To think the best times are over?

[Numblittlebug87]

Turned 40 and just feel so sad all the time. And if not sad then numb.
Parents getting older, probably only got a few years left.
Kids nearly grown up and I’m not actually sad about that because I’ve not enjoyed them very much.
Mediocre job that is not a career and it’s too late for me to now have a career.
Barely any friends because I can’t be bothered - I arrange or agree to things and then either cancel when it comes to it or go and think what a waste of money it was as I didn’t enjoy it.
But mostly I just feel so sad, I feel like I’m looking at my parents getting older and more infirm, my kids flying the nest and then scraping by in a less than fulfilling job for the next 30 years. What’s the point?

Aibu to think that the best times are gone? And that everything becomes impossible as you age?

I am 53 and having more fun now than I have ever had so YABU. I don't find things as impossible as you claim.
What do you do for fun?

I changed jobs, moved city and started a masters at 46. It’s never too late to change things that make you unhappy. Also - hormones! Things might look so much better if you deal with your hormonal changes, don’t underestimate it.
as you said - so many working years left, its very much worth thinking of a plan to change your path. Best of luck to you xxx

Also, if you keep cancelling on your friends you soon won't have any.

If you imagined you only had a year left to live what would you change and what parts of your current life make you happy?

I feel you OP.

im early 30s and already feel this. I feel I was 20 a minute ago with my whole life ahead now I’m attending funerals and worried about ageing parents.

As another PP said, what do you do for fun?

If you're 40 your parents can't be more than about 70, so in all likelihood they have more than just a few years left.

I can relate. I did lose my dad in my early 40s and my mom is getting on now. We have many relatives and their generations are almost gone. I feel like my loving childhood is being ripped away and I miss everyone so much from grandmas, aunties, uncles, everyone. Life also was so much better in the 90s and noughties with so much optimism and less hatred and divisiveness compared to today.

Fgs you sound a right barrel of laughs op. Can you not see the joy in any aspect of life or at all?

You sound depressed.

Yes, your youth is over. But you’re maybe only halfway through life. There’s lots to look forward to before decrepitude.

I understand quite are of your feeling. Older parents, children going up. Everything else is in your control. You can retrain into a new career and start new hobbies. Start right away, even in a small way. Don’t write off the next 40+ years!

Bloody hell you are a cheery bunch.. Giving up at 30!

Their early 40s are the time that people rate as the least happy times of their life. On average, people report more joy and satisfaction during both youth and later life.

Well if your kids are getting older isn't this now the time to start thinking of things to do for you?

What hobbies or interests do you have or would like to have?

You are only just turned 40? Not too late to start looking for something different to do that gives you more buzz.

You’ve got a long way to retirement, if you want to change careers there’s plenty of time!
I’m 45, I’m really looking forward to the next decade, my kids are teenagers and mostly good company and increasingly independent, I’m looking forward to travelling just me and dh, to going out without having to worry about who’s there for the kids. A bit more freedom again!

I do hate that my mum is getting older, but I think the only thing to do is make sure I spend quality time with her while I can. DF died quite young and it was a huge comfort that we were quite close and I saw lots of him.

I’m 48 and my life is full of stress (ageing parents, depressed out of work Dh, autistic dc, threat of redundancy to my job, perimenopause etc) but there is still much to love and look forward to.

I think you need to try to change your mindset. If your kids are nearly grown, that means more time and freedom for you, which is surely a positive flip side?

I don’t do anything for fun because I don’t find anything fun 🤣
I used to, but now it seems pointless and often expensive. I don’t have the energy either a lot of the time.
Life is now work, mop up everything else at the weekend, work.
I know this is life though!

Every day above ground is a bonus.
Life is definitely not over at 40.

OP it's really common to start feeling like this when peri menopause starts. If not already, you should think about whether you need to start on HRT.

I went through similar feelings when peri hit. HRT is definitely helping but I need a higher dose. It's trial and error to begin with.

That sounds like depression @Numblittlebug87.

Nope this isn't life for everyone. I still enjoy lots of things and have plenty of energy at 53. So does my 80 yr old mum!

I would start with a trip to the GP to rule out depression, peri or not. And then look at exercise, diet and so on.

If you have 30 years left to work it's def not too late to have a career.

I must admit 40-50 was my worat decade. My DF died. Perimenopause and just feeling old. Hit 50 and I feel much more optimistic and enjoy life a lot more - hang in there. Accept how you feel but also accept this will pass and things do get better.

Look at the U happiness curve.

No this is not life!

What sort of things did you used to find fun? Why are they not fun anymore, or have you just moved on? There must be something you would like to do, get involved in, learn about.

You are only 40, try not to feel old before your time, I understand how you feel, seeing parents age is hard, have a read of these though excuse the fact it’s from LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/life-after-40-get-inspired-52-late-bloomers-ramesh-dontha
not a film star or author unfortunately but started whole new career mid 40s after being at home with kids for years, was daunting but worked, start changing little things, say yes more. You have half a life or more ahead of you, and there will be good times