To think the best times are over?

[Numblittlebug87]

Turned 40 and just feel so sad all the time. And if not sad then numb.
Parents getting older, probably only got a few years left.
Kids nearly grown up and I’m not actually sad about that because I’ve not enjoyed them very much.
Mediocre job that is not a career and it’s too late for me to now have a career.
Barely any friends because I can’t be bothered - I arrange or agree to things and then either cancel when it comes to it or go and think what a waste of money it was as I didn’t enjoy it.
But mostly I just feel so sad, I feel like I’m looking at my parents getting older and more infirm, my kids flying the nest and then scraping by in a less than fulfilling job for the next 30 years. What’s the point?

Aibu to think that the best times are gone? And that everything becomes impossible as you age?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/dgbmvN2QmQNMKPKjhcBw0x/when-are-you-the-happiest-in-life#:~:text=Happiness%20follows%20a%20U%2Dshaped%20curve&text=That%20means%2C%20statistically%2C%20middle%2D,in%20all%20of%20social%20science.

Happiness follows a U-shaped curve
While we are happiest in our 20s as the seniors predicted, our happiness then descends down to a nadir in our late 40s before reversing direction and climbing back up into our 70s. That means, statistically, middle-age is the unhappiest time in people’s lives. Remarkably this exact same U-shaped curve holds true across sex, race, culture, climate and over 100 countries, making it one of the most solid findings in all of social science. It even ignores presumed predictors of happiness such as menopause or whether the person lives in a developed or developing country

I felt I was washed up and hopeless at 30, newly divorced and with 2 little kids as a single parent. I retrained and now (nearly 49) I'm a partner in a law firm. Life hasn't given me me what I hoped for in terms of a personal relationship (I've had others) but I have a good job, lovely kids, and another 15+ years of working life ahead. Parents are ageing and increasingly infirm, which is a worry, but my goodness I wouldn't be giving up on life just yet. I do find I get tired more and can't be out socialising several nights a week, but as PP have said, peri-menopause is a big contributor to that and once I realised (in my case at 43) that's what it was, getting on HRT helped a lot.

I feel this way each minute of every day. I've got a permanent neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that was caused by some prescribed off label antipsychotic after a head injury, so I've felt the best of my life was before my eldest daughter was born 14 years ago.

Now I just feel like I'm really treading water until the end. Sorry if that sounds deeply depressing or depressed, I've got many wonderful things to be grateful for and I love my parents and DH and DC more than life. I've just been dealt a shitty hand in life and it gets me down 💔😢

I'm 44 I had a heart attack nearly 6 weeks ago before that I felt similar but now I feel like I have a second chance, I have applied and got an interview for a job that I have some experience in but will challenge me and expand my knowledge a bit , it's not pop star wages but I've spent the last 5 weeks in a bit of a depressed shocked daze. But..... I have a second chance I met a friend last week I haven't seen in 20 years. Me and my husband made plans the week before that to go for a meal with a couple we know, we are seeing them again this Friday. My point is you have to sometimes just take the time even an hour to have some time away from the mundane day to day, what do you enjoy? What do you want to do ? What's stopping you ?

It's a bit ridiculous even for MN. Folk over the hill in their early 30's.Get a grip.

Sounds like you are depressed OP.

You're only 40 for a start, you've got another 28 years of working before state pension age, so you are not even half way through your working life yet. If you want to retrain in a different career, then there is plenty of time to do that. Or just change jobs.

Your kids are nearly grown up - great you will have time to focus on yourself and develop a new career, or hobbies, or friendships, or travel, if that's what you want to do.

My grandmother in law is her 90s, recently widowed and in poor physical health. She still manages to find joy in little things and is pretty upbeat considering. As she says, you've just got to make the best of it and get on with it.

Definitely see your GP to rule out depression, and maybe start something like couch to 5k. You sound like you need some endorphins.

You sound very depressed - have you seen your GP to talk about how you’re feeling?

You are having a mid life crisis. Most people have one. You will come out the other side.

40 is still young. You've got at least twenty years to go before serious ageing kicks in. You sound depressed, OP, and also tired. If I were you I would look at improving my health and fitness, which will make you feel better and give you more energy.

@HeddaGarbled you beat me to it! Love Hannah Fry and I loved this episode about the happiness curve.

I’m 53 and excited about the next stage of life. Just got back from a short holiday just with dh and it was wonderful.

Depression? Peri? Look for a job you actually like and want to do?

Looking at the flip side, all the things have been the same when you were 35-39 and you didn't feel as bad now as you did then, and really you should be feeling like you're in a happier position at the thought of your kids going soon.

I'm 65, no family, few good friends, and worked in boring jobs for almost 50 years. However, I am now retired and loving life. It's all in your attitude, and only you can change that.

The economist has an article on the U-bend of life - apparently people get sadder round about your age OP but things pick up again at 46 -

I ended up having two career changes quite a few years after 40. There's plenty of time to explore something you might enjoy more @Numblittlebug87 .

Blimey, 40’s no age.

I’m much older than you. You’ve got tons of life ahead of you. I didn’t have my youngest until 41. If you’re almost child free, then the world’s your oyster. Don’t avoid seeing your mates.

Do you think you may peri-menopausal? Can make you quite depressed and exhausted. Might be worth having an overall health check.

Are you single or in a relationship?

Why don’t you do a course to help you change career? Allows you to meet people, gives you a confidence boost and gives you a qualification all at the same time. What have you always been interested in?

'Life is now work, mop up everything else at the weekend, work.
I know this is life though!'
This isn't my life, far from it. We're all different and only you can change it.
I'm in my 50s, orphaned years ago and have a life limiting condition. I'm beyond grateful for the last few years, ones I wasn't expected to see. It's funny how being told you won't live long makes you want it all the more.
So many amazing events have happened since I was 40, DC1's wedding and later the birth of their first child. DD aced her GCSEs and if she gains her predicted grades will be flying the nest shortly.
Best of all is DS2 having a fantastic career after gaining a very competitive apprenticeship, passing his driving test first time and having a lovely GF for two years, basically everything doctors told us he'd never achieve.
I never dreamed I'd see DC reach adulthood, not only that but they're all happy and so far winning at life (I hate that phrase but it fits), despite dealing with having me so ill.
It's too outng to go into much detail but my condition is one in a million. I could be angry and think, 'Why me?' but it's given me an appreciation of how precious life is and changed my perspective on many things.
Your OP makes you sound depressed. There are many different treatments now. Your post was quite sad to read. I stopped doing anything I didn't enjoy, you need to find your joy.

Not to sound morbid, but if you suddenly dropped dead tomorrow everyone, and I mean everyone that knows you would say “Oh my God she was so young”.

Life is what you make it. You will become negative with a negative mindset. Not everyone sails through their 20’s and 30’s. For some, it’s the worst time of their life, not the best.

No one has it all figured out. It’s never too late to change careers, pick up a new hobby, travel.

Try to get out of your rut. Live for the moment instead of worrying about the future and loved ones aging. Speak to your GP, antidepressants may ease a bit of shit for you.

And please remember/ aging is a privilege denied to so many. Don’t take it too seriously.

Have you had depression before op?

Parents could easily be getting up for 80 if OP is 40.

Parents could easily be getting up for 80 if OP is 40.

I understand, sympathize, and often share your point of view - but it's not necessarily realistic.
I'll start with the most obvious: It's never too late to have friends. Don't complain if you're the one saying you can't be bothered. Start attending, and make some new ones.
It's actually not too late to have a career, and even if you're in a dead-end job in in a diminishing field, it's not too late to start spending time on something else you might enjoy, where you might feel you're making a contribution. Perhaps it could be a creative project. Or a second part-time job. Or volunteer work. Or just joining a group that does something interesting, like some kind of political activism.
It's always depressing to think of losing parents, but my beloved godmother recently died when she was pushing 100. So don't write off your parents too soon.

You sound a bit depressed and that makes it hard to get out and do things. But you need to make a bit of an effort - find things you like doing, learn something new, join a club, make something, travel, help somebody... I know plenty of older people in their 70s and 80s and some in their 90s who enjoy life. There can be plenty to look forward to.

This is perfectly normal to sometimes feel this way, but let me assure you at 40 you have a whole lifetime ahead, don't let it pass you by.

Congratulations, you just discovered depression and it's effects.

i felt exactly like you at one point. Just sad or numb and kinda hopeless. I tried and tried to do things to make me feel better, nothing worked in the end. I went to the doctors and soon found out I was depressed. I’ve been on my medication about 5 months now and I feel great. Just something to consider.