To not give her a lift?

[DreamingOfHotPotatoes]

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

Well let these other parents drop the child off if they are so concerned- doesn't matter what direction they are going in. Can't believe the cheek of her not even asking you. Tell her no, you don't have to give a reason or justify your decision
Suggest you message her privately rather than on a group chat, others are obviously giving their opinions which is not helpful.

You are putting yourself at risk. You don’t know the child and they don’t know you. It’s a full on no

Also dropping off a child you don’t really know in an empty house -or possibly the lodger only -what if something happened -could you be partly held responsible.

I don't know, the other parents who are banging on about it taking a village and who think she is being unreasonable may be unaware that the CF mum has never even spoken to the OP before. A little shame on the group chat could go a long way.

I'm trying to imagine how any of this conversation has gone the way the OP describes it. It just makes no sense to me.

One of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this!

So last week it seems this child just announces to the OP 'my mum says I am getting a lift home with you tonight. My address is XXXX.' with no prior discussion.

If that happened to me, I'd be asking the child to get their mother on the phone to make sure I wasn't inadvertently kidnapping someone's child, for a start. If there was some sort of issue, I'd help out for that one occasion rather than leave the child stranded with no immediate lift in place, given that home was 30 mins away. But the OP just does it, and leaves the child at the house with an adult who wasn't even a relative.

the mother had messaged the other parents on the group chat and told them I was taking her child home.

That's it? On a WA message group that the OP is part of, this woman has said something along the lines of 'Dreaming is going to be taking Amelia to club and bringing her home again this evening and from now on.' Without ever actually asking Dreaming herself if this is okay and without having had any contact with her at all since she brought the child home last week. Seriously, who does that?

Why would they bother to announce this on a chat group to a load of other people who don't even need to know, while talking about the OP in the third person as though it's already been discussed/agreed between the two of them, when they've never actually spoken AT ALL before?

Surely it would be just as easy to say 'Dreaming , I hope it's okay for Amelia to jump in with you again tonight? That would really help me out a lot. Thanks.'

And then:

'I have put a message on the group chat saying I am unable to give lifts home as I do my grocery shopping after the activity.'

Which is fair enough. But then the OP has said the other mums on the chat seem to think she's being unreasonable and two have actually gone as far as to take her up on it, with the comment 'It takes a village to raise children.'

WTAF? Is this a bad episode of Desperate Housewives?

Is there some mitigating factor here, like the child's mother is recovering from emergency surgery because she was hit by a juggernaut last week or something? Because otherwise I am really struggling to imagine this conversation playing out the way the OP describes it.

Sometimes people are just bad at describing things and either add stuff for effect but make the whole thing sound far less less believable than the truth, or they leave out important information that gives better context. As it is, I just can't get my head round this happening at all.

Yes, this is a really good point.

What if she'd disappeared off the face of the earth and never been seen again?

I think I'd have taken her home and called the parents to come and collect her from my house, making it clear that the lift back was a one off and next time I'd leave her at the activity.

Haha I.knew she'd say something like this! You shouldn't have given a reason. I'd reply, "sorry I still can't offer lifts." Leaving the group chat might be a good idea.

I'm a big believer in "it takes a village to raise a child", however I'm also a big believer in don't be an arsehole and this woman is definitely one! And the village thing works both ways. Offering to alternate, being kind and polite and grateful- I'm all over that. Taking the mick? Not so much. Stand your ground OP!!!

tell them its their turn to be the villager who carries the child home!

You can't say that. You will be deleted for troll hunting. You need to find a more inventive way of expressing your incredulity, like saying 'that doesn't quite make sense, could you explain this part a bit more clearly please.'

This! Who let you take the child unless there was an arrangement / why did you take them with no notice? Sounds bizarre to me. Why not just leave the child there and get them to call the parents if no one shows up for them?

Send her a private message to say you are not able to give a lift due to the negative impact on your child's autism and that you didn't feel comfortable saying about your child's disability on the group chat. Therefore you will not be able to give any more lifts.

Just say great that you have two others offering to be your village, glad it worked out for you all

After making it clear I couldn't give the child a lift home, the next time class is on I'd either keep my DC away from class for a week, or turn up early to collect.

Surely those insisting you should give child a lift could do it, if they're so keen that they get a lift home.

How did they kick the back of your chair the whole way home if they were sat beside you in the front of the car?

Hope you have your hard hat on 😂

#Cancel the check

🔥

Or today even - I'd not take my child there later, either that or collect early.

Why should OP's kid miss out on the lesson or have to leave early?! That's crazy!

Not rude. Just very firm.

Dear CF, there seem to be crossed wires here. I need to make it clear to you that I am not available to give Little CF a lift home this week, or in the future. Nor am I available to give Little CF a lift to the activity this week, or in the future in case you imagined I could.

This is a level of CFery that is quite staggering

@DreamingOfHotPotatoes

I'd start with messaging this child's parent directly with the basic truth "Your child pushed my child, demanded the front seat, and when I refused she kicked the back of my seat all the way home. I will not be giving lifts". If you felt like bringing out the big guns you could add "I consider this an end to the matter. But if you feel you must 'make this public' I will post your child's behaviour publicly as my response".

Is this child a 'star player' or something? Otherwise I can't see all these parents getting so involved.

I agree. I can't believe you even did it to begin with OP. Not in a million years would I agree to put a child in my car and take them to an address given only by the child, without speaking to a single guardian.