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Original poster

To not give her a lift?

791 replies

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:12

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 12/02/2025 13:04

myfitbitisfucked · 12/02/2025 12:10

This is all absolute bollocks

Report it then.

Khanga27 · 12/02/2025 13:07

@DreamingOfHotPotatoes I think you need to be upfront to this rude woman, and say that the last time you gave her child a lift without her having the courtesy to ask, her child was extremely rude and badly behaved and it made your child who has autism extremely distressed, so you are not willing to subject your child to her disruptive child when in her safe space.

raspberryberet7 · 12/02/2025 13:11

ILoveRadio6 · 12/02/2025 09:18

I agree with the above post.

Don't give the child a lift again. The people running the activity will have to contact the parents and sort it out. It isn't your problem.

this. stay out of it completely. safeguard yourself!

Sunat45degrees · 12/02/2025 13:11

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 10:01

Ffs. I've now got 2 other parents on the group chat questioning why I can't do it. Saying "it takes a village to raise children"
I hate this. Why can't people just raise their own children?!

Honestly, I would push back and say, "well, I might have been happy to provide a lift if I'd ever been asked. But I haven't been asked. It was just assumed and in fact, it is NOT convenient for me, especially considering Mary's additional needs and how distressed she got with Penelope's behaviour last time."

But then, I am one of those people who is polite, friendly, helpful (I often give lifts etc for example) but I'm also one who doesn't have any problem standing up for myself and if people push back and I'm cast as the bad guy, so be it.

ChristmasPudd1990 · 12/02/2025 13:12

Summerdew · 12/02/2025 09:15

Well if she’s left with no one to take her home then you should take her but I’d be getting out of the car and telling her parents it’s a one off as you don’t always go straight home after and it’s inconvenient. If it happens again after that I’d tell her to call her parents as you aren’t going that way.

No you don't. Whoever is running this club,calls the parent and gets them to collect said child. How dare they just make assumptions like that?!?

MinnieGirl · 12/02/2025 13:12

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 10:01

Ffs. I've now got 2 other parents on the group chat questioning why I can't do it. Saying "it takes a village to raise children"
I hate this. Why can't people just raise their own children?!

That old chestnut.....
Usually sprouted by parents who refuse to accept any responsibility for their own kids....
Why put your child into an activity if you aren't prepared to take and collect them?! Oh yes, a CF....

You could just repeat....I will not be taking or collecting anyone else's child. And then say nothing else at all.

If specific people ask you at the activity, you could just say you were gobsmacked that a parent would abandon their child to a total stranger without even asking. And that you are not taking anyone else's child because it impacts on your child's welfare. As demonstrated last week by said child shoving yours.

What a CF

BabyFever246 · 12/02/2025 13:12

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 10:01

Ffs. I've now got 2 other parents on the group chat questioning why I can't do it. Saying "it takes a village to raise children"
I hate this. Why can't people just raise their own children?!

You reply saying "Because I don't want to, but since you clearly feel so strongly I guess you will have no issues doing it instead. (Tag the mum) it looks like x and y will be taking over with the lifts".

Baffy · 12/02/2025 13:14

Definitely a CF.

Sounds like it will have to be a super firm - no, sorry, I can't give lifts. Just repeat and repeat, without excuses that they can then twist. Just 'Sorry, I can't' or 'That won't work for me'.

Sorry they're pressuring you like this.

Trumptonagain · 12/02/2025 13:15

I'd also be concerned that as the parent hadn't directly asked for a lift if, god forbid there was an accident or the DC decide to run off then cheeky parent would put the blame on you saying she'd never asked you to fetch her DD home you just took it upon yourself to do so.

Crunchymum · 12/02/2025 13:15

From the first post:

on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on

Don't pick the kid up to begin with - problem solved!

Baffy · 12/02/2025 13:16

She didn't pick the child up! They were left at the activity for her to take home.

Trumptonagain · 12/02/2025 13:18

(Tag the mum) it looks like x and y will be taking over with the lifts".

Can see the village deminishing as I read that.

Redfred00 · 12/02/2025 13:19

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 10:01

Ffs. I've now got 2 other parents on the group chat questioning why I can't do it. Saying "it takes a village to raise children"
I hate this. Why can't people just raise their own children?!

I'd say

That doesn't work for me. However, if you are happy to commit then let tge cheek fucker know.

Babycatsmummy · 12/02/2025 13:20

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 10:01

Ffs. I've now got 2 other parents on the group chat questioning why I can't do it. Saying "it takes a village to raise children"
I hate this. Why can't people just raise their own children?!

I'd kindly suggest if they are so concerned, they take the child home!

DragonfliesAboveYourBed · 12/02/2025 13:20

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:49

I've had a reply. I'm staring at it in disbelief. Basically, she says its fine if I have to do the food shop after the activity, her child won't mind tagging along! Clearly I'm crap at saying no. I'm just going to have to be rude aren't I?

I'd make it clear that wasn't happening, and I'd also clearly say that I will leave the child at the activity. And then I'd follow through. Otherwise you'll be doing it all the time.

crockofshite · 12/02/2025 13:21

ZebedeeDougalFlorence · 12/02/2025 11:09

Something a bit weird. How is it possible for the kid to kick the back of your chair if they had the front seat?

Did I read this incorrectly? Was it your DC kicking the back of your seat?

Child WANTED the front seat, didn't get it, got sat in the back and kicked the front seat.

wherearemypastnames · 12/02/2025 13:25

Be blunt - the child was badly behaved so you won't take them again

Richiewoo · 12/02/2025 13:26

Definitely don't be giving this child a lift. I'd be telling the mother straight.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 12/02/2025 13:28

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 10:01

Ffs. I've now got 2 other parents on the group chat questioning why I can't do it. Saying "it takes a village to raise children"
I hate this. Why can't people just raise their own children?!

Seriously? Two people are now getting into a debate with you over Whatsapp because you said 'sorry but I can't do that, I have to go grocery shopping after.'
And they are actually saying 'it takes a village..' etc?

LoveSandbanks · 12/02/2025 13:28

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:49

I've had a reply. I'm staring at it in disbelief. Basically, she says its fine if I have to do the food shop after the activity, her child won't mind tagging along! Clearly I'm crap at saying no. I'm just going to have to be rude aren't I?

As another parent of autistic children, I completely understand your situation

I think the parent has been unbelievably rude in their expectation and with not even asking you. I’m old now and would respond that giving seat kicker a lift home doesn’t work for you. The people on the WhatsApp group are never going to be your friends anyway so who cares if you upset them.

if you want to give a reason, just tell them that your child is autistic and having someone else in the car after the stress of their activity is too much for them. But as I said, I’m old, and no longer feel the need to justify myself to wankers.

Theres no fucking village helping us bring up our autistic kids so I don’t know why we’re expected to assist everyone else.

Crunchymum · 12/02/2025 13:29

Baffy · 12/02/2025 13:16

She didn't pick the child up! They were left at the activity for her to take home.

She didn't pick the child up this time but the first post makes it sound as though that is what is expected going forwards?

Cherrysoup · 12/02/2025 13:31

TwigletsAndRadishes · 12/02/2025 13:28

Seriously? Two people are now getting into a debate with you over Whatsapp because you said 'sorry but I can't do that, I have to go grocery shopping after.'
And they are actually saying 'it takes a village..' etc?

Edited
Show quote history

Probably because they are DESPERATE not to be lumbered with taking her home! Extreme CFs!

Yalta · 12/02/2025 13:32

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 10:01

Ffs. I've now got 2 other parents on the group chat questioning why I can't do it. Saying "it takes a village to raise children"
I hate this. Why can't people just raise their own children?!

Reply with

The answer is No I will not ferry your child to and from the activity.

I do mind your child tagging along. I don’t want to be dealing with arguments or my seat being kicked and I want to shop with my child in peace and not be responsible for another child.
I also don’t want the restriction of not being able to go somewhere else before the activity and have to go out of my way to pick up someone else’s child

Especially when I have never been asked to do this and only did it as a one off emergency when the parent didn’t collect and had told the child I would be doing it.

No it doesn’t take a village to raise a child. It takes one parent.

But if people think it does then why don’t they step in to help.

From my perspective the village analogy only seems to be trotted out when someone needs something

JudgeJ · 12/02/2025 13:34

Summerdew · 12/02/2025 09:15

Well if she’s left with no one to take her home then you should take her but I’d be getting out of the car and telling her parents it’s a one off as you don’t always go straight home after and it’s inconvenient. If it happens again after that I’d tell her to call her parents as you aren’t going that way.

If she has chosen to abandon her child then the police and social services should be involved, not the OP.

MinnieGirl · 12/02/2025 13:35

It's actually very concerning that the leaders of the activity allowed this child to be taken by someone who wasn't their parent! I would definitely ring them before tonight and give them the heads up. You may find that CF mum has told them you are allowed to take and fetch her daughter..in which case you will need to put them right...