even telephoned me incase I had agreed to it on his behalf and forgotten to tell him. I hadn't, he reiterated that to the group lead.The group lead called the parent who then admitted she hadn't asked but assumed and the leader said she would wait with the child until she arrived. Dh left. The group leader then communicated to all parents in the group that if anyone besides a parent or caregiver was collecting a child they needed to bring written permission and the lead had to be informed verbally to. She also reiterated that assuming others would give lifts based on proximity without being asked was unacceptable. Said woman used to give me stink eye regularly until ds remarked loudly last time that if the wind changed her face would get stuck like that.

IamnotwhouthinkIam · 13/02/2025 01:50

Very well done OP. It’s so easy for others to say to help her out - but they aren’t the ones having to make the effort are they?
It might have been harder to say no if the parent had actually asked you politely first (and/or if the child was actually lovely and seemed grateful) - but since it’s upsetting your daughter, it’s a no go anyway. Just try to remember that in case she tries again - CF’s rely on “kindness” (and in this case peer pressure- I can’t believe the ridiculousness of the whats app group!)

thrifty24 · 13/02/2025 02:06

@crockofshite can you explain what you mean by your question as to whether safeguarding is the new mental health?

WhateverEh · 13/02/2025 03:13

Personally I’d suggest the other parents take the child home and mum collects from other parents home, even if it’s some distance. There’s clearly no thought of your child and your plans.

LlamaDharma · 13/02/2025 04:45

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 19:26

@diddl I don't want to return! But moving my child is not easy.

Not easy, but not impossible and ultimately It may well be far easier than this constant fall out from a bunch of idiots who seem to think it’s your duty to ferry this kid about. I’d make it clear in the chat one last time that not once have you ever been asked, it was just decided for you with no discussion whatsoever.

BuckleBrothers · 13/02/2025 06:11

Well done OP. Don’t give in and don’t discuss any more. Keep interactions short and civil. Don’t doubt yourself. She is the rude and ridiculous one, not you. They will find something else to gossip about soon.

I know it’s tough but try not to remove your child.

crockofshite · 13/02/2025 06:24

thrifty24 · 13/02/2025 02:06

@crockofshite can you explain what you mean by your question as to whether safeguarding is the new mental health?

The new buzz word.

Safeguarding and mental health are serious subjects but these expressions are bandied about in all sorts of situations, sometimes inappropriately.

BusyMum47 · 13/02/2025 06:52

Tattletwat · 12/02/2025 09:20

Nope none of this. If she is left with no one to take her she stays at the activity location and they call her parents to pick her up.

Also you don't need to tell them you don't go home straight after you don't need to make any excuses, Just tell them no.

Show quote history

This! ⬆️

No is a complete sentence. No excuses needed - you don't know these people & don't owe them anything. Not your problem. If the child is left, the activity organisers need to contact parents &/or relevant authorities if necessary!

thepariscrimefiles · 13/02/2025 07:01

Sunshine1500 · 12/02/2025 21:27

You said the op did not know the child or the mother they do!

Show quote history

No I did not say that OP did not know the child. You said that OP did know the child and I didn't say that she didn't.

I referred to OP's posts explaining that this child's awful behaviour and the impact on OP's autistic child was the main reason that she didn't want to give lifts, setting aside the rudeness and poor parenting decisions of the child's mother who just left her child to be picked up by OP (who she has never spoken to) with no discussion or agreement.

CharityShopMensGlasses · 13/02/2025 07:02

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 19:00

Sorry, I got busy with work and club.

To clear things up - the CF mum had told the group leader and other parents that I would be taking her child home. They were not being remiss in their duties. I even wondered if I had perhaps missed a message in the chat where she had asked me. It wasn't until I got home and scrolled back through the messages that I saw she hadn't ever asked me.

I arrived at the activity today to pick up my child and lo and behold, there was her child waiting too. Despite me saying no, she had done it again. I took the child in, explained to the leader that I was unable to drive the child home. The group leader was a bit short with me, saying it was ridiculous that I would change my mind at the last minute, as they had other things to do after this and dropping the child home was inconvenient for them! I then got the stink eye from one of the other mum's who said CF's husband had recently left her and could I not be a little more understanding! I said it was hard to understand someone I've never spoken to!! In then end, with much huffing and puffing, the group leader said they would drive the child home. Child then kicked off saying they wanted to go with me, as the leader still had to pack up and they wanted to be home sooner rather than later. It was absolutely ridiculous!

Well done for standing your ground! If other mum is so keen she can take them home!

crackernutted · 13/02/2025 07:23

These people are crazy, don't worry in a year or 2 you won't have as much involvement in things like this. Stand your ground, you've done nothing wrong. The others don't have the full facts of the situation.

If your child couldn't attend the club because of illness what would happen then?

If others are that bothered then they could take it in turns to help with lifts. The child sounds challenging probably because of their home environment.

bomalan · 13/02/2025 07:51

Do you think maybe the kid asked your Daughter if she could have a lift home each week, and your Daughter felt like she couldn't say no?

Seems weird that a Mum would just assume that you're taking her kid home.

Either way, it's totally not your job to be taking her home. I wouldn't care what the other Mums say. I think you've done the right thing telling everyone you won't be a taxi.

Tortielady · 13/02/2025 09:09

I'm sorry you have to deal with this OP and sorry for your DD too. She should be able to rely on your car and her time with you as a safe space (this is important regardless of her ND status) and it's being taken away from you both by this rude mother and her graceless child. The apple didn't fall far from that tree, did it?

This aside, the safeguarding issues are glaring. It's chilling to know that there are people with responsibility for the safety of children, but with no idea what that actually means in practical terms - not letting them go off with random anybodies is Child Safety 101, surely? You've done the right thing in not letting yourself be boxed into chauffeuring about a child you and your DD don't like, at the expense of your family time and routine and your DD's mental health. In your shoes, I'd want to know exactly when I joined her mother's payroll. . .