Apparently I'm being OTT with his hobby?

[RainbowRead]

DS had found a new hobby. I've tried him in lots of things and none have stuck. Fine, no point if he doesn't enjoy it. He has ADHD and really struggles in school. Am part of a network of parents who have kids with ADHD and ASD. Lots have advised to help son find something he can be really good at, which helps with the fact that he feels 'rubbish at school'. Lots of support in school but he just struggles with it.

He's found BMXing, and is obsessed. He's been doing it a few months and has won a couple of races already. He's always beaming after. Constantly asking when his next race is. Actually wants to clean something (his bike!) and he's only 7!

I'm entering him into a race every 3-4 weeks or so. Practice every Saturday and Wednesday. Coaching every other Sunday. All require me to freeze my arse off for hours at a time but I've never, ever seen him so happy. He's strangely doing better at school for it too (any idea how that works?!)

Well, I've just got off the phone to my mum who thinks I'm doing too much, I'm going to wear him out, and I should focus on his school work (he's 7, he doesn't have school work!). He is behind a bit at school but not worryingly so.

He categorically will not tolerate any continuation of school at home. The only thing we do is reading, then a bike ride most nights.

Am I really going to wear him out? I genuinely think he could do well at BMXing. What's more is that he loves it. I don't have to push him at all. I'd be mad to cut down, right?

Good for you. I think it all sounds fantastic and your son is so happy. Your mum is being weird and I know I’m biased, but my children being happy was far more important to me than dating. You never know he could be an Olympic champion in years to come 🏅

As an adhd kid having things in my life that I loved and made no further demands on me than just the enjoyment of the thing were so rare. I got it from the dog, he enjoyed the same things as I did. I wish a parent or sibling could’ve helped me to do something like BMX, that would’ve been brilliant.

Don't be mad. The child is seven. He does not need to be doing school work at home. Most kids get far too little exercise - this is far more important. He's already getting hours of school work a day.

How refreshing to hear of a child enjoying being outdoors so much. It’s got to be far healthier than being stuck in his room glued to screens. Long may this new hobby continue.

Absolutely love this.
about four years ago my son had a similar light bulb moment. Ever since it’s been a full commitment. He finished 2nd in his world champs last summer. The sport, travel, coaching etc dominates our lives, time, finances in so so many ways but we have all gained so much from it.
and still people say ‘you’re doing too much…’ we don’t even try and argue now.

your son will know you are his absolute no1 fan, that’s unbeatable

from what I know if the bmx/mb community it’s lovely and inclusive and there’s the whole freestyle/skater vibe when he’s maybe older which is also known to be super accepting.
embrace it!

Your mother means well but she’s talking nonsense. He’s happy and he’s doing well. Her job is to love him and support him, not be a back seat driver to your mothering. Plus there is plenty of evidence that homework, which is what I think your mother is getting at? is not only a waste of time but counterproductive.

Do not make it part of any reward/discipline system. Let it be pure joy for him.

He’s 7. Fundamentally it will not make any difference whether or not he does homework at this age. What will make a difference is being happier generally, having motivation and doing lots of physical activity. You’re doing great, OP.

Well you never know who you're going to meet at a BMX race! One of my friends met her now husband at her son's sports club...it can happen.
And even if you don't find a romantic partner, there's a good chance you'll at least make some friends for yourself. There are a lot worse things that a youngster can get involved in and there's so much to be gained from involvement in sport.As long as your DS is enjoying it, stick with it and have fun. Good luck to you both.

This is great, he’s going to learn so much from it, especially how to handle rejection. Looking back as someone with ADHD I handled disappointment, criticism and “failure” in my hobby so much better than I did at school, really helped build a bit of “resilience”

Plus the exercise is definitely good for ADHD!

This!
@IThoughtHeWasWithYou absolutely nails it!

You sound like a fantastic mum!
I think you would be mad to make this a conditional thing or to link it or associate it with school. Talk about a sure fire way to suck any joy out of it & turn it into another pressure in his life!

You're doing brilliantly 👏

Is that such a bad thing though Rainbow? If you're a regular on here you've seen all the threads about awful dates, domestic violence, coercive control etc.
You sound like an awesome mum and your son is lucky to have you. Ignore your mum. In my experience when people raise concerns about stuff it usually comes from a place of insecurity. It's usually their stuff not your stuff if you know what I mean. Obviously I don't know your mum or anything about it. If you're happy and DS is happy keep doing what you're doing.

I feel so happy for your DS. Your DM is probably right that he is obsessing over it, but that's ADHD, and he's benefiting hugely from his obsession. You sound like a great mum.

This is amazing, the biking will be helping him to regulate which is why he is more focused at school. My ASD/ADHD daughter is exactly the same with a different form of exercise.

I'm so glad you've found something your son enjoys and is good at. It will do his self esteem and confidence a world of good! Don't worry about what you mum said - you know him best and you know what's best for him. Trust your own instincts. You sound like a great mum!

Have a look at a short film in YouTube 'Flow - Featuring the Trailrippers'

Its about two neurodiverse brothers who just HAVE to BMX.

Aww it makes me so happy to see a mum who understands her child's ND so well. Many don't and just end up traumatising themselves and their children with bribes and threats and guilt trips. Your boy is lucky to have you on his side in this world.

Putting arbitrary rules in place for no good reason and blocking his access to his hyperfocus will cause frustration and stress for the child. That will make him less likely to engage with school work because he will see school as the thing that's preventing him from following his hyperfocus. He's not bmxing during school hours, so the two things should be separate.

Thanks all. Now just need to get rid of this idea that he needs his own Instagram page and I'll be sorted 😅

My kids are cyclists. (Different type.) What you are describing is pretty common - we have loads of kids at our club who were struggling with school / life / friendships and have found their place in the world through cycling.

I am not sure if it is still there but at Manchester velodrome there used to be a sign saying “nothing compares to the simple pleasure of riding your bike”. It is so true. (And I have discovered by googling that it is attributed to JFK.)

Can I make a suggestion? Over time try out some other forms of bike riding too. There are so many - road, track, cross, mountain, gravel, downhill just off the top of my head. And the skills are so transferable - and you may even find one he loves even more!

Me too, Murdo. You might find this article interesting: https://www.additudemag.com/benefits-of-individual-sports/

OP, you're doing a fab job. Your boy is lucky to have a mum like you.

I'd completely ignore her honestly, it sounds like it's amazing for him. He's getting exercise and fresh air and he's HAPPY.

Thanks! He has a mountain bike, a frog bike, two race BMX bikes (one half built as we are learning to build bikes together - I'm rather skint so buying one bit a month), and a cruiser BMX. It has taken over my house (our downstairs bathroom which is tiny is the bike room!)

He will let you know when he is worn out. Until then, carry on.

Dd has ASD and ADHD. She needed constant movement. At age 7 she was doing hockey once a week (went up to twice a week aged 8), GAA, swimming, Scouts and an afternoon of sailing weekly. As well as afterschool athletics, soccer, Gaelic and chess clubs.

As she grew older, things settled into more hockey and sailing, kept up scouts, did 4 afterschool sports a week. And in secondary, as much hockey and athletics as possible, sailing every weekend (and many weekends were 2 day clinics or events). And once lockdown came, a personal gym at home regime and dropped sailing to do competitive cycling.

It kept her mind from racing too much. It gave her enough proprioceptive input to manage time needed sitting and concentrating.

She did very well in her Leaving Cert, and she's now studying in the Netherlands, while playing hockey 1 level below professional and cycling - having won national cycling senior events last summer and got her first international cap for hockey this year.

If your DS is enjoying it - not you pushing him to do something he hates - and he is getting the fidgets out so he can concentrate for school. That's great. What we found was DD went through phases of loving both different sports and hobbies, but also it expanded her horizons away from a couple of interests that were almost obsessions. She learned to deal with other people and interact with them as they expected to. They accepted her more because she was getting stuck in and working together, not being a loner on the edge of the classroom. She had things to talk about to them that were not niche obsessions but the games they were all playing (she might go into more detail - but it was a "normal" conversation).

DCs with neurodiversity's are great, but hard work to help them achieve their potential. And also difficult for people not ND or with it in their family to understand their levels of intensity.