To think the best times are over?

[Numblittlebug87]

Turned 40 and just feel so sad all the time. And if not sad then numb.
Parents getting older, probably only got a few years left.
Kids nearly grown up and I’m not actually sad about that because I’ve not enjoyed them very much.
Mediocre job that is not a career and it’s too late for me to now have a career.
Barely any friends because I can’t be bothered - I arrange or agree to things and then either cancel when it comes to it or go and think what a waste of money it was as I didn’t enjoy it.
But mostly I just feel so sad, I feel like I’m looking at my parents getting older and more infirm, my kids flying the nest and then scraping by in a less than fulfilling job for the next 30 years. What’s the point?

Aibu to think that the best times are gone? And that everything becomes impossible as you age?

It's not life for everyone.
Im 43 and life is busy and fun.

My mum died in her early 40's so I've always been determined to make the most of life.
Every year I age is a blessing and far better than the alternative.

I think I’ve always felt this way to some degree but when I was young I assumed I’d feel better at some point - but now I don’t think I will.

over the years I’ve tried therapy, antidepressants, acupuncture, vitamins, osteopathy, exercise, going out more vs going out less, hobbies etc

And nothing has made me feel any different. I read that looking forward to things helps us feel better but because I feel nothing I don’t look forward to anything. Just seems pointless. My kids are doing well, both will likely go to university but I feel no pleasure in their success. I’m pleased for them but in a sort of detached way.

Maybe how I feel is more a realisation that this is it and it’s not going to improve so how to I manage another 30 years or so of getting all the bad stuff but nothing good to counter balance it? I’m just biding my time. It’s difficult to imagine how anyone feels differently.

Are you perimenopausal? Maybe you need HRT? It's not normal to be so miserable at your age.
Make some changes to find some joy in your life.

Why don't you feel anything? What did you explore in therapy? What has happened to make you feel so dead inside- it's really not normal

Going back to a point you made in your OP. It's not too late to change jobs or develop a career.
I teach on a postgraduate professional course and I'd say around 50% of my students are career changers in their 40's and 50's.

I'm 57 and having the best time of my life. Love my job, friends. My adventures. Though, I am a glass half full person.

Sounds like you are actually depressed OP. You can't continue like that. Please see a doctor.

Try a new hobby even as a once off, start getting out, watch things you love on tv, take your parents or kids on days out or a holiday, start reading magazines and books, listen to music you used to adore, get rest, pamper yourself (even just leg shave, moisturise, paint toenails) go to a concert, sit on a beach x

OP it does sound like you may be suffering from depression. At my worst, everything seemed pointless and I was so angry at the world. Because I was giving out negative energy, that's what I was getting back.

Truth is, the world IS shit. Nothing you can do about that except be the change you want to see in it. My advice, from experience, would be try to find joy in the small things: food, books, TV shows, long baths, whatever. You're here and that's a good thing 🫶

Partly sounds like you’re sad because you’re so negative. You can also be negative because you’re sad, but in my experience this becomes a feedback loop.

I think you are suffering from severe depression. The reason is, this happened to me a long time ago, exactly the same. To this very day I have to keep a check on it. I know you might not want to go the Doctors route to this, but believe me when depression is severe that is what modern medicine is for. There are a range of modern anti depressants nowadays totally different to years ago, mostly none addictive and they work very fast. Take the plunge and see your Doctor , describe your whole frame of mind. I had to do it The best thing I ever did. They will only give you a lie dose, you won't be in a daze or anythingike that, it will not take long to feel better. What have you got to loose? x

I have similar thoughts; i think with kids being the purpose for so long you get a bit lost. Mine are younger, so my plan is to retire by 50.
I am not depressed.
Maybe peri.
I can't find fun stuff to do (tried various-hate any art, dancing) only activities i enjoy are reading, spending time with kids and DH, exercising alone and long walks on sunny days.
I find people and any socialising increasingly tiresome, because i want to do everything when i want, becomimg a very grumpy insular old woman. I don't really care for friends.
I don't like my job but it pays well.

I'm 49, one DD at university, one at home, mum very unwell at the moment and very sad about that, but am also writing a book, doing very well in my career, my fitness has improved in the last two years and I'm strong and flexible, my periods have just stopped and contrary to what I might have expected and all things considered I actually feel great, so completely confident in myself, very resilient and a tower of strength, and a lot better than ten years ago when I felt trapped in a stressful job, had younger children and had just developed endometriosis and was knackered all the time. Am also looking forward to it just being DH and me at home in a few years. I see menopause as my second spring.

I’m 43 and I feel much the same. Over the past year, life has felt like a bit of a slog and I haven’t enjoyed it much. Now, one of my parents has a life-limiting illness (although they might survive for several more years, albeit with a reduced quality of life). I know that losing your parents is part of life, but I struggle to imagine a happy future for myself. I wonder how other people manage it?

I’m going to try counselling and start a couple of small hobbies even though I feel as though I can’t be bothered.
I know I’m depressed as I’ve had depression before. I didn’t realise it could be linked to the peri-menopause.