Apparently I'm being OTT with his hobby?

[RainbowRead]

DS had found a new hobby. I've tried him in lots of things and none have stuck. Fine, no point if he doesn't enjoy it. He has ADHD and really struggles in school. Am part of a network of parents who have kids with ADHD and ASD. Lots have advised to help son find something he can be really good at, which helps with the fact that he feels 'rubbish at school'. Lots of support in school but he just struggles with it.

He's found BMXing, and is obsessed. He's been doing it a few months and has won a couple of races already. He's always beaming after. Constantly asking when his next race is. Actually wants to clean something (his bike!) and he's only 7!

I'm entering him into a race every 3-4 weeks or so. Practice every Saturday and Wednesday. Coaching every other Sunday. All require me to freeze my arse off for hours at a time but I've never, ever seen him so happy. He's strangely doing better at school for it too (any idea how that works?!)

Well, I've just got off the phone to my mum who thinks I'm doing too much, I'm going to wear him out, and I should focus on his school work (he's 7, he doesn't have school work!). He is behind a bit at school but not worryingly so.

He categorically will not tolerate any continuation of school at home. The only thing we do is reading, then a bike ride most nights.

Am I really going to wear him out? I genuinely think he could do well at BMXing. What's more is that he loves it. I don't have to push him at all. I'd be mad to cut down, right?

I agree with you. He loves it, it will make him happier all round and who knows, he might perk up a bit at school if he is generally feeling better about himself. It will also keep him fit and give him confidence and a sense of achievement.

Sounds like you are being a great Mum.

Your mum is being weird. My DS has autism and ADHD and his organised hobbies are his social life. It may look exhausting to others but he needs and wants to do them.

Good for you and especially good for him! His school work is improving because he is feeling more confident in himself. All for the good. Keep doing what you are doing.

Trust yourself. Not your mum.

She actually raised the fact that it's stopping me from dating, which it is, but I really, really don't care anymore.

Both my dc have raced mountain bikes from a young age. Never had an issue and they love it

It's a hyperfocus right now, so nothing else will satisfy him until it's over. It would be pretty mean to push him into a hobby, let him develop a hyperfocus over it and then refuse to facilitate it for him.

Also biking is a great activity for adhd because of the linear motion. Same with swings.

That's exactly it. It's changed our lives. If he's upset I can just say 'shall we look and see what races are coming up and enter one?' Or 'shall we polish your bike and see how shiny we can get it' and he will literally snap out of a meltdown and run around like a happy puppy!

That's interesting! We tried football. My God it was awful!

Your mum isn't understanding what it is to have a child with ADHD.

He isn't underperforming at school because of his hobby

And not everyone needs to date when they have other more important things to think about like their ADHD child and hobby...

Well done to you

You sound like a great mom. Don't listen to yours.

To be honest, at the moment the only person I'd consider dating atm is a single dad who also has a child obsessed with BMXing, and there's only one place I'll meet one of those 🤣

YANBU to my mind one of the key objectives for any education alongside developing life skills should be helping children to find the things they like and are good at.

Win win!

Oh my god 😂 sounds like my Mum!
Would she, by any chance, have something to say if you weren’t interested in your son’s hobbies and went out dating every night instead?
You can’t please some people, and someone has to be related to those people.
You sound like a great Mum!
Your son’s confidence will be growing because he’s finally excelling at something and that confidence will spill into his school life because he’ll be a little braver to try.
Well done Mum!

Don't doubt yourself, you are doing amazing as a mum. Your mum doesn't understand ADHD and isn't being responsive to it in what she is saying. The joy in your little lad should tell you all you need to know about how to get the best out of him. My daughter is similar but with another sport. It's time consuming and expensive but she loves it and she is leaning loads from it - lots of life lessons best achieved through sport I reckon!

He is calm and happy with what he is doing so keep doing it. Plenty of children train if they love what they are doing.

Try get him to start a professional diary memoir and work it around what he is doing in school?

Track conditions, timings, other bits and bobs for english and handwriting
Maths fractions: his place v number of races, number of turns per race etc

Oh @CouchSpud thats made a lightbulb ping. Blimey. I’m adult diagnosed ADHD. I could NOT do team sports at school but I walked and walked and walked. For miles to my friend in the next village for a 20 minute chat then home again. Would take the dog out and do a circuit at 9 o’clock every night. So many other examples, but this isnt my thread, will go off and research that.

Yeah @RainbowRead your lad finding genuine happiness, enthusiasm etc for BMX sounds like a fantastic resource for both of you.

This is so true. He's had a couple of races where he got a DNF because he came off. It's taught him how to deal wit h failure at something he's very good at, which he doesn't get at school. He just feels like he's shit at everything because school is not designed for kids like him. Reading and writing are so, so hard for him. He will get there, but at the moment he NEEDS his BMX. I'm just ranting now but I look back on the days where we didn't have a hobby, and nothing brought him this kind of joy apart from tv and school ending. Being able to say 'come on let's go down to the track for an hour' after a rubbish day is a godsend. The fact that the TV hardly goes on anymore is a win too. Even in the house, I've got a bit of cardboard on the wall so he can practice balancing whilst watching the television. I think she just thinks he's too obsessed with his bike, whereas I see it as a good thing.

I'm happy for it to be a communal thread 😁

I would definitely not stop it. However I would say we need to balance things in our life, and school is really important. Next year when you’re bigger, we will only do bmx comps if you’ve done some schoolwork with me, and we will have to start this year if you get behind. I would never stop you doing your hobby, but you will need to earn going to comps. I know you can do this.

Sounds great and not that much really. Football kids seem to do way more. My ASD DC does similar amount of organised hobbies a week but we haven't really found the thing that he loves to the extent your son loves BMX and I wish we could as he could use a confidence boost of something he is good at and all the other benefits of sport

This will categorically not work. External rewards do not work for him. BMX is almost part of his identity now and I think turning it into something conditional would really affect him negatively. I think using it as leverage would just make him resentful. 'Once you've done your school work you can bike without having to worry about it' might work. 'You can't enter any competitions if you don't do your homework' will go down like a lead balloon.

This is a fabulous story aside from you mum being a tit.