To not give her a lift?

[DreamingOfHotPotatoes]

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

“If I had been asked, then I would have had the opportunity to say that it wouldn’t work for me and explain why. However no one even asked me! I have been presented with a fair accompli which is quite rude and presumptuous. Given little Sally’s behaviour on the trip home last week, I am even less inclined to help out. You will need to make other arrangements to get her to and from the club”

OP, how did it go today after the activity?

How did it go @DreamingOfHotPotatoes ?

😲😲 Omg what a cheeky fucker!!!

@DreamingOfHotPotatoes your first mistake was making an excuse as cheeky fuckers always find a way around excuses as you discovered. I would reply to her message "@cheeky fucker no isn't fine that I can take your child shopping with with me and it is incredibly cheeky, rude and entitled to think that just because I drive past your house that I am your personal fucking taxi service especially as she didn't even ask or speak with you about it. You will not be collecting and dropping her child off ever again so she had better find another arrangement or actually take responsibilty for HER CHILD.

Stick to your guns op and if the child says you are collecting again say no you are not and have a word with the activity leader and say that this was not arranged nor discussed with you and you won't be taking her home so they will need to contact the mother. She will paint you as a nasty bitch so stay calm and point out the fact that she never spoke nor asked you but got her child to tell you that you will driving her home. She does not get to dictate to a complete stranger for what is her responsibility.

As for the other parents if they think you're being unreasonable I would reply that since it takes a village then its surely no problem for them to collect and drop the child home. You can bet they will all be shocked that you dared suggest it and make excuses themselves as to why they can't.

Nip this right in the bud OP because if you don't this entitled cheeky fucker will escalate and have you doing free childcare and god knows what else. Cheeky fuckers only get away with their behaviour because they rely on people being too polite and passive to say no along with their enablers.

Neither women nor men should be taking a child without the parent's permission (or just because the child told them to). And certainly not leaving them somewhere that they are not even sure is the correct address.

I would be horrified if I arrived slightly late to pick my child up and found out she had gone with someone I had never even spoken to.

Just say no you can't do it but here are 2 other fools who can help you
Cheeky fuckers all of them!

Hope you stuck to your guns. It impacts negatively on your child, that’s the only reason you need.

And ... that's why you shouldn't make stuff up. I hope you've made it clear that it isn't convenient.

Dont use the group chat for this, as it’s no one else’s business & you don’t need their opinions. Message directly & say that it’s not happening. End of. The entitlement & lack of manners are massive red flags.

I had this at the beginning of the school year. Not even an offer it being reciprocal turns ( not that I wanted that). Miraculously they have now found a way to take their own child most of the time after saying that they couldn’t & their dc would miss out.

That is so cheeky,

Thank you 👍. I can't imagine someone doing that nowadays.

"That wouldn't work for us I'm afraid"

"my daughter and I value the 1:1 time in the car"

"I'd rather not discuss it further but I'm afraid im
not able to help with lifts"

Sorry, I got busy with work and club.

To clear things up - the CF mum had told the group leader and other parents that I would be taking her child home. They were not being remiss in their duties. I even wondered if I had perhaps missed a message in the chat where she had asked me. It wasn't until I got home and scrolled back through the messages that I saw she hadn't ever asked me.

I arrived at the activity today to pick up my child and lo and behold, there was her child waiting too. Despite me saying no, she had done it again. I took the child in, explained to the leader that I was unable to drive the child home. The group leader was a bit short with me, saying it was ridiculous that I would change my mind at the last minute, as they had other things to do after this and dropping the child home was inconvenient for them! I then got the stink eye from one of the other mum's who said CF's husband had recently left her and could I not be a little more understanding! I said it was hard to understand someone I've never spoken to!! In then end, with much huffing and puffing, the group leader said they would drive the child home. Child then kicked off saying they wanted to go with me, as the leader still had to pack up and they wanted to be home sooner rather than later. It was absolutely ridiculous!

I hope you told the group leader you hadn't changed your mind last minute... you never agreed to it in the first place and had infact already told the mother you can't! And the nerve of the other woman... she can be more understanding and drop the ladies child herself if she cares that much! What is wrong with people

Did you actually spell out that you were not 'changing your mind last minute, but that at NO point had CF ever actually asked you in the first place and that today you had made it VERY clear that you were not willing to do it and had pretty categorically said no!

So what did they say when you said you weren't 'changing your mind' as that implies you agreed to take the child?

@DreamingOfHotPotatoes Did you say to the Group Leader and the other parents that you had never agreed to take the child home, had never even been spoken to by the other child's Mum about whether you could do it or not? If not, why not?

This is beginning to sound like it's a wind up. Surely you aren't so passive that you didn't explain to the Group leader or the other parents?

Ugh. Please message the group leader and make it very clear that you have never agreed to this and only did it last week because you were landed in it.

Ffs OP I hope you told the leader you were not changing your mind last minute, you’ve never met the parent and you’ve told them you’re not offering lifts to this child!

please can you message this parent directly and tell them to fuck off! There have been several excellent responses posts PPs in this thread that you could use.

I hope you told them you never been asked so not changed your mind. Tbh I'd be looking to change groups for activity as the coach, the other parents sound awful. Lifes too short for this sort of behaviour.

OP next message you get just say your ND DC was disturbed by the abandoned child acting feral.

Of course I told the leader I had not agreed to take the child! I even put it in the group chat earlier that day "sorry, I am unable to give lifts home".

That’s just crazy!

The leaders sound just as crazy as the mother who are these people 😅

So why didn't the leader, or anyone else - contact the child's parent?