To think working is impossible as a single parent

[Okwhatn0w]

Currently a stay at home single mother have been for the past 6 years, dc is 8 years old.
I worked 40 hours a week before becoming a lone parent and earned nearly half the amount I currently get on UC, I know if I return to work that i will be much worse off but not having anything else bar my dc to keep me entertained is quite literally driving me insane.

Any advice? I wouldn’t even know where to start.

I think the Government's aim is to focus on getting everyone fit for work, back to work.
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/biggest-employment-reforms-in-a-generation-unveiled-to-get-britain-working-again

Radio 4 this morning reported the Government cracking down on those not working because they had mental health issues.

I think things are about to become much harder for people who choose not to work

If you are a FT care, why are bored and need entertainment? Surely it is hard work same as if you were working?

My benefits amount to £50,000 being a single mum to 3 disabled children. Ex husband pays child support which pays the mortgage so they will have security when adults. Anyone who wants to judge me go ahead but I'd bet you wouldn't swap places with me if you knew me and saw my daily struggles with them all. I'm constantly getting comments like I don't know how you do it etc. 2 eldest have full time classroom assistants and one is at school on reduced timefable so impossible to work. Even then I could be called every day to pick them up. I did work part time but couldn't be relied upon due to this. The youngest is not at school yet but been flagged and support is in the process atm. This is my children's money and it makes their lives very comfortable and for that I'm very grateful. I'm hopefully starting work soon, one day a week as I can earn so much being a full time carer. I will see this as being my money for me. If anyone attacks me I will see it as an attack on my children who deserve every penny and it's their money.

I'm so glad you are able to live a comfortable life style (financially) with your children ❤️ I have one disabled DS and it's so incredibly hard, I take my hat off to you!

Thankyou and if you knew me in real life you would in all honesty say the same 🥹

I understand OP. I became a single parent as my ex was completely useless. I worked every single day since my dd turned 3 (prior I was doing low paid hourly jobs such as retail) until I lost my job after the pandemic (child was about 7/8 then) - went on UC and was shocked that my wage was pretty much equal to UC payments. However I told myself I will only get a job that paid above a certain amount - I really struggled with childcare when my ex let me down - but I was lucky to have family support. My job prior had great childcare benefits too - whereas the work I did post UC had terrible childcare offers - if my DD was younger I would have really struggled. With my previous workplace I had access to salary sacrifice. Although now I have flexible work schedule - so when she was at the end of primary school it compensated for “loosing” the corporate perks.

It’s doable - but like many have said you also work your way up so that you have a senior enough role and negotiating power to get the flexible work you need or move around.

Im not sure what kind of work you can get and what your skills are - but what many don’t realise is that if you have a lower salary, then UC can pay you more - the only issue with UC is that there is a cap with how much you will ever earn and when your children are grown and their benefits no longer come to you, it’s a struggle. I know a few older women who decided not to work and in their 40s/50s they only have the skills for very low paid work and are so heavily reliant on their children.

So personally I would always try to work. And if you cannot make it work due to childcare arrangements - always have something that allows you to upskill.

I was a single parent after divorce to a 3 and 5 yr old. Their father saw them 2x a month on weekends, no family in this country.
I started a very part time masters degree while they were very young. Got that done by the time my youngest was about 7. Then started working part time (18hrs/wk), at the local uni where I did my masters. When my youngest started secondary I started applying for full time jobs in the private sector. Got offers and accepted one where the organisation & role were aligned with my values. My salary just matched what my part time job plus tax credits paid, but I got pension and benefits as well. Now I've been working full time a few years and been promoted I earn a lot more (although with cost of living it all still feels much the same). So it is possible, it was hard, but I'm glad I kept at it. I enjoy my job, its really interesting and related to my masters studies, with lots of progression opportunities. It's mostly wfh as well which helps a lot.

I know what you mean but you must prepare for your long term future.

Any benefits relating to your DC stop once they turn 18 including child benefit as they’re now classed as an adult.

Once DC turn 16 then HMRC will trigger a switch to PIP regardless of how long the DLA award is for and they’ll want to interview DC. They will stop DLA payments if you don’t start the PIP process.

So it makes sense to use the time DC are young to work part time if you can’t manage full, or build a business or upskill yourself to prepare for when they’re 18 and your income drops.

It’s really hard being a lone parent but worth it when you watch blossom into responsible young adults.

Of course it’s hard work, it’s also debilitatingly lonely. I do evenings and weekends and have done for the past 12 years. I managed to hold down a full time job before and still be able to take care of my caring responsibilities so I didn’t factor it into the original post as I didn’t think it mattered.

I appreciate posters have disabled dc, so their caring responsibilities and life is different, but £36k and £50k is a lot. Many posters won't have that take home pay from full time jobs.

But no one would ever want to swap lives with us

It does matter because that massively changes the amount of UC you are entitled to, and the job search responsibilities you have. This would’ve affected the responses to your original post.

Education? Open university?

OP can you clarify when you are available to work?
You say your caring responsibilities impact what you can do during school hours. You also say they are nearly full time, and that you do evenings and weekends.
No one can advise you if we don't know when you are actually available to work. I think you being a single parent isn't the main barrier.

And those with lower earnings from working would also receive benefits if they had the same circumstances.

for doing nothing

Caring for a severely disabled child isn’t “doing nothing”.

I appreciate what you are all saying which is why I want one foot in the door and gonna be hoping to do one day a week.
I'm still sorting reliable childcare for this and for school phoning which they usually do. what I'm experienced in, it will be possibe to do one 12 hour shift a week.
I'm aware of the changes with pip and the children don't need to be interviewed. I can have a telephone or paperbased appointment and am not worried by either as have lots of evidence sadly.
I would love to do open University too.
Maybe getting back out to work will give me the push for that.

As a lone parent I'm far better off financially by working, but I do work part-time as I can't put my daughter into breakfast club or after school club because of her medical condition. I realise I'm lucky as I have a great employer who allows me to spread my hours over 4 days so I can do pick up and drop off. And I work hybrid so I can work from home if my daughter is ill. Having a flexible employer helps.

Working saves my sanity to be honest. It's when I get to spend time with a great bunch of adults and use my brain.

@Thingymajigii If it's meetings for my child with additional needs, or my other son who is needing help also now, then I arrange it via zoom / teams on my lunch break.

For appointments, I make them as late as possible in the working day, so I can take as little time off as possible.

Sports Days and Coffee morning event type things, I take annual leave if it's something that they really want me to attend x

Depends on the circumstances surrounding you both but it is possible. I raised four as a single parent (yes, with help through tax credits then UC) but it is hard work doing it all alone and you do risk burn out.

I managed to find term time work when I had primary age children and have worked full time since my youngest started secondary. I was lucky that working in childcare meant I could have my children at afterschool club there for subsidised costs. I also had help from family, I'm not sure I would have managed without their support some times.

Funnily enough, I feel more burned out now it's getting easier than I did when I was in the thick of it. Perhaps a delayed response!