Adult children sharing the same room as parents on holiday. Yes or no?

[bobbythejobby]

Parents decide to book a cruise for family of four - mum, dad, daughter and son. They say this is going to be their last family holiday now the two kids are getting older. DS is 15, DD is 24 and has already moved out but when they book the cruise they put her on the booking and pay for her to go but don’t ask her in advance or even tell her they’re going to book a cruise. So on the one hand a free holiday is not to be sniffed at.

However the cabin they book is literally the size of a shoebox and is just one room with bunk beds so all four are sharing this small space and equally small bathroom.

DD says she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with her 15 year old brother and 50-odd year old dad and asks if they can book another cabin for her to share with mum or can she can book her own cabin that she’ll pay for out of her own money as she’s working. Parents say no to booking another cabin or giving DD the details for the travel agent to book her own because they think there are unlikely to be any cabins left anyway as there were only a few at the time they booked. Therefore DD doesn’t go on the holiday.

So who’s being unreasonable (if anyone)?

I had been going to keep this anonymous how I fit into this scenario to try and get as unbiased opinions as possible but I know people will ask so I was the daughter who didn’t go on the cruise. I was (and still am) married at the time and couldn’t stomach the thought of sharing a small room with my dad and brother. I spent months trying to talk myself into going but I just couldn’t no matter how I tried to trick my brain into it.

This happened over ten years ago but the reason I’m asking this now is because now and again my mum will bring this up and insinuate I was wrong for feeling so uncomfortable about it that I didn’t go on our last family holiday.

Would welcome others’ opinions on this just out of curiosity as to if I was unreasonable or not to not go.

No, I wouldn’t if I was the 24yr old

You didn't ask them to pay so not sure what their issue was and even more what their issue still is. Do they hold on to a lot of things to beat you up with later?

They didn’t ask if you even wanted to go? That’s a bit presumptuous! It was clearly going to be uncomfortable for you so you were well within your rights to decline.

I'm surprised any of the children was up for this.

Hard no to this scenario for all involved. I’m not even willing to share a room with my much younger children on holiday and never have been. I’d rather not go on holiday!/I wouldn’t consider this a holiday. Very much need my own space at night.

I think it was the right thing to choose not to go. Not letting you book your own cabin was just weird. It's like your parents had this idea of 'last holiday' no matter how impractical it was due to you already being an adult and your brother a teenager.

Has something happened regarding your dad and your brother? Obviously I would much prefer my own room, but I have no qualms about sharing a room with my brother or dad (apart from the horrendous snoring), in fact we have often shared a room as adults.

Is your mum bringing this up as she’s concerned that something untoward has happened with your relatives?

For a cruise, no, but we have done it on an overnight ferry (Portsmouth to Caen) for DH, our 2 teenage/early 20s DDs and me. We all changed in the bathroom.

Tell your mum you can’t be “wrong ” for having the feelings you have. They are your feelings

I find it bizarre that you were married (if I'm correct?) and no longer living at home- yet they booked it without discussing it beforehand with you! Why wasn't your husband invited- even if he paid for half a room with you?

I went on a family cruise when I was 14 but my brother was younger, so still 'kids'. The room was as you described- 2 bunks and absolutely tiny!

At 24, I wouldn't feel comfortable in my PJ's around my brother and dad. I have massive boobs and just wouldn't feel comfortable with that.

It's a about personal comfort. My wife and I have shared a room (safari park cabin) with her aunt and uncle. They were in their 70s we 30s. Everyone was comfortable with it...but I wasn't a 24 woman with daddy and little bro...that's a bit odd

The parents are being unreasonable for being so rigid.
I don’t blame her for not going in these circumstances

Absolutely not! We've just booked a family holiday (eveyone consulted on location, dates amd duration) with our sons who are 19 and 25, rooms sleep 4 but we've booked 2 rooms so they will have one room and we'll have another. Everyone needs privacy even on holiday! I would have done the same as you Op and not gone in your shoes.

God no! You are 100% not being unreasonable! That would of been really weird! Even for your 15 year old brother sharing with his parents makes me feel uncomfortable.

I wouldn’t have enjoyed that at all. Just too cramped and I like my personal space. We are now booking what may be a last family holiday (2 boys aged 20 and 18). And although I was going to put them in a room together I’ve ended up booking somewhere that they both have their own rooms.

we’ve shared recently in an overnight ferry and I’m contemplating taking the younger one away for a couple of days - that would be a twin room.

24? Christ no wonder she’s not keen to share. I wouldn’t go if I was her especially as she’s already said she’ll pay for a separate cabin.

God no, sharing any size room with your family as an adult is less than ideal.

I wouldn't have any issues sharing with any members of my family of either sex. Not when I was a teenager, not now at the age of 40. Holidays were a treat and an adventure and, honestly, I stayed in plenty of hostels with strangers travelling on a shoestring by the age of 24 that it wouldn't even cross my mind to care.

No - we love to cruise and have a teenage son and i book a large balcony or suite cabin to have extra space as I think he is too big to be in the bunk above us - there no way I would do a small cabin with 4 adults it would be awful.

Your parents should have checked with you, and were being very petty by not letting you check if you could get a cabin of your own.

What is just as unreasonable is that she’s still holding it over you 10 years later!!

Parents were unreasonable in not providing details to the adult DD so she could book her own cabin (assuming she was willing to pay).

I don't think they were unreasonable in making the original booking as it would probably have cost an awful lot more to book separate rooms. As the mother of an adult child I wouldn't have made that booking if I couldn't have afforded a separate room, we would just have booked for DH and I and not invited adult DC so I can see originally they were trying to do something nice.

I do get why a 24 year old woman may not wish to share with her brother and dad, but equally can see a bit why your mum might feel offended that you wouldn't want to.

After 10 years your mum needs to let it go though.

I think your Mum is wrong to make you feel bad about it. You felt uncomfortable and that’s fine. But equally others might be okay with it. We have done similar holidays with Ds aged 13 and dd aged 22 and it makes it cheaper to share a room etc - you still have the privacy of the bathroom to get changed in etc and on a cruise / camping or whatever you hardly spend any time in the room so it’s more like a base for sleeping. So my dd for example would be fine with that and would see the benefit in the free holiday and getting to see a different place.

They were daft not to discuss the cruise plans with you before booking anything. My two are 19 and 16 and we discuss plans before booking as DD especially may have something else going on.

It’t totally unreasonable to still mention it 10 years later. Try to be firm with your Mum and tell her that you don’t want to discuss it again.

I wouldn't be "uncomfortable" sharing a bedroom with my parents and my brother, but I simply couldn't be arsed. Sounds like a holiday from hell, so that would be a no if that was my only holiday of the year.

I wouldn't share a tent with them for the same reasons.

Parents refusing to let you TRY to find alternative are very. weird

It's not weird per se to share a room with your dad and brother, but there's also no reason you should feel pushed into doing so if you don't want to. They do sound very controlling, who books their married adult child on a holiday without telling them??