Apparently I'm being OTT with his hobby?

[RainbowRead]

DS had found a new hobby. I've tried him in lots of things and none have stuck. Fine, no point if he doesn't enjoy it. He has ADHD and really struggles in school. Am part of a network of parents who have kids with ADHD and ASD. Lots have advised to help son find something he can be really good at, which helps with the fact that he feels 'rubbish at school'. Lots of support in school but he just struggles with it.

He's found BMXing, and is obsessed. He's been doing it a few months and has won a couple of races already. He's always beaming after. Constantly asking when his next race is. Actually wants to clean something (his bike!) and he's only 7!

I'm entering him into a race every 3-4 weeks or so. Practice every Saturday and Wednesday. Coaching every other Sunday. All require me to freeze my arse off for hours at a time but I've never, ever seen him so happy. He's strangely doing better at school for it too (any idea how that works?!)

Well, I've just got off the phone to my mum who thinks I'm doing too much, I'm going to wear him out, and I should focus on his school work (he's 7, he doesn't have school work!). He is behind a bit at school but not worryingly so.

He categorically will not tolerate any continuation of school at home. The only thing we do is reading, then a bike ride most nights.

Am I really going to wear him out? I genuinely think he could do well at BMXing. What's more is that he loves it. I don't have to push him at all. I'd be mad to cut down, right?

He has found a passion. It comes with taking responsibility for his bike, dealing with competition, getting his wiggles out, and widens his friendship circle. Sounds spot on!

And good on you for supporting it.

And the "I'll stop if you don't do extra work at home too" suggestion upthread is batshit - there's plenty of time in the rest of the week for other stuff. Let the kid enjoy a sport!

Not that your son needs to aim for the Olympics, but those lovely interviews they do with people who win Olympic medals where they say "I was crap at school but then my mum took me to taekwondo/BMX/gymnastics because I had too much energy and it made me so happy" occur to me here.

I am a teacher and I agree with not conflating this with his schoolwork. I teach secondary with lots of high achieving pupils and even then, the limiting of time doing sport for schoolwork would only be a conversation if it is holding them back from something they really want/need to achieve (e.g. a pass in their GCSE maths or whatever). Busy children who spend time outside are generally happier in school .

Time spent doing a hobby like this has absolutely massive benefits. I have always found it a total revelation as a teacher sometimes watching kids who study in a classroom setting being amazing helping out with the junior school/in sports teams/singing in a choir or whatever. Kids thrive doing what they love.

If it matters to your mum so much perhaps she can help take him to some practices whilst you go out!

@RainbowRead THIS. exactly we mistake mental burnout for physical exhaustion.

I think its a major crisis to be honest in childhood - they sit down all day then they lie about saying they are tired (include my own kids in this)

give them friends/ activity/ excitment - you will see their energy levels shoot up!

then they can concentrate more in school etc.

I have an ASD DD and this chimes with my experience as well. She needs exercise and fresh air and (more technically) proprioceptive input to regulate. When she's exercising regularly, she is sleeping brilliantly and doing well at school. We've had a period of injury to compare it to, so know it is true for her.

I keep hearing of adult late diagnosed neurodiverse people (even Fern Brady in her book) who realised that running or weight lifting or cold water swimming made an enormous difference to how they felt and could cope. I do think there will be a huge U-turn in our approach to regulation in the next 10 years or so, when we stop projecting NT things like meditation onto ND people and instead say "stim away, take it to the next level, shake it all out until you feel better."

Keep it up OP, it will be worth it in so many ways. People thought I was mad when she was little and not sleeping well to take her out to run about in the rain before bed if she felt wiggly. It always worked and it was actually easier to do that for 30mins than faff about with white noise, iPads, meditation etc. You are doing a great job and he sounds just brilliant.

You sound like such a great parent!

Your mum not so much

I think you’re doing absolutely the right thing!

If he loves it, I would defo encourage that, and it gets him out and about and exercising. Exercise is really good for ADHD anyway, and biking will be good for concentration.

My DS has ADHD and is like this with swimming.

He also doesn’t like any continuation of school at home but I’ve been making him do homework - perhaps he’s not as resistant to it though as I get the impression you wouldn’t be able to insist if you wanted to!

Don't know where gorgeous came from!

absolutely agree. Its not a good idea to use this (or any hobby) to control your son which is basically what saying "no xxx until you have done your homework" is. You might want to try relating skills that he struggles with to his new hobby to help to motivate him to work on them but ffs he is only 7! Tell your Mum to butt out nicely or not as you feel is appropriate.

It’s his special interest and builds his confidence. Your mum needs to leave him alone.

If it’s being led by him I think that sounds great.

Love hearing that your DS has found such a passion for a sport. Sport can be an incredible place to learn so many life long skills, while having a lot of fun. You are doing absolutely the right thing by supporting him in this. He will never forget that you were there in the cold cheering him on!

Though from one sports mum to another, layers and thermals are your friend! x

"He's strangely doing better at school for it too (any idea how that works?!)"

ADHD is dopamine dysregulation (or should I say it can be/is often a part of it). He is making lots of dopamine while on his bike - which is enabling him to focus at school.

Boys with ADHD are also more prone to the "H" part than girls - being physically active gives that hyperactivity which was distrupting his ability to concentrate at school, a place to go.

Small word of warning - ADHD thrives on novelty, and hyperfocuses can come and go. So just do be prepared that this current hyperfocus could get dropped once the newness wears off and the dopamine production drops. If he is progressing with challenge (eg up through competition levels and the competition itself) that will help. Novelty is really important for ADHD. Having said that it is only a could not a will - fingers crossed that it keeps on giving him lots of dopamine for many years to come!

I'm a big believer in finding what brings you joy and pouring your energy into it, and you've helped your son do that! You sound like a fantastic Mum!

You have found something which keeps your child busy and happy. Unless your mum has an idea for achieving the same result but even better, you don't need her input.

So she wants you to prioritise dating over your son's happiness- mental