Explain your bed / mattress set up to prevent waking each other up all night?

[NattyBeaker]

I'm turning in to a really bitter and angry person due to severe lack of sleep. Have a baby, who doesn't sleep great but when she does sleep through it doesn't matter anyway because dh moves and the whole bed shakes, or snores and wakes me up even if I've managed to drift off. We wake each other up so the feeling is mutual!
Have a king size bed frame and can't work out if I can just put two singles on it? Does the gap get annoying? Would zip link be better or will I still feel him move? Or just get a memory foam mattress? I had one before but didn't like how hot I got.
Since having a baby everything wakes me up.

Separate bedrooms at opposite ends of the house was the only way to get sleep what with the snoring and all. We are both much happier :)

Younger people are less likely to have the luxury of enough bedrooms.
It's much nicer to choose when you want to share a bed than having to of necessity.

We have a king size with two separate mattresses and two separate duvet covers.
Earplugs for the snoring, but hard with a baby. I'd suggest starting off together, then moving when he starts snoring to another bed

I think a king is two small singles which are 75 x 200. He'll never go for it because we have a good mattress we'd have to store somewhere.
I've ordered another mattress for my spare room and I'm also going to make a floor bed in dd's room so I can feed her on it / play on it etc which will be nice. If I put cushions on it against the wall it's like a diy sofa?!
I'm going to decorate the spare room to my taste and dive in there as much as I please.
I wonder if all the people who just share beds aren't writing on this thread, or if this is totally normal!? I asked a friend today and she said they've always had their own room (30s). I guess no one really tells you this stuff

Exactly. I am absolutely knackered it's torturous. I'm just a horrible person to be around and everything is an effort. I just need to sleep so badly and in complete silence. It's been going on for weeks it feels like. Broken

I spent most of my twenties and early thirties chronically sleep-deprived. You can handle it better when you're younger, so maybe you don't notice the toll it's taking.

I feel healthier and fitter in my forties than I did then, and I think it's mostly because I am sleeping better. My relationship with my husband is better too, because we're both happy and well-rested. It's madness to think you have to spend your unconscious hours together to maintain a marriage.

Superking bed and separate duvets here. Also slept in baby's room for most of first year when bf during the night

Some people are messy noisy sleepers. My husband could make a literal saint want to kill him in his sleep.
The only solution...separate beds. That or sit on his face in a very bad way in the middle of the night but that one tends to create more problems than it solves, what with the trial, prison sentence and all.

We have a 10 month old baby that's a terrible sleeper, we have a superking size bed, but if the baby wasn't waking me then my husband or dogs snoring was. The only thing that's worked for us is taking turns sleeping in the spare room. Even when it's my turn sleeping in our room, I still sleep better because as soon as my son goes back to sleep so do I and I'm not also being woken by my husband

@LouiseTopaz I'm the same and I love having our room just me and dd 😂 i sleep way better. I do feel bad for dh but only because he sulks so

I think a compromise could be two single duvets and agree to at least a couple of nights a week apart for a bit of recovery.

I get that sleeping together is a closeness that you won't get if you're in separate rooms, but lack of sleep and resentment about it is worse for a relationship! We slept in different rooms until our daughter was about 2 and was sleeping through regularly enough that sleep wasn't an issue. Now I'm pregnant again and have been feeling so sick and exhausted that's it is separate beds again until that gets better!

Well my bed and mattress are in this room and his bed and mattress are in another room = peaceful sleep all night.

Have you sat him down and explained, calmly and in detail, just how much this is all impacting you and the potential consequences if you can't come to an agreement?

If he is fully aware of how horrific you are feeling with the lack of sleep and is still 'sulking' honestly I'd been having serious thoughts about the relationship.

I mean last night my DH stayed up late watching the super bowl so I asked him to sleep in the spare room so he didn't wake me coming to bed. He immediately agreed. Because he's nice. And he likes me and doesn't want me to wake up and be tired the next day

Separate bedrooms is ideal, but if you have room separate beds is nearly as good.

Super king size bed. Its wonderful.

Maybe I should ttc so I can kick him out again 😂

King size bed with separate king size duvets, I like being wrapped like a burrito and he likes a leg out.. we've done this for the past 3 years or so and it's been game changing, before neither of us had a particularly peaceful night's sleep

@HorrorFan81 yeah I have explained it calmly. And also not calmly where I've just gone totally crazy. Now it's a whole thing and when this mattress comes it will be all awkward like I'm actually leaving. I just want a full night's sleep!!!! I haven't had one in weeks. Maybe even months

The right mattress makes such a difference ...my dh is such a restless sleeper. On a good bed I don't feel it...on a crap mattress it's like trying to sleep on a boat!

I'm a light sleeper and even with a good mattress, he is fine with me sleeping in the spare room when i need undisturbed sleep. Sleep is important.

I think the idea that you just have to put up with it to preserve emotional closeness is awful, and only someone who hasn't experienced chronic sleep deprivation would insist on it - but I understand the fear. One thing we tried successfully for a while was going to bed in the same room at the same time and then I'd head off to the spare room as soon as he was asleep.

If you have super king, you need to buy two EU single size mattresses, they’re the same size as a U.K. super king. Make sure both mattresses are the same height, that’s absolutely key to making it work. Don’t put anything on top of the mattresses to try and ‘join’ them or soften the join, don’t worry about the gap, it’s actually fantastic and works as a boundary marker 😅