To find this unattractive or am I just really unsociable?

[SENMUM959]

There’s something I’ve noticed about my partner that I’m starting to find quite unattractive, but I quite like and prefer my own company, so I might have a biased view on it!

She has had quite a lot of time off work recently for personal reasons, and I’ve noticed that she just cannot spend time on her own. If not seeing me, then she’s constantly trying to find someone she can go round and visit, even if that means contacting person after person until she finds someone available. She then ends up conveniently staying for meal times and can often go days without having to cook for herself because she’s offloaded herself at someone else’s house.

Now I’m quite an isolated person and prefer my own company over anyone else’s (apart from DC of course), but I’m starting to find this behaviour quite needy and desperate and quite unattractive that a woman in her 30’s can’t just enjoy her own company for a couple of days.

AIBU here or is it just a personality difference/clash?

It’s deeply unacceptable to be an extravert or to enjoy socialising on mn.

Lots of people are saying no. It's in the OPs posts that the partner is calling lots of people trying to find someone to spend time with. Why do people on this forum always jump to jealousy even when there is zero evidence of it?

Yeah it’s exactly that, but she can’t see it. Like she said she’s asked 3 of her siblings to meet up this week but they’ve all made their excuses and said they are busy but they are constantly meeting up with each other and having days out with each other and leaving her out… same with her friends, they’ve all stopped responding to her apart from one of them… which just rings alarm bells to me because it’s becoming a common theme where she’s the common denominator?

A person who hates being alone is not a good match for a person who likes a lot of space. A person who appears to take advantage of the hospitality of others to avoid feeding themselves is probably not the best match for anyone. You're probably best moving on.

She sounds awful, really awful.

You are obviously going off her so it's time to end this relationship.

If the Op's GF was that popular she'd have lots of invitations from people, but she doesn't, she searches around until she finds someone willing to see her. If she only has one friend maybe she's worn out her welcome.

I've known a few like this and when I've asked why, they say they hate their own company and don't want to be left alone with their own thoughts. I end up feeling sad for them, we are with ourselves more than anyone and it's sad they don't like their own company.

Ugh, I hate people like that OP. As I was reading your post, the image of a friend of mine came to mind. But he is a friend, not a partner.
I would reconsider if you want to keep this one, as this will only get worse.

No … ok fair enough … I suppose I was always criticised by mum for being selfish and I think it was an unfair criticism

It's up to you what you find attractive or not but surely this is just a case of you being very different when it comes to spending time on your own. I have a friend who hates being on her own and try to book something in to do every night of the week. I've had to be really clear about my boundaries as I don't want to see her multiple times a week and just because I have no plans doesn't mean I'm looking for something to do (quite the opposite). DD is similar, gets bored easily and loves company so it's not unusual nor is it some kind of personality flaw. It just means you are probably not compatible in the long term.

Maybe she's lonely.
You don't live together and you prefer your own company so you're not doing much to help in that regard.

Yes that is really sad.

Some people don't take the hint.

YANBU, OP. Maybe time to move on? You don't seem suited at this point.

Sounds like a User, why doesn't she cook and host? No hobbies, just draining people.

Dump. She will drive you crazy with her clinginess and neediness. You're definitely not suited.

And YANBU, obviously. I can't stand people like that. I actually rather prefer a person who'd just show up for a free dinner once in a while (not as a partner, but an acquaintance), than an annoying, shallow, immature nuisance, who cannot stand their own company for five minutes.

Sounds like a personality difference. Some of my friends are like this - they constantly need people around! I am not like that. Works in a friendship, but I couldn't be in a relationship with someone like it.

I’d find it unattractive in a partner too. Which is why someone like that would never become my partner.

You’d be better off dating someone you actually like. Your posts suggest that you feel your girlfriend is needy, immature and a CF who imposes herself on people. You’re not compatible. She’s not going to become less dependent on constant human company, and you are always going to have the ick about it.

What a harsh post. If you're seeing your partner as needy and desperate it's probably time to end things. I love my own company too and don't socialise all that much but I don't think worse of people who are the opposite.

Sounds like you're not compatible. Why not allow her to find someone as social as she is and who loves her for it?

Can't really comment on whether you're unsociable OP as you don't say much about yourself in your OP. But everyone's different; if you don't crave company of others that's fine and equally it's fine if your partner does want to have more people around her. Horses for courses.

The issue here I think, is that people (i.e. friends and family) are steering clear and finding excuses not to see her because she is being a CF with regard to meals etc, especially if she's not inviting people back to hers and she cook for them in return. Not nice.

Why do you assume this is a man? Especially when the user name says mum in it?

yabu
that is her personality

Exactly.
Highly emotionally abusive parents, only child.
The one thing I don't need to be around for happiness is other people.
🍀