Calling a child greedy

[Miratea]

Isn’t it rude to call a child greedy if they want seconds of dinner even if they are visibly a bit chubby but not fat or unhealthy.

Since most weight issues in children are caused by the failure of adults, calling children "greedy" is pointless, damaging and inappropriate. Weight issues in children should be dealt with quietly and sensitively. With younger kids (say u-11s) who can't access food on their own and largely don't control how much exercise they do, I don't see why weight issues would have to be discussed with the child at all - surely the parents should just quietly make some changes.

Depends how the child asked. A polite calm "if there's some left over, please could i have a little more?" having waited for everyone to be served and eaten - not bad, if child is under 10

Over 10 - need to learn to wait for it to be offered.

Asking rudely/demanding, wanting more than their share: greedy.

Agree with a pp, "a bit chubby" beyond toddlee years = overweight.

Exactly. Context is key. A child who was demanding seconds whilst still having a plate full as they wanted to ensure no siblings could have seconds would likely be appropriately described as ‘greedy’.
If a child had finished their dinner and politely requested seconds and the remark was made in a negative way (rather than a ‘oh you porky chops well done I’ll get it you some now :-)’ way) then yes, it would be rude & very mean.

I think sometimes it's ok to call a child greedy. Neither of mine are overweight but my youngest definitely has a tendency to want to overeat sweet things. Once I bought a box a 6 mini egg bars for some work men that were at our house. From what was left, about 4 bars, each boy had one, then when I turned my back, the youngest scoffed the other 2! I told him off and called him greedy because he knew they were to share....

Greedy is a word that describes a behaviour, so I think in that way it's not wrong to use it, if it fits. But I would never ever want to body shame a child. I find sometimes kids want more dinner or less, I try to never say no to them asking for savoury/healthy food. If they're asking for loads and loads of biscuits and wasting proper meals then that's not ok.

Greedy is never a nice word to use, & especially to a child !
I don’t care what the circumstances are, & Shame on the adult who used it !!!!

It's an awful word and I think it says a lot more about the person that uses it than anything about the person they call greedy.

Tell a child that they are something, and they believe you. It's rude and unhelpful and they'll just grow up thinking 'oh I eat all this because I'm a greedy person'.

they wanted seconds of dinner not sweets, but the child does over eat sugary snacks due to comfort eating. the adult who said they were greedy is older and old fashioned.

I'm interested if those saying you cannot call greedy behaviour greedy when it is regarding food, would apply that to toys/material things too? For example if a child is whining he/she wants toys, exhibiting spoiled greedy behaviour, how would you articulate that to the child?

Yes the word greedy is rude. Even if a child is visibly overweight there is no need to insult them and make it some kind of moral issue.
The conversation should be about health never about appearance or morality. It's not a moral failing to have a large appetite or naturally err towards being larger. It's just something you need to keep a bit of an eye on for health reasons. There's is no need to EVER call anyone greedy in regards to food. Very u helpful and demotivating.

My middle daughter is slightly overweight. She's the middle of 3. Her siblings have never struggled with weight despite them all being offered the same food and having the same mum and dad. Greediness has nothing to do with it. My middle daughter is always thinking about food, always hungry... it's not some type of misbehaviour.. I don't agree in using language that shames her. I do talk to her about getting enough exercise and making healthy choices regarding food.

chill out

not everyone wants to raise a generation of snowflakes. Most children are a lot more intelligent that some people give them credit for, they understand perfectly well a normal discussion and wont' be traumatised by a simple casual comment.

You’re interested? Like you can’t work it out?
you just don’t tell children they’re greedy, Or mean, or lazy, Or anything negative in fact. You describe the behaviour if you must. But since food issues can lead to life long problems, in a way that hogging a toy won’t I don’t think the situations are comparable.

OP hasn't said if the comment was uttered directly to the child. I did ask.

As they pig out on other stuff I think their older relative was just concerned.

They did say it directly to the child and the person wasn’t related to the child

Thank you for clarifying.

Nonsense. It’s quite common for children to go through phases of growth where they first become a bit chubby, and then stretch up height wise and slim down with it. I’ve seen it happen loads of times, I’m surprised you haven’t.

How old is the child.

The context is everything here.

In our family, large, farming nature. It wouldn't touch the surface.

Oh you greedy beggar I wanted that last roast tattie.

I think in a scary and violent world, unless you are about to dump a huge back story, it's just banter.

Ignore it if you're upset but I wouldn't be overthinking it

My father called me greedy when I was 8, I remember it vividly. It was meant horribly.

I do have issues with food (low BMI) and wonder how deeply that word reached.

If you have 3 DC and 1 DC takes all the cookies then yes they are being greedy on this occasion but it might be a 1 off. DC need to be taught to share and think of the needs/wants of others. If they constantly do it they are definitely greedy.

I think it’s unkind to use words like that to the child as this is normally a parenting issue (depending on the age of the child). A child should not be comfort eating sweets and being overweight is unhealthy. Despite me not agreeing with using that word, it sounds like this person is concerned about the child and their eating habits / weight, perhaps in a way that the child’s own parents are not. Hopefully the parents will realise that this could be another child at school talking about their eating and weight, which could lead to bullying. The parents need to educate the child and actually parent, to avoid this.

How old is the child?

It's an unacceptable thing to say to a child IMO. If a child is overeating a parent should deal with it without judgemental language.

Unacceptable. The old saying is particularly apt here. "If you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".

They would have done better to keep it as an unkind thought in their head.

It's quite sad that people think children "becoming a bit chubby" is normal and acceptable. I don't blame the children, but what an unhealthy mindset.

The word 'greedy' is a stigmatic one, and carries cruel stereotypes. Furthermore, it pathologises being hungry, which isn't good! If a child is showing signs of overeating/eating when not even hungry, the solution isn't to shame/embarrass/humiliate them, all of which calling them 'greedy' will do. The solution is to gently and kindly figure out what's going on - why they're overeating, if something is happening which is causing this, etc.

Additionally, lots of kids are chubby. This isn't necessarily indicative that anything is massively wrong! Bodies are differently shaped, plus kids are growing - the body often puts on weight before going through a growth spurt. For example, upon reaching puberty, a lot of girls put on LOTS of weight, which isn't a bad thing - it's a sign they're developing properly!

If you're concerned about a child's weight, the solution is to give them healthy food, teach them about getting more in tune with hunger and fullness cues in the body, and getting them into an exercise program they enjoy (eg it could be any sport - if they don't like team sport, they might like swimming with you!). The focus should absolutely NOT be on weight - they don't need to feel body shame - it should be on getting healthy, feeling good and having fun together!

If you're concerned that the child has an eating disorder (e.g. binge eating), the solution is not to shame them by calling them names, but to get them professional help.