To not give her a lift?

[DreamingOfHotPotatoes]

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

You need to go back to the leadership and ask them about their safeguarding policies. There a serious concern here that they were expecting you to take the child even though you had not agreed to do so. Ask them to show you their policies and procedures related to the release of children and point out the safeguarding issues.

Probably the ones who can't understand why op is being such a wet blanket!

Agree it's needs to be reported.. huge safeguarding fail and the official body overseeing this activity.

you need to be firm op!!

" i did not agree to give anyone a lift, especially someone who has never spoken to me regarding their child"

do not move groups and allow yourself to be bullied!

You’re going buy the house it’s not really an inconvenience. yes mum was rude just to presume that you were available to drop her child but could you not agree to share the run sometimes.

Did you read the original post before answering? The child in question is rude and the OP's child has autism, so needs a quiet space after the activity (the car) to decompress. Why should the OP put herself out for someone who doesn't even have the decency to ask her for a lift? You can see where the child got their manners and entitlement!

@Sunshine1500 Op does not know the mother nor the child.

Can you not see the safeguarding issues?

Id put on the group chat ‘I have never met or spoken to X parent and. I don’t appreciate lies being told about me. I have never been asked and I cannot give lifts.’
If anyone pushes back as why they haven’t take the child home ?

Id probably also throw in a comment about how ‘the village’ hasn’t helped you with your child despite having additional needs and shouldn’t they be a little more understanding.

@DreamingOfHotPotatoes how does the child get to the activity???

OP, I think you should send a stinking message to the leader that you do NOT appreciate their attitude.

You are under NO obligation whatsoever to take a child home that you dont know and how dare they be short with you.

That it is a complete safe guarding issue and you intend to report them to their governing body and social services.

Report it to the childs school and SS and the LA as it is a safe guarding issue.

Plaster every single email with all their names and tell the Leader you are going to do it.

How dare they foist a child you don't know on you.
Cherky fxxkers.
I feel very sorry for you.

A bit of a conflict CF mum saying child would be happy go shopping with you after the class, but when you were there this evening the child was in a strop about having to wait for the teacher to pack up because she wanted to go home.

If you had taken the kid shopping with you (yes, I know that was only an excuse) she'd have been a total nightmare.

OP, YADNBU - if the other parents are so concerned about the Mum take the kid home! Sorry they are stressing you out! I would hate this too :(

And that is a conversation that could have been had BEFORE the mother abandoned her child on OP. She sounds a nice woman and in an emergency of course she would help but her child is autistic so there are other issues at hand and to just abandon your child, not even knowing if OP was going to be there is totally unacceptable

The mum was completely wrong, but I’m talking from the ops perspective it’s not really a big inconvenience, they are members of the same club, it be nice to help if she can.
there are only two members that live in the same direction it would be easier to be able to share lifts occasionally. she drives by their house.

• not denying that the other parent was really irresponsible just leaving their child

The group leader is being completely unreasonable here. Keep strong by saying no, every single week.

I'd now get a lot tougher with the leader. Ask for a private conversation and say you were never asked, you are unhappy at being pressured by other parents, and you are especially unhappy that your daughter has been made to feel uncomfortable. You will not be giving lifts and she as leader will need to make sure the other parent collects their child as it is unfair to displace that onto you.

Probably the cheeky mother and the two parents who think op should take the child home. It is not normal behaviour.

The op has said she stays and helps out at the club, she does know the child.

The child was rude and badly behaved the last time OP drove her home and it upset OP's own child who has autism.

She should not be bullied into doing something that is detrimental to her own child's wellbeing.

This is awful, I cant believe the cheek of it. Why didn't the mum just ask you it you could do it. I agree stand your ground. Back off from the group if you need to and feel you can..

OP has also said:

'I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.'

Why on earth do you think that OP should continue to give completely non-reciprocal lifts to this badly behaved child who upsets OP and her autistic child?

I’d be tempted to not go next week, and not to tell anyone you’re not going. Then the leaders would have to sort something out.

Why doesn’t the other Mum offer to share lifts (or even speak to the OP)?

Why should the OP do all the lifts for a woman she doesn’t know who has never spoken to her to even ask her? Especially when it doesn’t work for her with her autistic child who needs a quiet car journey home.