Explain your bed / mattress set up to prevent waking each other up all night?

[NattyBeaker]

I'm turning in to a really bitter and angry person due to severe lack of sleep. Have a baby, who doesn't sleep great but when she does sleep through it doesn't matter anyway because dh moves and the whole bed shakes, or snores and wakes me up even if I've managed to drift off. We wake each other up so the feeling is mutual!
Have a king size bed frame and can't work out if I can just put two singles on it? Does the gap get annoying? Would zip link be better or will I still feel him move? Or just get a memory foam mattress? I had one before but didn't like how hot I got.
Since having a baby everything wakes me up.

What size are you both? My husband and I share a kingsize bed (standard set up) and we’ve never woken each other up, even with a baby in with us.

We have separate bedrooms. Fantastic!

Get your DH assessed by the sleep clinic. I didn't tolerate snoring and early on in the relationship told DH to help himself and get referred over to the sleep clinic.

That will help massively especially if he gets issued CPAP. It's life changing.

If you have the space, I would absolutely recommend making a spare bed available - it’ll really help you through the baby phase.

Separate bedrooms is the only way

This!
Before we did that we had separate duvets which helped a lot. But the seperate bedrooms was the most effective

Superking size bed. And as the mattress couldnt go up the stairs due to height, we had to have 2 mattresses zipped up. And hurrah! I m no longer woken up when he turns - jumps should I say 🤣🤣🤣
was the most expensive piece of kit but it only took 20yrs to negociate! Most comfortable bed ever!

Do have a spare room but don't like the mattress so need a new one. And he won't go for separate rooms we've had the conversation says it's not a marriage etc etc. Apparently being married to an overtired witch is preferable

Two singles like zip and link sort out the waking due to the other one moving.

We have separate beds that only share the topmadras. We have individual duvets.

When mine were babies, they slept with me and my husband slept in the spare room. You don’t say if your baby is in the room with you still - I found I was quite ‘on alert’ and worried I wouldn’t wake up and hear the babies when they were in a separate room so I slept better with them in the bed with me.

If you want to keep him in the bedroom, then memory foam/hybrid mattresses transmit the movement as they ‘bounce’ a lot less (you can get cooling/airflow toppers etc that help with getting too hot).

My husband is woken by every little noise so he uses a snooze band (essentially a sleep mask with a speaker inside so he can listen to tedious podcasts to mask any outdoor noise).

I do appreciate that it’s really important to some people to share a bed - a compromise that may work is to start off in the same room but just have that spare bed as a backup option if you’re struggling to get back to sleep after feeding the baby.

Super king with 2 single mattresses and negotiate 3 nights a week in separate rooms. You don't need his permission to do it.

Me and my husband have separate rooms and it's great. If your husband doesn't want that fair enough but you matter too. It's not all about what he prefers.

it doesn't have to be permanent. You need to get some sleep so maybe get a new mattress and just have the odd night in there to catch up on sleep.

Hybrid mattress. King size (because like double is nkt actually double in UK, but 1 and half). Try them in a shop. I always looked like rabid dolping washed up on a beach when testing. Hybrid ones are my fave. We both turn etc and no movement really for the other. Also solid bed frame (that doesn't have to be expensive)

But yes. Separate bedrooms are ultimate bliss.

Superking sized bed and after a fair bit of nagging ( and at one point, threatening divorce!) Plus the sleep clinic for his ridiculous snoring and a £50 pillow.
Now I can sleep.

We have two small double beds in our bedroom, pushed together but separate frames, mattresses and bedding. Means you can also choose the mattress which suits you. We are both such light sleepers and restless in the night it was the only thing that worked. When kids were newborns husband slept in the nursery in a mattress on the floor and I had baby in the main bedroom with me. Sleep is so important, I feel your pain.

When our last bedroom was too small for two beds we had a king sized bed but separate bedding, which helped.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. It’s not a marriage if you put your own pride above your spouses mental, physical and emotional health and insist on torturing them.
This level of selfishness is not acceptable in a marriage. I’d absolutely hit the roof of my DH showed such disregard for me. If he didn’t give way and realise what a knob he was being, we would be on the road to divorce.

mattress arrangements here : he’s on one mattresss in one room and I’m on another mattress in another. Bliss. Marriage stuff doesn’t happen when you’re sleeping, but it’s all so much better if you have actually slept.

We used to have two single mattresses in a king size frame, but with we got a new bed switched to one king size mattress and I regret it so much. The individual mattresses made such a difference - if you have space definitely go for this. We have also always had two separate single duvets (this is normal in most of Europe) and this makes a big difference too.

When we were knackered with a new baby we took it in turns to get spells of sleep in the spare room which helped a lot as well. So not sleeping totally separate but for parts of the night. Good luck getting more rest!

I am also very much in the 'separate bedrooms ' camp. Only we do it one better, and are on separate floors I can't hear him coughing etc which I highly recommend 😁

Super king size if you have the space. Makes a massive difference.

Husband sleeps in spare room on kingsize bed.
i sleep in main room on superking with zip link mattresses, sometimes joined by 2 small children

Super king mattress and a double duvet each. My sleep is so much better, I don't feel his movement at all (his snoring on the other hand is still terrible).

👌👌👌

Then unless your DH’s job involves driving, surgery or national security, I would be waking him up whenever you’re awake so you can both share the marital experience equally…