To not give her a lift?

[DreamingOfHotPotatoes]

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

I would answer the ‘it takes a village’ comments with ‘indeed it does, I did my bit last week, who will do it this week?’

@DreamingOfHotPotatoes I'm actually raging for you! Unbelievable! Make sure you stand firm, give an inch and a CF will take a mile!

In your shoes, @DreamingOfHotPotatoes, I would be sending a very blunt email to the organisers:

“Further to tonight’s debacle, I wish to make it crystal clear that I have NEVER even been asked by X to give her daughter a lift home, and I have definitely not agreed to do so. I only took the child home last week because I was blindsided by X and her child, but prior to tonight’s activity, I told X that I would NOT be able to give her child a lift home again.

X then made the ridiculous - and frankly neglectful - decision to dump her child at the activity, knowing I was not going to give her child a lift home, presumably in hopes of manipulating me into driving her child home.

I refuse to be forced to give anyone a lift, and I am appalled firstly that X chose to leave her child with no way of getting home, secondly that you, the activity leaders, were snappy with me because I refuse to be manipulated and thirdly that other mothers at the activity were allowed to treat me rudely for sticking to my boundary - a boundary, I should mention, that they ALL knew about as they had seen my WhatsApp messages saying I would not be giving X’s child a lift home. They tried to guilt trip me there, and tried again by their attitudes tonight, and I am shocked at their behaviour and your condoning of it. I am also shocked that you do not see X’s actions as a safeguarding concern - getting her child driven home by an adult who she has never even spoken to does not sound sensible to me.

If they think X needs help, they are more than welcome to offer - but their ‘helpfulness’ only seems to stretch as far as trying to force the responsibility onto another, already hard pressed parent.

Finally, I wish to make it absolutely clear that I will not be offering X’s child a lift home in the future. I have made this clear to X, and I am making it clear to you.”

I'm starting to think there is a second group chat, that I am not a part of. This is not normal behaviour. I'm being bullied by 10 year old and her mother! My child is now upset, asking me if I can do something to keep the peace, that doesn't involve bringin the other child with us. I am seriously tempted to just move my child to a different activity, but her autism means change is not easy!

You shouldn’t have to move your child, and it is utterly unacceptable that this mum’s actions are making your child unhappy, @DreamingOfHotPotatoes.

Don't move your child
Just keep cool, ignore it and move on
CFer DIDNT ask you so just shrug if it's brought up " no idea"

Don't JADE
Justify, argue, defend or explain -you get picked apart that way.

Op shouldn't have to move but frankly with all the rudeness & batshittery I'm not sure I'd want my daughter going there!

This!

But I would also add that, As I wasn't asked, I didn't even know the childs home address and the child had to give it me to and I was uncomfortable leaving her there when her parents were not there. I therefore had no opportunity to discuss it.

Well, quite! Also, you've got to be concerned at the level of safeguarding?

Who on earth are the 3% who think OP was unreasonable???

@DreamingOfHotPotatoes What did the leader say when you pointed out you'd never been asked by this mum to take their job and therefore never agreed to it?

I would post another message in the group chat tonight:

"I'm not sure which bit of I'm not providing lifts that people didn't understand, but I don't appreciate being put on the spot for something I was never asked to do and therefore never agreed to. Just so we're all clear, I won't agreeing now or in the future either."

Be firm, because these pushy parents need putting in their villages.

@diddl I don't want to return! But moving my child is not easy.

Don't let them bully you out! Stand up for yourself in the group chat and ignore them all going forwards.

Perfect answer.

Just keep saying no Op as otherwise you'll be lumbered with this as she sounds like she has the hide of a rhino and extremely brazen!

It's always a challenge with ND children, but she's already anxious about the situation. It's certainly not conducive to an enjoyable time.

Hmmm, why indeed? In Mumsnet parlance, I'm baffled 😬

The group leader was a bit short with me, saying it was ridiculous that I would change my mind at the last minute

Bloody cheek, I would have exploded at this point

With leaders like that, I would be finding a new group regardless.

Read with interest. I had one like this, different scenario. I am stubborn as hell, gets easier with age. Next week, ignore any sanctimonious comments or ill will comments, just collect your child and leave. It will pass. There will be ones in the whatsapp chat who are on your side. Ignore the mum and her wingmen.

The Village?

Keep going OP, you are over the hard part. You stood your ground.

Why should your child miss out because of these nutters. All piping up with their tuppence worth. The leader should have a frank discussion with cf parent. Don’t back down.

I just wish I could bollock the group leaders, the CF mum and the other WhatsAppgeoup mums on @DreamingOfHotPotatoes‘s behalf.

I am raging for her.

Destined for 'Classics', is this 🙄

Other possible tactics:
Just skip a week or 2 without going
Leave to go home early if possible

As people have advised, the organisers should call the parents

Excellent