Explain your bed / mattress set up to prevent waking each other up all night?

[NattyBeaker]

I'm turning in to a really bitter and angry person due to severe lack of sleep. Have a baby, who doesn't sleep great but when she does sleep through it doesn't matter anyway because dh moves and the whole bed shakes, or snores and wakes me up even if I've managed to drift off. We wake each other up so the feeling is mutual!
Have a king size bed frame and can't work out if I can just put two singles on it? Does the gap get annoying? Would zip link be better or will I still feel him move? Or just get a memory foam mattress? I had one before but didn't like how hot I got.
Since having a baby everything wakes me up.

I have this mattress
originmattress.co.uk/product/the-origin-hybrid-mattress/ and I genuinely never feel my partner move in bed. It seems to absorbed all the movements. Idk how, but it works.

I would also recommend 2 single duvets instead of one shared one.

@NattyBeaker king size is 5 feet so you would need two 2ft 6in mattresses. super king is 6 feet. wouldnt have a bed frame for the reason you state. too much squeaking and movement. I have a sealy bed and king size mattress. dh never wakens me and he doesnt get wakened by me getting up either even though he is a light sleeper.

We have a superking and 2 separate duvets. When we first got the bed it didn't move at all! Now it's a bit creakier, but that's the frame not the mattress and only really if DH is sitting up reading before bed.

Definitely start with the duvets though. I could never sleep in the double at PILs. We bought 2 separate duvets and it is much better. No more DH turning over and the duvet sliding over me. Only downside is I have to physically prod him on the occasions he snores, rather than just jiggling around!

Upgraded from a double to a king for more space.

DH also finally got his CPAP. Utterly life changing for both of us.

Upgraded from a double to a king for more space.

DH also finally got his CPAP. Utterly life changing for both of us.

Two single or double duvets on a king size bed?

The minute he wakes you up. Get up and sleep in that spare bed. It’s not all about what he wants. He’ll be so sound asleep he won’t notice you are gone. Tell him it’s non negotiable. Also, the minute he starts snoring get your phone and record it. If he starts complaining that you are in the spare bed, just play the recording back to him and ask him why you should put up with it.

We go to bed together in the same bed, but the spare room is an option if one of us wakes in the night and wants their own space. It's a good compromise because we don't feel like we have separate bedrooms, but we do often end up sleeping separately for some of the night.

We have two separate single duvets in king size bed. Eliminates my annoyance with DP rolling himself up like a sausage roll that we had before.

But I agree with the others. Who gave him the veto? I mean, it’s hardly a marriage where the husband gets to dictate to the wife about her own wellbeing is it? Is he going to start telling you what to eat next? Or forcing you to exercise more? Who made him king?

This. How dare he put his own wants before your actual need for sleep?!

I prefer two single as I find there's actually too much fabric going around with doubles, and they end up being half off the bed then slipping off half way through the night. But I did splash out and bought myself a really nice down duvet so I'm very cosy in it. My husband wanted a synthetic one so he's got that - it's another advantage that you can have it the warmth you like (I seem to want 5 togs more than him through the year!)

I know. I'm so pissed off this morning and now it's just a huge issue that I want to get a new mattress because I already spent a lot on ours. But that's life. Was 5 years ago.
Problem with moaning about the snoring is i do too 😂 but I'm not making us sleep together on a bed that constantly moves

I had this issue (being bounced around every time DH turned over) and we changed to a memory foam mattress and it solved all problems. That was years ago. We now have a hybrid and it is similarly non bounce. The bed shop people told us that pocket sprung mattresses also prevent bouncing, but we preferred the feel of the hybrid. Also get king size if you have room (another watershed moment for me), and don't have a wobbly bed frame, a divan is probably most stable. Duvet-hogging is a problem I haven't yet solved but as I'm now older and don't get cold in bed it's no longer an issue!

We don't have a spare room so switched from a super king size to two single beds. I think if I could go back and choose again, I would have insisted I had a small double (120cm width rather than single 90) as it was a bit of a squeeze with both DC but they're beyond that stage now,

You'd need a super king frame for 2 singles.

We have a super king and never wake each other up, DH is the heaviest sleeper known to man so he barely moves at night, and he's not a snorer. Definitely need one of you to be a non snoring heavy sleeper for a sleeping partnership to work I think!!

There's your answer, I was going to say this.

What makes him think he gets the casting vote?

King size bed with two single duvets. I wish so much that more hotels and self catering houses offered this

OP. Just buy a new single mattress online and tell your OH you are doing so. Nearly all online suppliers will take the old mattress away. He does not get to dictate how little sleep you get. He’s really selfish.

Get that new mattress and make use of the spare room. Sleep deprivation is horrible and yours is preventable. Imo most married couples would benefit from having a room each, not every night, but some nights

Don't ask him if it's ok to sleep in separate rooms, just tell him! Get a new mattress and move, it will transform your life. Sleep is essential for good health. His weird ideas of what does and doesn't constitute a marriage do not trump your well-being. I'd be furious if my DH tried to refuse this, especially for such a dickish reason. He doesn't give a shit about how you feel, so stop giving a shit about his stupid pronouncements on marriage.

I feel your pain as although my dh doesn’t snore he does seem to bounce around at night. We have a superking bed with zip and link mattresses, both aspects help however not completely because the frame of our bed (cast iron, very heavy, joined together using proper slotting in joints) still manages to pick up his vibrations and they come over to my side. I am a light sleeper though!

My next move is to get two single divans (with headboard joined to wall) however dh isn’t massively sympathetic so it’ll be a while before it happens because I need a practical shuffle around of the bedrooms to justify relocating our v expensive bed to another room - which will probably be when the DCs have fully left home!

We had 2 bed frames which hooked together, with 2 mattresses, (his was firmer) then 1 big 10cm memory foam topper & one big super thick fitted under-sheet which held all in place.
I agree the memory foam was hot, maybe they've improved?
2 duvets is ideal

This definately stopped his huge heaving rolling over shaking the bed.
But did not however stop him from occupying the centre of the bed & spread out like a starfish😡

He was also against separate rooms, but he wasn't the one sleep deprived.
I actually feel it's a sort of bullying . I suggest you start in one bed & move to the other room when you get up in the night,
What difference will it make once he's asleep ?

Unless you have an old mattress that sinks in the middle, it is him not your set up, a king size is plenty big enough. I had a normal double plus coslept!

Simple… his side of the mattress is in a different room.

No longer woken 2 times a night when he needs to pee, or at 530/6am when he gets ready for work, or by his snoring (mainly when eaten spicey food/red wine). I don’t keep him awake with the light from my kindle as I read to about midnight. He pops in for visits at weekends and we share rooms on holidays where I make sure I have had a few drinks and can sleep through the nightly bathroom visits and most of the snoring.

ETA - all of his family snore. One Christmas I sat on the hall landing as all our spare rooms were taken with FiL and Mil in separate rooms (they claim the OTHER one snores) and it was a veritable concerto of snoring. Was so tired through lack of sleep I cried. After that slept on the sofa or on the floor in one of the kids’ bedrooms. I think unreasonable snoring should be grounds for divorce 🤣